Life is exhausting but I’m barely pushing it

[ThatStateOfMind]

Feels like I'm doing okay but just barely. I have so many precalculus assignments to do, need to get 3 chapters done by the 29th, computer science classes are becoming harder and I'm not adjusted to that yet, English composition is easy though. I just read a few resources a week and write my essays in one day, maybe two on this next one since it's very long.

On another note, my ex and I have been amicable, which is pleasant. I feel like she's stringing me along or something though. I am still not over her and she's talking about still wanting to get together with me if im open to it. I don't know if I am or not yet. I'm not over her yet, and it's been 6 months today since we broke up. I still have pictures of her framed (they're turned towards a wall), and I have poster boards I held up at a color guard rally when we were in high school.

My friend wants us to get together, and I honestly do too but I can't be strung alone since she still has a boyfriend. She needs ti make up her mind and not do this to me any longer, but I don't have to guts to say that on my own because I still enjoy talking with her about life, she still knows things that I've never told anyone else, even my mom.

I bought a new MacBook for school because my current laptop is shit (a small reason why im a little behind in school because it can freeze for an hour or so at times). I probably need to get back to assignments but I just needed to talk about this.

It's not really great, but it's not awful either. Just a general life update, I apologize if my posts feel like a journal entry at this point, I just enjoy the company of everyone here, and talking to you all is pleasant and I haven't posted in a bit

 

[Lulzacruel]

dont worry about making this place feel like a journal as this is the recovery section. journals can be pretty good at recovering and coping with many things.

anyways, it seems like your life is going fair. keep it that way brother

 

[cami]

you got this my love. just keep hoping. we love your company too <3

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Thank you guys for the support. I'm also struggling with an ED (had it years ago, beat it, but still have major body dysmorphia). I ate out twice today and I weigh 117 now, which isn't bad given my height of 5'9 but I still beat myself up over it for some reason. I look into the mirror and see a fat slob, I wish I didn't see myself this way, deep down, I know I'm not large but it's hard to kick that image when it's literally what you perceive as reality.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Thank you guys for the support. I'm also struggling with an ED (had it years ago, beat it, but still have major body dysmorphia). I ate out twice today and I weigh 117 now, which isn't bad given my height of 5'9 but I still beat myself up over it for some reason. I look into the mirror and see a fat slob, I wish I didn't see myself this way, deep down, I know I'm not large but it's hard to kick that image when it's literally what you perceive as reality.

Eating disorders are very difficult. But not bad? That's nowhere remotely near being overweight. I get hating your body though in my case I am objectively not as thin as that. Because the presence of fat on your body isn't a subjective thing so try to use the facts as they are when you feel terrible about your body.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Eating disorders are very difficult. But not bad? That's nowhere remotely near being overweight. I get hating your body though in my case I am objectively not as thin as that. Because the presence of fat on your body isn't a subjective thing so try to use the facts as they are when you feel terrible about your body.

I know, I am definitely not overweight but I begin to see myself that way, not permanently but for maybe a day or two? I try to look at the objective facts and it does help honestly, but not all the time unfortunately