Rounded Agony
Hard to live, hard to die
- Aug 8, 2022
- 785
At least for some of us. This thought occurred to me some time ago and I initially posted this on another similar site. I know all about abusive relationships, and after looking up some "signs" list from resources sites, the parallels are almost humourously pronounced, if you look at it a certain light. Just add in a word like "life", "existence" or something similar for every instance of "partner" or they" in this article from au.reachout.com:
Things you might feel in an abusive relationship
'My partner isn't violent all the time – they love me'
Your violent partner may act lovingly towards you at other times and may truly feel sorry for their horrible behaviour. So it might be hard to stay angry and upset with them. However, there is quite a high chance that their violent behaviour will continue. Abusers can be incredibly charming people, especially if they're trying to make you or others see them in a good light.
'Things will get better – they didn't mean to hurt me'
After a violent episode, it's common for both you and your abuser to try and downplay what happened with excuses, apologies or promises to change. You may feel embarrassed or scared to acknowledge what actually happened. Things might settle down for a bit, but it's often only a matter of time before abuse happens again. It's very difficult to completely get rid of physical abuse in relationships, and any abusive behaviour, without professional help.
'It's so confusing – I'm sure it's a one-off'
If you're experiencing abuse, things can feel really confusing, especially if it's your first relationship or if it is the first time your partner has shown abusive behaviour towards you. You might not be sure what to expect next. Abusers often try to influence your sense of what's real, to make you feel confused or even that you're going crazy. This is known as 'gaslighting'. Statistically, though, if someone behaves violently once, they're very likely to do it again.
'Maybe it's my fault'
You may begin to think that you're to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour. An abuser may excuse their behaviour by saying something like, 'It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't…'. The truth is that no matter what you do, another person's abusive behaviour is never your fault.
'I'm scared of what will happen if I leave them'
It's not unusual to feel afraid of leaving the person who's abusing you. You might feel unsafe, or scared of what the person might do to you or themselves. You might also feel that you aren't capable of making it on your own. It's important to remember that there are people who can help you every step of the way.
Pretty funny how people will encourage and even try to help others get out of abusive relationships with humans, but with living? Well...
Things you might feel in an abusive relationship
'My partner isn't violent all the time – they love me'
Your violent partner may act lovingly towards you at other times and may truly feel sorry for their horrible behaviour. So it might be hard to stay angry and upset with them. However, there is quite a high chance that their violent behaviour will continue. Abusers can be incredibly charming people, especially if they're trying to make you or others see them in a good light.
'Things will get better – they didn't mean to hurt me'
After a violent episode, it's common for both you and your abuser to try and downplay what happened with excuses, apologies or promises to change. You may feel embarrassed or scared to acknowledge what actually happened. Things might settle down for a bit, but it's often only a matter of time before abuse happens again. It's very difficult to completely get rid of physical abuse in relationships, and any abusive behaviour, without professional help.
'It's so confusing – I'm sure it's a one-off'
If you're experiencing abuse, things can feel really confusing, especially if it's your first relationship or if it is the first time your partner has shown abusive behaviour towards you. You might not be sure what to expect next. Abusers often try to influence your sense of what's real, to make you feel confused or even that you're going crazy. This is known as 'gaslighting'. Statistically, though, if someone behaves violently once, they're very likely to do it again.
'Maybe it's my fault'
You may begin to think that you're to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour. An abuser may excuse their behaviour by saying something like, 'It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't…'. The truth is that no matter what you do, another person's abusive behaviour is never your fault.
'I'm scared of what will happen if I leave them'
It's not unusual to feel afraid of leaving the person who's abusing you. You might feel unsafe, or scared of what the person might do to you or themselves. You might also feel that you aren't capable of making it on your own. It's important to remember that there are people who can help you every step of the way.
Pretty funny how people will encourage and even try to help others get out of abusive relationships with humans, but with living? Well...
