I was so close to reaching death, but backed out due to physical pain. I wish I was stronger & I wish I could handle pain better. Death is something I wish to be in control of for myself, though if I die by other means, it would not bother me. I'm not scared of death or being dead, I find that aspect comforting. It's the process of dying, the pain I may feel, & the risk of me changing my mind again simply because I can't handle the physical pain. I wish there were better options for me, but unfortunately I think I may have to choose a more violent option in then end. I wish we could just go peacefully & it was accessible to everyone, but unfortunately it is not.