Venting Life Is Like A Drug To Me, And Im Addicted

[FlizzyBizzy]

Sure I love to watch tv and play games, but those don't fulfill me. Its like a drug: there will never be a point in my life when I stop and say "that's enough video games and tv, Im content." I'll never be content. No matter how much technology advances, no matter how many great new shows or video games come out, I will always feel the same. I will never be fulfilled. There are things I want to do like be a war reporter or be a soldier for my country, but Im too afraid to fulfill those dreams because of this pathetic addiction of mine. The way I view it: there is no need for my life to necessarily be long, even though Im only 18. For me, this is no life at all. For me, life is measured in deeds and experiences rather than years.

Sorry, as this is more of a depressed than suicidal rant. I just wanted to vent.

 

[sserafim]

Cause later when I become addicted to life
The medicine that I took while I was sick actually has no effect
But it comforts me and I fly
I go up towards the sun
It's all up in my mind
Please deceive me this time

 

[escape_from_hell]

Just want to say I actually feel like I have seen enough TV/movies, played enough games, seen enough nature, done enough hikes, meditated enough, loved enough, lost enough, adventured enough, enough war, careered enough, neeted enough, traveled enough, had enough friends, had enough relations. Enough.
I do actually feel kind of fulfilled and grateful in a way. But those memories are not udders that can be milked for contentment and joy indefinitely. Fulfillment is like everything else: temporary.

What happens after? Anhedonia. Drugs can kinda-sorta be okay.
Probably a wholesome healthy relationship could keep this show dragging on. But I lost the only good one. So enough.

Always feeling the same, like being able to just pop on a movie or play a video game and enjoy it, is a gift. I understand what you're saying, and I'm not trying to contradict you. What I'm saying is it may or may not get better than that, but when you lose that, it just sucks even more.
The bar can go from mindless entertainment consumption to...addiction to few and far between moments of just not being in pain.

Just as an aside I did the soldier for the country in war thing. Got enough of that real quick.
I have not done extreme sports type stuff like paragliding or something (no real drive to now, had enough other adventure) but maybe that's something dangerous or exhilarating you can try vs the war correspondent/soldier route which will be a demanding commitment.
Maybe start small with daily stuff like skateboarding and work your way up until you're doing BASE jumping stuff later?