Discussion Life Is Just Fundamentally Fucked Up?

[NoChoice]

I've always wanted to trust life, wanted to love it, embrace it. But even from a young age I always just realized how fundamentally depressing it is. We come from nothing, find people or things we love, and then are guaranteed death while we have absolutely no clue what happens after death. It's even more frightening when you realize how ridiculously misleading and scientifically inaccurate religion is (no offense). It's just so fucking depressing, if I knew I could be with my family forever I'd be one happpy fuck but I'm just gonna lose them no matter what ): In a way its kept me from expressing my love to them because I don't want to be as attached as I would be, because it's just going to be so painful. In many ways I'd rather have never been alive, because if I am alive when my mom or dad dies (unlikely) it would destroy me. They are the nicest people on the planet to me, they gave me everything, how am I just supposed to move on when they die? I've always struggled with problems like this, I just can't trust the universe even though I desperately want to, maybe I just want too much out of life, maybe I am greedy,entitled, selfish I dont know. I would just like a means of existence that allowed me to not have the guarantee of heartbreak and separation that this one has, and that is obviously too much to ask. Am I missing something obvious here? I feel fucked up, other people are so happy despite all of this, all I can do is dwell on my mortality and how no matter what I do in life I'll end up dead in a hole separated from the people and things I love, I feel insignificant. Earth is a dot, ~100 year lifespan is literally a blink of an eye on the cosmic scale. Life feels like such a tease to me, I'm sure I'm just a cynical fuck who can't see it right but I can't help it. I want more.

 

[NoChoice]

There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. Don't think less of yourself because of it. Life is cruel unfortunately. I feel the same way you do about my parents. They're the main reason I am here still. I don't know what I'm going to do when their time comes to depart this existence. If I could go on and be happy with my life, well that would be great, but I know I can't and won't ever be able to. I also am chronically ill and have incurable diseases on top of it all. I depend on my dad a lot because he helps me with some of my therapy. Without them, I'm nothing, literally.

For now, I have some things I enjoy doing. I'm an artist and I love paint and escaping reality for a while, but it only lasts so long. I was born and raised Christian, but as things started going downhill for me, the less and less I believed. I'm not even sure what I believe anymore...but I've lost most of my faith.

Anyway, I'm rambling about myself, but I can relate to you so much...and I'm sorry life has to be so difficult. You deserve happiness and peace, and I hope you find it some day in whatever happens. Good luck to you.

Thank you, you make me feel less alone with your fast and eloquent response, for what it's worth. I'm sorry to hear about your illnesses, that is what I'm getting at too, the cruel and unforgiving nature of a life that can be so beautiful but so disgusting as well. It's not fair, and it's not supposed to be but it just depresses me, if I could cure your illness I would. I also have I guess what you could call an illness but really it is just life ruining brain damage from a reaction to a medication I took for depression, I would take the depression over this state every single time as my life was actually very worth living and enjoyable then, I was just socially depressed and demotivated. Life feels like a sick joke to me, but in some ways I feel as if I deserve it even though I probably don't, at least not all of it. I honestly love(d) life and I'm only 22 but mine is literally coming to an end soon, I just can't believe it. I want to exist forever so badly, the universe is beautiful no matter how disgusting people are. All I can do is what you could call "pray" to the nature that's allowed me to exist in the first place to give me another chapter in this journey of existence, I really do love it, I've just been destroyed in this mind and body and I hope it's not the end. Anyways, no need to respond to this I could type all night long on a night like this.

 

[NoChoice]

Your words could easily be mine. Everything that you're saying rings true to me. Thank you for your kindness and compassion about my illnesses. They're horrible, but sometimes, like you said, I feel like maybe I deserve it. For some reason I feel like I'm being punished for maybe not being the best person I could be at times. But I'm human, ad we all make mistakes. I have never done anything that terrible where I think illnesses and unhappiness, as we are both experiencing, should be warranted.

I'm so sorry you've got to deal with brain damage due to a medication. That's horrible. I think it's pathetic that doctors prescribe these things to help us get better, but in the end, they hurt us and make us worse. Horrific.

I wish I could make you all better too. I wish for health and happiness for everyone who suffers. Sometimes I still find myself "praying" for something better. Something to help, one little bitty thing to get better...but no one hears me. And I'm sure you feel the same. I feel for you, and again...I'm so sorry you deal with all this.

Yes it's truly pathetic they prescribe medications that can possibly do things like this, they've also driven my sister crazy but her reactions were not nearly as bad as mine. The part that pisses me off is I found great joy in doing psychedelics which are illegal and my mom always made me feel so bad for doing it, but then she was the one that lead me to this legal prescription drug that has in all honesty destroyed me. It honestly amazes me, it really feels like a part of my brain is missing, its a pathetic way to live you really wouldn't believe how hollow and terrifying it is to live in this state, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Nothing is pleasurable or even stimulating, emotion is non existent, everything "inside" of me is erased permanently and there is no place to start rebuilding. Anyways, your comment was physically warming to me because I try to explain this to my family and friends and they literally won't believe me, they don't want to believe it and are in denial. No one has even said wow, that's bullshit and I'm sorry like you just did. In 2 years and none of them said that. So thank you so much I've been needing someone to just fucking say that, you don't get it. Thank you.

 

[NoChoice]

You are very welcome. Everyone deserves validation, and to be heard. Even though I don't necessarily know exactly what you are feeling in your head, I do understand how difficult and horrible changes like that can be and the affects are indescribable. I get terrible, severe brainfog with my illness, and sometimes it's just embarrassing when I'm talking to someone and all of a sudden I don't know what I was saying, and the conversation stops, I can remember anything at that moment about what point I was trying to make. Makes things so awkward.

It must be a nightmare going through these things for you. I cannot even begin to imagine when it's like to not feel much emotion and no stimulation. And I completely understand what's its like dealing with a family and friends in denial. It is much easier for them to think we don't have these things than to accept that we do and be forced to deal with it. Unfortunately there is no praying it away, or hoping for the best and being all positive about it..cause what's done is done and this shit is not going away.

I'm glad that I do have a supportive family now, but when I was first trying to get diagnosed, which took 8 years, my family was in denial. It wasn't until I was finally diagnosed that they realized, "oh this must be for real." I hate being like this use as much as they hate seeing me suffer...and I'm sure your family and friends feel the same. But it makes us feel worse not to be believed when we know our bodies and minds better than anyone else could.

Yes truly being heard does bring a certain sense of relief or something so thank you again. To be fair I am in denial too to live in this state for 2 years, I think any sane person would've already ctb'd,, it's literally wanting to jump out of your skin, never feeling comfort or relaxed, there is no relief other than sleep. I could break at any moment, gauge out my eyeballs run into traffic slice myself up with a butchers knife, that is how it feels. I coped with death a long time ago but honestly never thought it would come so soon, and I thought if it did it would just happen, but this state of feeling stuck and like I have to do it myself is really a nightmare, it's like I have no choice but to finish myself off.. I think it's approaching a vegettable state. I am decent at speaking and typing but that is about it, so even that fools people into thinking I am better off than I really am. I still have a connection with reality if that makes sense, but I can't express how much there is truly nothing inside of me, theres not even an inside for there to be nothing in. If you care to look, if you google "devoid wellbutrin" this guy explains it actually quite well. You don't have to though. Anyways, sorry for rambling I just feel better knowing someone at least would care enough to listen and maybe slightly understand what this is, because even I can't understand it and I never knew such states of existing were possible, and I feel the need to at least share the condition in its entirety because I honestly know I will not make it much longer in this state, its been 2 years which is absolute insanity I have suffered this long. What is your illness if you don't mind me asking? I'm really interested if you care to share I will read it all. Also, I know how you feel with the brain fog and blanking, that is how mine usually is. I use words and letters as a "guide" or reference to point and I go from there, but if I can't get started I will literally stay blank for days at a time, if that makes sense. It's amazing that this is even possible.

 

[2 be or not]

"Life Is Just Fundamentally Fucked Up?"

Yes and with 96 percent of our experience here on earth being dark (energy/matter) or beyond our human ability to perceive, it's hard to say anything certain about it. Oddly, I get comfort in the mystery of it.

https://science.nasa.gov/astrophysics/focus-areas/what-is-dark-energy

I hope you can find peace.

 

[creationisdeath]

I can understand you very well. I struggle very hard with this limited lifespan.

Media/government want us to consume and slave like we live forever. But we do not. I just can't get over the utter meaninglessness. Everything you do is ultimately pointless.

Screw the survival instinct. Consciousness is a curse.

 

[NoChoice]

I can understand you very well. I struggle very hard with this limited lifespan.

Media/government want us to consume and slave like we live forever. But we do not. I just can't get over the utter meaninglessness. Everything you do is ultimately pointless.

Screw the survival instinct. Consciousness is a curse.

I fucking hate the government, its pure evil as far as I can tell. I think due to my awareness of what you just said, I've actually experienced more and had more pleasure in my 22 years than many people do in their entire lives, so I can at least go with some solace in that. I think consciousness is mostly a curse, but I have experienced states of bliss and pure euphoria on psychedelic drugs, I know it sounds crazy and I would agree its fucked up that I have to take drugs to get there, but it surely made life worth it. I don't understand it but psychedelic drugs were BY FAR the best thing I experienced on this planet, hands down. And yet they are misunderstood, stigmatized, demonized and illegal.. go figure. Fuck this planet I hate almost all people.

 

[Sickman75]

Yes it's truly pathetic they prescribe medications that can possibly do things like this, they've also driven my sister crazy but her reactions were not nearly as bad as mine. The part that pisses me off is I found great joy in doing psychedelics which are illegal and my mom always made me feel so bad for doing it, but then she was the one that lead me to this legal prescription drug that has in all honesty destroyed me. It honestly amazes me, it really feels like a part of my brain is missing, its a pathetic way to live you really wouldn't believe how hollow and terrifying it is to live in this state, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Nothing is pleasurable or even stimulating, emotion is non existent, everything "inside" of me is erased permanently and there is no place to start rebuilding. Anyways, your comment was physically warming to me because I try to explain this to my family and friends and they literally won't believe me, they don't want to believe it and are in denial. No one has even said wow, that's bullshit and I'm sorry like you just did. In 2 years and none of them said that. So thank you so much I've been needing someone to just fucking say that, you don't get it. Thank you.

I've done alot of psychedelics myself. Acid,shrooms and dmt. I used to grow my own shrooms and make my own dmt and have a great clean source for acid. I was so good at growing shrooms. I loved the hobby. I was exporting them out to California by mail. I used to get my acid by mail as well. I became a big figure online as a grower. I documented everything grow logs, pics, trips, all of it. I taught people how to grow. I had a Facebook page dedicated to growing. I had over 1200 members on there. I was so into it and made me the happiest of the happy. I wish I could go back to those days again. I wish I could embrace those moments and hold onto them longer. They truly we're magical for me. I had to stop because it was getting way out of hand and almost caught a few times, it made my wife really nervous. I miss those days. I helped so many people out medicinally, I was their care taker. Me. Me alone. It was the only thing I was good at in this life that I didn't really fuck up doing. Except for almost getting caught. I felt alive. Even when I ate them I would feel the love that I was missing in my life. I could feel the vibrations of life and knew that I could for one day be alive with love. Same with acid and dmt. It changed me. It made me a different person. It made my being capable of transcending life and love. And it's all gone just like that a snap of a finger gone. Pulled out like a rug from under my feet. I'll never get those days back again, ever. But that was my alive time.

 

[NoChoice]

I've done alot of psychedelics myself. Acid,shrooms and dmt. I used to grow my own shrooms and make my own dmt and have a great clean source for acid. I was so good at growing shrooms. I loved the hobby. I was exporting them out to California by mail. I used to get my acid by mail as well. I became a big figure online as a grower. I documented everything grow logs, pics, trips, all of it. I taught people how to grow. I had a Facebook page dedicated to growing. I had over 1200 members on there. I was so into it and made me the happiest of the happy. I wish I could go back to those days again. I wish I could embrace those moments and hold onto them longer. They truly we're magical for me. I had to stop because it was getting way out of hand and almost caught a few times, it made my wife really nervous. I miss those days. I helped so many people out medicinally, I was their care taker. Me. Me alone. It was the only thing I was good at in this life that I didn't really fuck up doing. Except for almost getting caught. I felt alive. Even when I ate them I would feel the love that I was missing in my life. I could feel the vibrations of life and knew that I could for one day be alive with love. Same with acid and dmt. It changed me. It made me a different person. It made my being capable of transcending life and love. And it's all gone just like that a snap of a finger gone. Pulled out like a rug from under my feet. I'll never get those days back again, ever. But that was my alive time.

I love you for that! Spreading the magic and love, putting your own self at risk. I respect that, I wanted to do that so bad in a lot of ways. I sold weed for a while and helped friends get psychedelics but thats about it. I agree so much, the stoner days were fucking amazing but then the LSD/DMT days were just.. my life. What made life have incredible meaning, just like you said I wish I could just go back in that moment and stay in it forever, and I remember thinking that during the trips. It's pretty much the opposite now, I want this moment to end and never come back, and thats how I feel every moment. Just the fact that psychedelics are illegal makes me want to ctb, but then the fact that legal pharmaceuticals I was lied to into taking gave me life ruining brain damage, I have no choice. World is backwards, I'm to kind hearted and weak in societies eyes to survive. I just wanted to spread love, make love, enjoy nature, eat fruits and veggies, listen and make music, do psychedelic drugs and make the world a better place.. thats not allowed here. I gotta ask, are you planning to ctb or just chilling in these forums?

 

[Memento Mori]

I've always wanted to trust life, wanted to love it, embrace it. But even from a young age I always just realized how fundamentally depressing it is. We come from nothing, find people or things we love, and then are guaranteed death while we have absolutely no clue what happens after death. It's even more frightening when you realize how ridiculously misleading and scientifically inaccurate religion is (no offense). It's just so fucking depressing, if I knew I could be with my family forever I'd be one happpy fuck but I'm just gonna lose them no matter what ):

You're just counting up bad stuff. How could you be happy about anything if you don't even know how it is without it?

Why is everything pointless? If you play a building game like forge of empires u just play it to leave everything behind or server/game goes down some day, if u do something so that people remember you, they will forget you anyways...If u do something for our planet, some day it gets roasted away by sun anyways...U do it for yourself, for the lifespan you're walking around here...for satisfaction. Once we were more or less happy with nothing, now we NEED to move forward to a past where we don't have to eat or shit anymore, a world where robots resemble humans doing all the work while we're swimming in some tank with VR glasses, living like in that movie (forgot the name)...that's creepy. If u can't take away humans free will and desire u just make them want ultimate comfortability and give them technical options to replace the real world. Maybe it's just a side effect of society moving towards being ruled by Illuminati being ruled by an artificial intelligence :D Time for some conspirancy theories?

I'd like to be an animal, there's no questioning just doing...

If you need your life to have some meaning then go for it, whatever makes you happy, if there's nothing then you're making something wrong...Even dying could be the point, either dying bc u can't take circumstances anymore or dying bc that's just what you heart desires for. But if you question that than it's not really your point of life to die, somehow you're attached to be alive and conscious. It just sucks that so many ppl can't be happy anymore these days, it never was different since we can think but it's getting worse while time flies by...and their answer is fuckin pharmaceuticals. Take one Aspirin at morning, two Tavor in the evening and three Haldol at night *insert awesome TV ad here how great life is now, jumping to work like a kid, sitting in a café full of hot girls/boys, saving a cat and a grandma from a tree while walking home*...but when I look out of my window I see a 'The Walking Dead' advertisement.....Thanks Johnson & Johnson (& co)

 

[21Neberg]

I'd like to be an animal, there's no questioning just doing...

Another advantage is the far shorter lifespan... :)

 

[Memento Mori]

Another advantage is the far shorter lifespan... :)

We wouldn't care anyways :P

We once had a pretty low lifespan too, maybe bc of lack of medical knowledge and war, but...I don't know, does a short lifespan HAVE TO come along with suffering (infections n stuff)? How long are we actually supposed to live? And what does technology have to do with it...Can we say that everything we can physically accomplish is meant to exist, no matter if there's a god or not? Can we destroy the eco system completely or will it always find a way around being completely broken, like killing us some day by mutated poisonous frog elephants who get killed by another species before ruling everything like dinosaurs once did? Or does it depend on coincidence if a meteorite saves the day? It seems pointless. I'm gonna stop I got lost in my mind lol

 

[creationisdeath]

Another advantage is the far shorter lifespan... :)

I want to be a dog in a rich household. A few amazing years then peaceful slumber.

 

[creationisdeath]

We wouldn't care anyways :P

We once had a pretty low lifespan too, maybe bc of lack of medical knowledge and war, but...I don't know, does a short lifespan HAVE TO come along with suffering (infections n stuff)? How long are we actually supposed to live? And what does technology have to do with it...Can we say that everything we can physically accomplish is meant to exist, no matter if there's a god or not? Can we destroy the eco system completely or will it always find a way around being completely broken, like killing us some day by mutated poisonous frog elephants who get killed by another species before ruling everything like dinosaurs once did? Or does it depend on coincidence if a meteorite saves the day? It seems pointless. I'm gonna stop I got lost in my mind lol

I read that this is a myth. The upper classes lived long too. The statistics are skewed because many kids died young. If you made it past a certain point you had good chances of reaching the same age as today.

The pointlessness culminates in everything being destruction. Hence my username. The only reason you live is because you kill. Permanently.

Everything and everyone is killing each other. If there is a God he is a sadist.

 

[TheCrow]

I used to grow my own shrooms and make my own dmt and have a great clean source for acid. I was so good at growing shrooms. I loved the hobby. I was exporting them out to California by mail. I used to get my acid by mail as well. I became a big figure online as a grower. I documented everything grow logs, pics, trips, all of it. I taught people how to grow. I had a Facebook page dedicated to growing. I had over 1200 members on there. I was so into it and made me the happiest of the happy. I wish I could go back to those days again. I wish I could embrace those moments and hold onto them longer. They truly we're magical for me. I had to stop because it was getting way out of hand and almost caught a few times, it made my wife really nervous. I miss those days. I helped so many people out medicinally, I was their care taker

Thank you for your contribution to helping expand the consciousness of society. You did a lot of really good work, and no one can take that away from you. Your legacy is probably greater than you even know.

 

[TheCrow]

There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. Don't think less of yourself because of it. Life is cruel unfortunately. I feel the same way you do about my parents. They're the main reason I am here still. I don't know what I'm going to do when their time comes to depart this existence. If I could go on and be happy with my life, well that would be great, but I know I can't and won't ever be able to. I also am chronically ill and have incurable diseases on top of it all. I depend on my dad a lot because he helps me with some of my therapy. Without them, I'm nothing, literally.

For now, I have some things I enjoy doing. I'm an artist and I love paint and escaping reality for a while, but it only lasts so long. I was born and raised Christian, but as things started going downhill for me, the less and less I believed. I'm not even sure what I believe anymore...but I've lost most of my faith.

Anyway, I'm rambling about myself, but I can relate to you so much...and I'm sorry life has to be so difficult. You deserve happiness and peace, and I hope you find it some day in whatever happens. Good luck to you.

Wow, we are so similar. I am so sorry for the situation that you are in. Have you posted any of your artwork on any of the threads here? If not, you should! Come to think of it, I think I saw one, but I'd like to see more!

 

[Sickman75]

Thank you for your contribution to helping expand the consciousness of society. You did a lot of really good work, and no one can take that away from you. Your legacy is probably greater than you even know.

Nobody ever said thank you to me besides one person who I helped with her cluster headaches. Everybody else just took it all for granted. But I didn't care, I was in my zone..it was go to thing. That's what it was a mushroom grower. And to me that was everything. Makes me sad thinking back to those days and how alive I felt. Electrically charged human being with super hero powers. Nothing else mattered, except what was in front of me. I would do enormous amounts of acid and be in love with everything. Everything I touched because gold. I would spend hours online helping others grow. Not because I was better than them, because I failed more times at it then they did. And I didn't want people to go through those extra hard grows and end up just growing mold instead. I wanted people to grow shrooms. Be eternal with themselves. Find that hope in their lives. Find love, share love, embrace those moments and feel connected the way I did. That's what I wanted to happen. I felt alive so dynamically, I wanted to save the world with my knowledge of growing shrooms. Feel peace and feel wholesome. Wether they did or not, I have no idea. But I introduced many people that they never would have known otherwise. I had a secret page where by invite only they could come in and check the store out or trade for goods. I made that all happen. Me, this guy who's typing away in a suicide forum because he fucked up and made a few bad decisions that he never ever thought was possible. But there go I.
Regret,shame, forgiveness,dishoner,inexspicable,holy hell what happened. And I have to live with that or die by the noose and make an 11 year old girl suffer because of that. Pass the bullet please, but maybe l can find redemption and turn my life around...and help others maybe find their souls again in a different route. I don't know. That's what I'm hoping for.

 

[Sickman75]

I love you for that! Spreading the magic and love, putting your own self at risk. I respect that, I wanted to do that so bad in a lot of ways. I sold weed for a while and helped friends get psychedelics but thats about it. I agree so much, the stoner days were fucking amazing but then the LSD/DMT days were just.. my life. What made life have incredible meaning, just like you said I wish I could just go back in that moment and stay in it forever, and I remember thinking that during the trips. It's pretty much the opposite now, I want this moment to end and never come back, and thats how I feel every moment. Just the fact that psychedelics are illegal makes me want to ctb, but then the fact that legal pharmaceuticals I was lied to into taking gave me life ruining brain damage, I have no choice. World is backwards, I'm to kind hearted and weak in societies eyes to survive. I just wanted to spread love, make love, enjoy nature, eat fruits and veggies, listen and make music, do psychedelic drugs and make the world a better place.. thats not allowed here. I gotta ask, are you planning to ctb or just chilling in these forums?

I won't know until my lawyer tells me and at this point he hasn't. But if I do, it will be hanging either the Chris Cornell way or in my garage.

 

[TheCrow]

Nobody ever said thank you to me besides one person who I helped with her cluster headaches.

With mushrooms, right?

That's what it was a mushroom grower. And to me that was everything. Makes me sad thinking back to those days and how alive I felt. Electrically charged human being with super hero powers. Nothing else mattered, except what was in front of me. I would do enormous amounts of acid and be in love with everything. Everything I touched because gold. I would spend hours online helping others grow. Not because I was better than them, because I failed more times at it then they did. And I didn't want people to go through those extra hard grows and end up just growing mold instead. I wanted people to grow shrooms. Be eternal with themselves. Find that hope in their lives. Find love, share love, embrace those moments and feel connected the way I did. That's what I wanted to happen. I felt alive so dynamically, I wanted to save the world with my knowledge of growing shrooms. Feel peace and feel wholesome. Wether they did or not, I have no idea. But I introduced many people that they never would have known otherwise. I had a secret page where by invite only they could come in and check the store out or trade for goods. I made that all happen.

God, you so get it. Beautiful. That's how things should be. You were a great teacher, an educator. The psychedelic community is wiser because of you.

 

[Sickman75]

With mushrooms, right?


God, you so get it. Beautiful. That's how things should be. You were a great teacher, an educator. The psychedelic community is wiser because of you.

Yep with mushroom growing. Nobody really gave me a thank you. They just expected it to be that way I guess. I would do anything to find another passion like that again. A career. In my life. My future. Something.
Listen to the name.

 

[TheCrow]

Listen to the name.

Man, those were lovely.

 

[Sickman75]

Ya I was good at my craft. Too bad it sizzled out.

 

[21Neberg]

I want to be a dog in a rich household. A few amazing years then peaceful slumber.

A rich, a poor household... it doesn't matter when you're a dog or a cat. It all depends on your owner. You could live in some rich household with a terrible owner, that'd be horrible.

 

[Glim]

Life is the creator of all of its own problems (desire to survive and avoid suffering via satisfying needs, chasing insatiable desires, and satisfying the ego; desire to keep replicating, creating more need+desire machines and causing more chaos, for no real reason in a decaying system in which usable energy keeps decreasing)

 

[NoChoice]

Ya I was good at my craft. Too bad it sizzled out.

I feel for you man, having my psychedelic glory days well behind me without a trace. I wasn't an OG or a plug like you but it was my life for several years... now everything is dull and meaningless, hopeless. I guess that's fine, at least I had those experiences where as most people don't. I think many people would say you can't ctb because of your daughter, but I would offer another viewpoint.. that you have to do what's best for you because if you really are suffering to an unbearable degree, then unfortunately you wouldn't be able to be the father you'd wanna be for her anyways.. I know it sounds harsh but I'm sure that makes sense to you. You'll know when you hit that point, it seems you still have some fight in you for sure.. least you could do is wait till shes older you know? While I'm being tortured and suffering every second of every day by my condition, if I had a daughter or someone directly dependent on me I think I could do it for a number of years. Hope you take this the right way and not condescending or disrespectful, just trying to offer an honest view rather than ah you have a daughter you're fucked.. I wish you all the best man, from what I know about you you're a good man, seriously. EDIT: Also, those shrooms look amazing, I respect that line of work so much. The world needs more people like that, honestly. I honestly love you for doing that. I'm guessing you've heard of Paul Stamets? If not then you're in for a fucking treat.

 

[Sickman75]

No no I appreciate everything you said. I have some fight left your right on that. But when the day comes when I can't push on anymore, I hope someday she can understand my decision that I had to make. It's a bad situation to be in, and in fact it sucks. I wish there was other options but at the moment there just isn't any. I will leave her a beautiful letter to read .explaining this isn't her fault. But I hope and I pray to God everyday that I don't have to do that. Thank you for typing your thoughts out man, I truly appreciate it very much.

 

[Sickman75]

I feel for you man, having my psychedelic glory days well behind me without a trace. I wasn't an OG or a plug like you but it was my life for several years... now everything is dull and meaningless, hopeless. I guess that's fine, at least I had those experiences where as most people don't. I think many people would say you can't ctb because of your daughter, but I would offer another viewpoint.. that you have to do what's best for you because if you really are suffering to an unbearable degree, then unfortunately you wouldn't be able to be the father you'd wanna be for her anyways.. I know it sounds harsh but I'm sure that makes sense to you. You'll know when you hit that point, it seems you still have some fight in you for sure.. least you could do is wait till shes older you know? While I'm being tortured and suffering every second of every day by my condition, if I had a daughter or someone directly dependent on me I think I could do it for a number of years. Hope you take this the right way and not condescending or disrespectful, just trying to offer an honest view rather than ah you have a daughter you're fucked.. I wish you all the best man, from what I know about you you're a good man, seriously. EDIT: Also, those shrooms look amazing, I respect that line of work so much. The world needs more people like that, honestly. I honestly love you for doing that. I'm guessing you've heard of Paul Stamets? If not then you're in for a fucking treat.

I feel for you man, having my psychedelic glory days well behind me without a trace. I wasn't an OG or a plug like you but it was my life for several years... now everything is dull and meaningless, hopeless. I guess that's fine, at least I had those experiences where as most people don't. I think many people would say you can't ctb because of your daughter, but I would offer another viewpoint.. that you have to do what's best for you because if you really are suffering to an unbearable degree, then unfortunately you wouldn't be able to be the father you'd wanna be for her anyways.. I know it sounds harsh but I'm sure that makes sense to you. You'll know when you hit that point, it seems you still have some fight in you for sure.. least you could do is wait till shes older you know? While I'm being tortured and suffering every second of every day by my condition, if I had a daughter or someone directly dependent on me I think I could do it for a number of years. Hope you take this the right way and not condescending or disrespectful, just trying to offer an honest view rather than ah you have a daughter you're fucked.. I wish you all the best man, from what I know about you you're a good man, seriously. EDIT: Also, those shrooms look amazing, I respect that line of work so much. The world needs more people like that, honestly. I honestly love you for doing that. I'm guessing you've heard of Paul Stamets? If not then you're in for a fucking treat.

Yeah I have his book around here somewhere .Only person in history to have a patent on his own mushroom. The guy is a genius. Mad respect for him.