whatevs
Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
- Jan 15, 2022
- 2,914
Today I had a crisp, simple, not over-dramatized realization: life has always been almost impossible (OR impossible) for someone like me. All of my life, I've noticed there were people for whom my problems didn't exist, that were granted the basics of existence that I had to claw my way into, losing precious energy that is normally used with everything else that is achievable when the essentials are covered. For these people, a relatively carefree existence in this nightmarish world was in store. If they couldn't get something they wanted, at least they could always get a good night's sleep, sex or restorative laughing in the company of their peers.
One example of a debiltating issue that doesn't exist for many is that if I don't apply a strong bactericidal agent on my armpits every 4 hours, I will stink. This is relentless, and any lapsus of focus will mean that you emit pestilence. To add insult to injury, I have social anxiety, which makes me sweat like a terrified prey in many social situations. How many have to worry about being pestilent? It seems uncommon in my experience. The message being conveyed seems to be that you are genetic trash, if we are being honest.
I was only granted a few perks in the game of life. When you have a background of nerdy coping with RPGs, you realize how apt the starting screens are as an analogy of life. Somehow, for some people, which in prior generations would just perish or be killed, a bunch of the assignable points get wasted in some obscure trait that is not favourable in your particular environment. I was assigned being mentally profound (not quick, but slow and exhaustive), a decent sense of humour and slightly good looking. But the negative or useless traits were too numerous. Hence my presence in this forum.
I carry on though. I need to see more, perhaps do more, perhaps stop doing more.
One example of a debiltating issue that doesn't exist for many is that if I don't apply a strong bactericidal agent on my armpits every 4 hours, I will stink. This is relentless, and any lapsus of focus will mean that you emit pestilence. To add insult to injury, I have social anxiety, which makes me sweat like a terrified prey in many social situations. How many have to worry about being pestilent? It seems uncommon in my experience. The message being conveyed seems to be that you are genetic trash, if we are being honest.
I was only granted a few perks in the game of life. When you have a background of nerdy coping with RPGs, you realize how apt the starting screens are as an analogy of life. Somehow, for some people, which in prior generations would just perish or be killed, a bunch of the assignable points get wasted in some obscure trait that is not favourable in your particular environment. I was assigned being mentally profound (not quick, but slow and exhaustive), a decent sense of humour and slightly good looking. But the negative or useless traits were too numerous. Hence my presence in this forum.
I carry on though. I need to see more, perhaps do more, perhaps stop doing more.
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