I think its just human nature to not want to die. Why else would SI kick in for so many people who attempt.
As a being of life, we simply wish to enjoy the act of being alive even if it isn't as meaningful or eventful as we want it to be.
Only really when external stimuli become too much for us to process and pain becomes unbearable or escapes are no longer available to pursue that I think we truly find a disconnect between the human will to live and our internal resonance of how to enjoy living.
I don't think that distraction is meaningless. Sometimes it gives us a reason to live. Sometimes it just keeps us afloat for that one day or moment.
Ultimately, I think its about our own perspective. Is this worth sticking around for? Can I see this pain eventually absolving?
At some point, we all have been at our lowest and considered it and I'm sure at some point we've been a little higher and thought that it wasn't so bad.
Our ups and downs really define who we are, how we process them helps either build character or exposes our flaws.
Sometimes I do find myself wanting to take a plunge but my flaw is that I am a spineless weakling.
I'd rather endure pain externally inflicted than choose to inflict pain unto myself.
Then, there are times when the external has affected me to much that I prefer the opposite.
I wish I could find the resolve myself to ease myself out of these distractions. I've never felt like I belonged.
I think it just solidifies the fact that everyone in my life simply cannot seem to comprehend me.
Imagine speaking an alien language and no one ever gets you. At most you can sign to someone with basic gestures and they MIGHT get the point.
I think life can be very lonely when you get to a point like that. We can eventually just feel like we don't in fact live a meaningful life.
I hope that in time we can heal. I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to really acknowledge ourselves without confronting the fear of taking the plunge.
That type of bravery sometimes feels beyond me.