Life goes on, but what the hell does it matter if everything just seems to end? (Emotional venting before CTB SN)

[TheDoctor(Who)]

For three years, I was in a relationship where I changed everything about myself—my college, my city, my friends. I distanced myself from my family and built an entire foundation around another person. And now it's over. She said terrible things, and with my ADHD and OCD, having never even cursed her out, I didn't understand any of it. Okay, I moved back home, restarted prep classes to try for another college, I'm getting my driver's license, I'm meeting another girl... but how do you just abandon everything and move on? Doesn't it feel wrong to start a whole new life while still wanting the old one? I already have my SN ready, and honestly, there's not much keeping me from just CTB.

She was the only one who could understand and explain to me—how all the closest friends or even her sister ended up blocking me, how all the abuse from her was wrong, just to sit down and talk it through. But I don't have that right anymore (she cut off every possible line of contact). Honestly, it's not about getting the relationship back, but about gaining a deeper understanding, maybe some kind of romanticized closure. Everything feels so wrong.

Maybe this story just has to end, and CTB is the only way—for this unbearable pain of not being able to move forward (even with all the opportunities), or simply because I've already lived everything I wanted to live up to this point.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I'm sorry life has lead you to this point. We're here for you <3

 

[Yume Nikki]

My ex abused me throughout the course of our 8-month relationship and I just have no idea how to move forward without him in my life. There'd be moments where he was loving, kind, and supportive... times where he wasn't always an asshole and enjoyed my company. I've spoken to other guys but none captured the same feeling I had when I was talking to my ex.

I still want him back and the fact that he dumped me before Christmas just hurts even more. All the time we spent together, I don't even know if it meant anything to him. He said he wanted to start a new 'chapter' and that he didn't know how to support my OCD. I feel so lonely and isolated it's ridiculous. Looking back at my old photos makes me miss those warm days together and I'm at a point where I genuinely want the pain to end. It's just not fair, I didn't want our relationship to end...

 

[Valhala]

I completely understand you because I myself went through (still going through) a similar situation. For the sake of the only woman I truly loved, I left everything, put an end to all my previous life because I always knew that she was the one, the only one and the right one for me. Unfortunately, due to the excessive intensity of our relationship and errors in communication, I broke up with her without understanding her oversensitivity and misinterpreting some of her actions. I reacted impatiently and hastily because the pressure I at that time I felt (the breakup of a long-term marriage and breakup with my previous family) was too difficult for me. She was disappointed and wavered after my first breakup, and when I broke up with her for the third time, she made it impossible to have any further formal contact between us. I know that she and she is no longer indifferent to me but she is angry and disappointed and I am broken because by losing her I have lost every further meaning in life. I tried everything to overcome it but today, almost a year after our breaking up, I realize that I simply am not able to overcome it, because today she is just as important and necessary to me, without her my life has simply lost all meaning. Based on some of her posts on social networks, I understand that it is difficult for her as well and I cannot to come to terms with the fact that we are so much for each other and that we are left without each other. I am aware of my responsibility for the breakup and the feeling of guilt completely prevents me from functioning normally. I dream about her often and in my dreams we always reconcile and be together again, maybe that's the only thing keeping me here for now.