Life fucked out of the blue - Happiest to the Unhappiest man alive

[xrafinha]

Hello. Please allow me to introduce myself.

I'm a 30 year old male, I live in brazil and I was living a fairly happy life util 23, jan, 2021. That day, out of the blue, my stomach gave up on me. I came to learn I developed a desiese called Gastroparesis. Prior to that I was health.

So this desiese paralyzes the stomach, making it empty much slower. So if I'm to eat something by morning, it will be there for a long time.

I suspect this desiese came from my own doing. I used to go to the gym and eat a loot, so I developed reflux two years ago, and the two desieses are associated. That thought really kills me.

It's been two months and 0 sighns of improvement, I guess things is as they are now.


Just like that I can't take pleasure in anything anymore. Imagine living without being able to eat or drink. Most of what we eat is absorved in the intestines, so if you are to eat or drink anything and it stays in your stomach, you feel no pleasure.
I lost a ton of weight and don't have energy for anything.
I feel a constant thirst, but water is no help.


I was quite active, working, styding, exercising. I used to love going in to raves. I was just starting a relationship with the best girl I've ever meet, and we were 4 months in. I just had moved to live alone, and was doing great at work, things were really going my way.


That's the thing. Most of my life I was a interenet nerd, playing computer 24/7 and I was unhappy. That was the first time I was doing something with my life and was really enjoyng it. I just had a taste of what could have been. damn.



It almost feels like an punishiment coming from God, if you believe in those kinds of things. It feels as if I was born to be fucked. That's how I feel.


Can't get out my head that I just had everything, and know I have nothing.


So that brings me to here.


I just won't be able to accept living so handcaped, that's for sure. I much rather die now, while everything is fresh in my mind, everything I had, then to growing old and regreating everything that I lost. Life has completely lost its meaning to me.

On the other hand I take pitty in my family. My mother, father, and syster. They will have to live with the thought of having their only son (and brother) died by suicide.

My father used to be an alcoholic and he's recovered 15 years. That may push him back. My mother will die inside, I know her, but I just don't want to live anymore. When I wake up in the morning, I wish I hadn't. I try to sleep as much as possible, so in that way I'm not living my current life.

My girlfriend loves me but she will get over it quickly, thats for sure. but my family...


I guess I wanted to share that. Couldn't with anyone from my life.

I guess I'd like some point of views.

My current method is partial hanging since I can do it from my place and it doesnt require me to ingest anything.


If you came this far, thanks for reading.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Just like you said, life, out of the blue, can change for the worse.

Nothing I say will probably help you but still, I just wish you the best and hope you can find peace somehow.

Lots of hugs!

 

[Aloken]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It seems awful. Diseases should never exist. Imagine a world with no diseases.

I wish something happens and you have back your health you so deserve. I hope everything goes as you wish and need.

 

[Stolen Absolution]

That was the first time I was doing something with my life and was really enjoyng it. I just had a taste of what could have been. damn

Our situations may be different, but this really resonates with me. I had also just started to be brave enough to live my life differently. To live it more fully and more independently. Just to have the rug swept out from underneath me. It's a real kick in the nuts. I'm so sorry you feel this way as well.

What are the doctors saying? I know there are medications for gastroparesis. They do come with potential side effects that you should research first. Sometimes things take time to heal as well. My nerves are still trying to heal a year and a half out from my own situation. Maybe your body needs more time?

 

[xrafinha]

Our situations may be different, but this really resonates with me. I had also just started to be brave enough to live my life differently. To live it more fully and more independently. Just to have the rug swept out from underneath me. It's a real kick in the nuts. I'm so sorry you feel this way as well.

I'm so sorry to hear that, yes, I feel destroyed as well.

What are the doctors saying? I know there are medications for gastroparesis. They do come with potential side effects that you should research first. Sometimes things take time to heal as well. My nerves are still trying to heal a year and a half out from my own situation.

I was tested for a loot of desieses, and turns out that besides this, I'm in "health". Every exam I did came back normal. Still, if I eat, food lingers in the stomach. It does appear to be a nerve problem, because all of the sudden this happened, and also somehow affected my capability to vomit. My stomach feels weak.

Maybe your body needs more time?

I was reading somewhere that Gastroparesis can be trigguered by a viral cause. I had a strong cold when it happened, and that can be the reason, but there is no way of knowing. They say if it is, it can improve 1 to 2 years. I just don't know if I can handle that much time, you know what I mean? I don't know if I'm sane enough, and there is no garantees.