Discussion Letting go or moving on

[karleskarles]

Im an impulsive liar. No one knows I've lied to them. And if they do then confrontation would fill me with just enough shame and regret to push me over the edge. I want to leave those lies behind. The people I've told them to no longer bring them up neither do I. But the thought of them finding out fills me with paranoia. I stay awake for hours after laying in bed because I run over scenarios in my head of how it could all go wrong. I wouldn't be able to live with myself I wouldn't be able to face anyone. I would lose my boyfriend I would lose my family. Sometimes I want to tell them. It would get rid of so much of my anxiety and paranoia, I would feel less heavy. But I can't. And I won't. No one not a single person knows and I won't be disclosing it on here either. But these thoughts and the lies I've told haunt me and they're gonna continue to. But I just want to be happy with my boyfriend. I want to let it go if I try to face it there will be no other choice that I can live with- id kill myself. No question about it.

 

[JustDie]

relate with you on this one. similar situation to me happened back 2.. 3 years ago.
for me, he found out even though i did not say anything, and that was the end of it. every time i look back, i realize it always was going to be.. if i told, they left. if i didn't.. well they found out

try a medium of both. try to lie less, but don't come clean. eventually if you succeed, there will not be so many giant lies that you remember of the present but rather things you did lie about all those years ago ...

 

[Natty]

Im an impulsive liar. No one knows I've lied to them. And if they do then confrontation would fill me with just enough shame and regret to push me over the edge. I want to leave those lies behind. The people I've told them to no longer bring them up neither do I. But the thought of them finding out fills me with paranoia. I stay awake for hours after laying in bed because I run over scenarios in my head of how it could all go wrong. I wouldn't be able to live with myself I wouldn't be able to face anyone. I would lose my boyfriend I would lose my family. Sometimes I want to tell them. It would get rid of so much of my anxiety and paranoia, I would feel less heavy. But I can't. And I won't. No one not a single person knows and I won't be disclosing it on here either. But these thoughts and the lies I've told haunt me and they're gonna continue to. But I just want to be happy with my boyfriend. I want to let it go if I try to face it there will be no other choice that I can live with- id kill myself. No question about it.

We've all been there. My advice would be to just realize that everyone lies, but not everyone feels guilt like you feel now. You might feel as thought just "coming clean" with everything will fix the negativity that telling the lies has imprinted on you, but it probably won't. Unless you previous lies are actively hurting someone you always have the option of just trying to be a better person each and every day. I think most people with serious depression or anxiety have had to lie for a number of reasons, but how many of us can honestly say we we are truly remorseful?

My point is, you don't have to blow up your life with a barrage of truth bombs to absolve yourself, your self-awareness means you're growing past the person that told those lies. You can just keep this momentum and work on being a better person and that immediately puts you ahead of the game.

I would rather befriend someone who's told a lot of lies but is working on stopping, than someone who tells few without guilt. The former is growing and learning, the latter is not.

 

[aneurysm]

I used to be an impulsive liar, now I'm an impulsive honest (too honest...).

what saved me many times was to get myself in a place of complete resignation and release complete resistance to the potential upcoming trouble.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate. I used to lie lots and always pretended to be a happy person, especially when teaching. (I guess this is a form of lying too?)

Anyway, I was given some advice which worked for me: "If you're gonna tell lies, make sure there's some piece of truth in them."

Nowadays, I tell white lies from time to time but as you've realized, lies will only make things worse. Maybe you can start by telling the truth from now on.