Venting Life feels like a bad joke

[kotonearisato]

Long time lurker, but finally decided to make an account the other day. Things have just gotten to the point where I really just don't see any other option besides CTB. It's like... cool, maybe there exists a future where my BPD isn't quite so volatile. But then after that I still have to live with all my trauma. Maybe there exists a future where I am able to move past all my trauma. But then after that I'm still left with an incurable genetic syndrome and chronic pain doing literally anything.

Like, the universe has to be telling me something at this point, right? I attempted quite a few times in my younger years to no avail, but the thoughts never really left. Now I'm older with access to more resources and have the money to prepare properly. I can't help but feel guilty, because this will crush my husband, but I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'm always going to be suffering at this rate. You know what I mean?

 

[Darkover]

Every day. It kind of is. We should be having fun, enjoying whatever time we have. Instead, everyone around me seems to be obsessed with pointless goals - their job, their investments, their busy social schedule. Eventually, we'll all just die and it won't matter how important our job was or whether we had a lot of friends. I don't understand how people put so much energy into so many things that mean nothing in the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is such a dreadful existence where people suffer so much, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from it all. But anyway best wishes.

 

[undesirednlazy]

life can get rather silly at times

 

[sserafim]

It really does

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I've always held on to the belief that God, or the Universe or whatever you want to call it, has an interesting sense of humor. There's multiple times that I've went through different scenarios and I could only hope that somewhere, someone found it funny.

 

[Loserhero]

Don't you get it yet? Dash hopes is a joke, stop playing it.