Discussion Leading people on/acting like things are fine

[FatalSystemError591]

Do you think it is good or bad to act like you're not going to CTB even if you have intent or a method? There is such a fine line between letting people know you're in a ctb headspace, and lying about you being fine.

The main thing I think about is with my gf and I. She knows I have ideations but I keep talking like "oh we have the rest of our lives together" secretly having a rough idea of how long the rest of mine is. Is this cruel of me to hide it or is it better for her not to know that if I ever did, I know when I would do it, if I wanted to?

 

[RedFoxSwims]

It's better for her not to know since that kind of information would hurt her. Sure your death would hurt her too but it would happen either way. I'm a rather secretive person so perhaps I'm not the best person to say. I know my doctor thinks I don't have a plan when I do because if I tell him the truth it means getting locked away for at least a month. I would lose my job and generally have a bad time.

 

[NoIdeaAtAll]

Do you think it is good or bad to act like you're not going to CTB even if you have intent or a method? There is such a fine line between letting people know you're in a ctb headspace, and lying about you being fine.

The main thing I think about is with my gf and I. She knows I have ideations but I keep talking like "oh we have the rest of our lives together" secretly having a rough idea of how long the rest of mine is. Is this cruel of me to hide it or is it better for her not to know that if I ever did, I know when I would do it, if I wanted to?

I think it's good to hide it if you really want to make it.Otherwise they'll do things that "delay" your plan, I've been lying and acted like everything is normal for months now while I have attempted 2 times now, planning to do one more time and hopefully will be the last.

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

This is always such a fine line for me. I've expressed very morbid thoughts about life and death as sort of dropping hints. Especially my own death without necessarily letting it slip that I plan to ctb. I have felt the need to set the table a little and mentally prepare some family for where my head is at hoping they will be able to understand better when the time comes but it may all be for nothing. Now I'm just going through the motions of placating them to the point they don't know what I'm planning but also not showing any signs of recovery so they have false hope, if that makes any sense? Like one day I ate a meal and I rarely eat. So they said "it's good to see your eating and doing better" and I just kind of blurted out "I'm drunk and on pills don't think too far into it". Trying to squash any false hope they might harbor that I'm coming back from this while still keeping it a secret that I'm.. definitely not coming back from this. Hope that makes sense but my behavior doesn't even make sense to me right now.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Defo don't tell people you have active suicidal ideation, they will switch on pro life mode and do everything they can to save you, whilst this may not seem a bad idea, many times its detrimental to the one suffering, as they are pushed into a pro lifers point of view.
If CTB is truely what you want, then keep quiet, keep going until your time,

I like with active SI, but won't act on it for a while, I did a *test* run with no true intention a while ago. Keeping quiet till that moment really helped! I think the only hint's I have given in the past is basically, I refuse to make long term plans, always state you never know what tomorrow holds, or lets get there first!

 

[GrumpyFrog]

This is a really tricky situation. Putting aside the potential of your GF preventing you from CTB if she knows, it's really morally ambiguous. On one hand, even though people might say that honesty is oh so awesome, in reality being honest can oftentimes be more hurtful than lying or omitting information. If your girlfriend knows you're seriously going to CTB soon, she might feel obligated to save you, and it doesn't sound like you think there is anything she can do to change your mind, so she might end up feeling guilty. On the other hand, the shock of you being gone unexpectedly after giving her false hope that you'll have the rest of your lives together would be painful as well...

I'd say in most cases it would be best not to tell her, unless she is one of the rare people that are more or less accepting of the idea of suicide and she can let your go without feeling obligated to prevent your CTB by any means possible. If you know she is capable of letting you go and understanding your reasons, then it indeed would be kind and thoughtful to warn her beforehand and let her properly part with you, but that is a rare situation.

I'm sorry things are so tough on you. Kind of makes me feel lucky that no one would give a shit if I live or die, so I don't have to be faced with these dilemmas.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I'm honest as long as it doesn't hurt people too much. If I CTB I want them to be able to tell themselves they tried to help. I've been hospitalised several times, I'm doing my part. But when I successfully CTB I can't tell anyone, I don't want to be saved and I don't want people I tell being charged with manslaughter or whatever. (I've talked enough about CTB for most people to switch off since they've tried everything to help already). The downside is my gf now has anxiety every night crying wondering who around her will die during the night which I'm sure I contributed to. FML. I needed her to tell me how much it would hurt her for me to realize. I keep hurting her and I'm suffering non stop, this is hell. No idea what the answer is, other than to smile just to keep everyone else happy, else be selfish. When will I deserve to do what I want and CTB, I wonder.

 

[k75]

I'm pretty honest with certain people now, because I'm relying on them to help keep me safe. I have a deal with my best friend where we use a suicide scale. He checks daily, and I tell him where I'm at, so he knows what we need to do to make sure I'm ok.

When I ready to actually do it, nobody will know. If you warn people, they will know to watch and intervene. That's a great way to fail. I don't intend to fail.

 

[Kcountdown]

I've struggled with this very thought. Personally I tend to hide my ideas of ending my pain, I have a few close friends that I have dropped some hints on. But I would recommend not opening up to anyone you don't trust deeply or they might have you sent to a mental hospital and in my case I feel like that would do me more damage than help me. But that's just me, I'm also new to this forum so I might not be the best person to give advice.

 

[Georgii]

I had a period of time when I was desperate for help I was a visible wreck but now ..Ive come to terms with it, I'm mostly quiet and making sure noone arounds me knows .
I hate it when they do , I sometimes get paranoid when I feel like I've slipped something .
It's harder each day , I feel like Im breaking .
But at the same time I cant let go of this mask .
I don't want them to know until the last moment .