Last Wishes

[Chockles]

I've desperately been wanting to get out in nature before I CTB but been bed ridden for months.

Knowing N should be arriving next week I asked my elderly parents to run me in car down to the beach today. I sat on the sand in agony watching the seals & listening to the waves lapping up on the beach. It's just made me more sad. I won't be out again it's too challenging & now I feel crap that ill never be able to enjoy the things I love again. But I needed to do this one last time.

Life is not fair I'd only started appreciating the smaller things in life when my physical symptoms became wide spread & severe 24/7:torture now.

I pray (tho not religious) that N works. I'm not one of the few that survive it after being found as I'll only have a 12hr window or vomiting it up.

I'd have loved time to do a bucket list of things but that'll be my last memory of better times.

 

[8evergo]

I wish a lot of strength and peace and that all of your wishes will be fulfilled

 

[Stopthepain]

Might I ask u how old u are ?

 

[ClownMe]

Im sorry you're in so much pain, sending love.

 

[Kennish]

I hope it arrives soon my friend. Glad that you did come out, but I understand how you feel. I feel that life should be more than this. There is beauty in the world, but for some people it's limited, and to some, none.

It's weird knowing that our lives must end soon, but it's better then being in agony and pain. Even if it is psychical or mental pain. Either way is suffering

 

[Chockles]

Might I ask u how old u are ?

Female 48a

I hope it arrives soon my friend. Glad that you did come out, but I understand how you feel. I feel that life should be more than this. There is beauty in the world, but for some people it's limited, and to some, none.

It's weird knowing that our lives must end soon, but it's better then being in agony and pain. Even if it is psychical or mental pain. Either way is suffering

You've been a good support to me.
I wish you peace when you get your method & are ready too.

 

[oneweekleft]

I've desperately been wanting to get out in nature before I CTB but been bed ridden for months.

Knowing N should be arriving next week I asked my elderly parents to run me in car down to the beach today. I sat on the sand in agony watching the seals & listening to the waves lapping up on the beach. It's just made me more sad. I won't be out again it's too challenging & now I feel crap that ill never be able to enjoy the things I love again. But I needed to do this one last time.

Life is not fair I'd only started appreciating the smaller things in life when my physical symptoms became wide spread & severe 24/7:torture now.

I pray (tho not religious) that N works. I'm not one of the few that survive it after being found as I'll only have a 12hr window or vomiting it up.

I'd have loved time to do a bucket list of things but that'll be my last memory of better times.

Everything will work, if you'll administer the lethal dosage and Anti-emitics will prevent you from vomiting. I think, N should work pretty fast, I don't know, if combining it with benzos or opiates would speeden the process up or make it more uncertain. I wish you, that your suffering will end forever.

 

[Chockles]

Everything will work, if you'll administer the lethal dosage and Anti-emitics will prevent you from vomiting. I think, N should work pretty fast, I don't know, if combining it with benzos or opiates would speeden then process up or make it more uncertain. I wish you, that your suffering will end forever.

As I already have some tolerance to benzos I was actually advised to reduce them down.

Everything will work, if you'll administer the lethal dosage and Anti-emitics will prevent you from vomiting. I think, N should work pretty fast, I don't know, if combining it with benzos or opiates would speeden then process up or make it more uncertain. I wish you, that your suffering will end forever.

Don't think AEs will prevent Me vomitting. I am histamine intolerant (mcas). But I'll still take them regsrdless as N releases histamine too but the end goal at that dose it shouldn't matter.

 

[Stopthepain]

As I already have some tolerance to benzos I was actually advised to reduce them down.

Don't think AEs will prevent Me vomitting. I am histamine intolerant (mcas). But I'll still take them regsrdless as N releases histamine too but the end goal at that dose it shouldn't matter.

How much benzos do you take ?

 

[Chockles]

How much benzos do you take ?

I don't sleep much at all now but got it down to 2mg clonaz or xanax a night. Been tapering a while At most 2-4hrs sleep a night & 20hrs extreme agony from my conditions.

 

[Dot]

I've desperately been wanting to get out in nature before I CTB but been bed ridden for months.

Knowing N should be arriving next week I asked my elderly parents to run me in car down to the beach today. I sat on the sand in agony watching the seals & listening to the waves lapping up on the beach. It's just made me more sad. I won't be out again it's too challenging & now I feel crap that ill never be able to enjoy the things I love again. But I needed to do this one last time.

Life is not fair I'd only started appreciating the smaller things in life when my physical symptoms became wide spread & severe 24/7:torture now.

I pray (tho not religious) that N works. I'm not one of the few that survive it after being found as I'll only have a 12hr window or vomiting it up.

I'd have loved time to do a bucket list of things but that'll be my last memory of better times.

Curious if have considered Advanced Decision. Requests that medical staff avoid life sppt etc if found in come state. Refusal of treatment.

 

[Stopthepain]

I think 2mg shouldnt Interfere with your N plan. I am currently on 0.5 again.. but am also scared to increase the Dose cause the time being awake before dieing might be longer.

 

[Chockles]

Curious if have considered Advanced Decision. Requests that medical staff avoid life sppt etc if found in come state. Refusal of treatment.

Too late for me to even get the forms completed.

Curious if have considered Advanced Decision. Requests that medical staff avoid life sppt etc if found in come state. Refusal of treatment.

Only if you've filled in a form & it can take some time to make it legally binding.
I'm hoping with the lack of beds due to covid pandemic they won't even bother rushing to admit me to hospital. After all they refused in Jan when i stsrted having severe seizures. I guess it'll depend on whether parents phone GP, 999 or the police how long it would all take if I'm unconscious as nearest hospital an hr away. Tho nhs blame anxiety j know I'm very physically ill so hopefully with muscle & nerve damage so hopefully N will work even tho I have digestive issues & fear of not vomitting or being found too soon.

 

[Dot]

Www.mydecisions.org.uk can fill in online & print @ home and r binding on signing if can get witness. Have one also, solicitor visited home to sign.

 

[Chockles]

I think 2mg shouldnt Interfere with your N plan. I am currently on 0.5 again.. but am also scared to increase the Dose cause the time being awake before dieing might be longer.

Yes it's the 12hr max window that concerns me with my benzo use. That & getting N down without vomitting as AEs likely won't work. . Going to try taking 1mg max once N arrives then ctb within a few days max & no benzos on N night.

 

[Stopthepain]

Benzos while using N isnt bad. Only the tolerance i think.

 

[Chockles]

Www.mydecisions.org.uk can fill in online & print @ home and r binding on signing if can get witness. Have one also, solicitor visited home to sign.

I'm in Scotland. Rules are different. To be legally binding need a GP to sign off unless terminally ill.

Benzos while using N isnt bad. Only the tolerance i think.

Heard it can delay death. I only have 12hr window. That's my only issue.

 

[Stopthepain]

I'm in Scotland. Rules are different. To be legally binding need a GP to sign off unless terminally ill.

Heard it can delay death. I only have 12hr window. That's my only issue.

Where did u hear that? Tolerance Delays death. Benzos add up to the effect.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Do not eat 24 hours before, that should maybe make you not vomit and It will make It kick in faster. I wish you peace.

 

[Stopthepain]

Isnt it 8 hours in the pph?

 

[Chockles]

Where did u hear that? Tolerance Delays death. Benzos add

Where did u hear that? Tolerance Delays death. Benzos add up to the effect.

But I have a benzo tolerance. Cross tolerance can delay death. My drug dealer advised me better safe than sorry to get my tolerance down if I can't have 24-48hrs before being found.

Do not eat 24 hours before, that should maybe make you not vomit and It will make It kick in faster. I wish you peace.

Apart from toast & tea an hr beforehand. Stomach needs a light snack beforehand I was told.

 

[Stopthepain]

Decreasing the tolance means withdrawling from the drug for 1 month till the brain adujusted itself back again. Just not taking it on the day of CTB is contraproducitve

 

[xLosthopex]

I've desperately been wanting to get out in nature before I CTB but been bed ridden for months.

Knowing N should be arriving next week I asked my elderly parents to run me in car down to the beach today. I sat on the sand in agony watching the seals & listening to the waves lapping up on the beach. It's just made me more sad. I won't be out again it's too challenging & now I feel crap that ill never be able to enjoy the things I love again. But I needed to do this one last time.

Life is not fair I'd only started appreciating the smaller things in life when my physical symptoms became wide spread & severe 24/7:torture now.

I pray (tho not religious) that N works. I'm not one of the few that survive it after being found as I'll only have a 12hr window or vomiting it up.

I'd have loved time to do a bucket list of things but that'll be my last memory of better times.

I feel this. I've been trying to get out to enjoy nature also before ctb but I just get so sad thinking about all the things I'll never be able to experience again, but ctb is the only viable option for me at this point , I wish it wasn't though

 

[fox_wannabe]

But I have a benzo tolerance. Cross tolerance can delay death. My drug dealer advised me better safe than sorry to get my tolerance down if I can't have 24-48hrs before being found.

Apart from toast & tea an hr beforehand. Stomach needs a light snack beforehand I was told.

Good that you are well informed about this, better than me. I wish you best.

 

[Chockles]

Isnt it 8 hours in the

Decreasing the tolance means withdrawling from the drug for 1 month till the brain adujusted itself back again. Just not taking it on the day of CTB is

Decreasing the tolance means withdrawling from the drug for 1 month till the brain adujusted itself back again. Just not taking it on the day of CTB is contraproducitve

I know about decreasing tolerance. Prior to becoming sick i worked with drug addicts. No i just mean no need for me to take it on CTB day as technically N should knock me out anyway.

 

[Rational man]

I've desperately been wanting to get out in nature before I CTB but been bed ridden for months.

Knowing N should be arriving next week I asked my elderly parents to run me in car down to the beach today. I sat on the sand in agony watching the seals & listening to the waves lapping up on the beach. It's just made me more sad. I won't be out again it's too challenging & now I feel crap that ill never be able to enjoy the things I love again. But I needed to do this one last time.

Life is not fair I'd only started appreciating the smaller things in life when my physical symptoms became wide spread & severe 24/7:torture now.

I pray (tho not religious) that N works. I'm not one of the few that survive it after being found as I'll only have a 12hr window or vomiting it up.

I'd have loved time to do a bucket list of things but that'll be my last memory of better times.

I don't believe in bucket lists. Humans have the tortured gift of hindsight. We think of things we want to do, but didnt do, but would never do if life continued. Bucket lists start from birth; if its not done, it wasnt to be. ❤

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is very unfair. I'm sorry you cannot enjoy what you once loved. You do not deserve to suffer. I hope you find peace and freedom from pain.

 

[jusbug]

i dont have any wish

 

[Chockles]

Good that you are well informed about this, better than me. I wish

I don't believe in bucket lists. Humans have the tortured gift of hindsight. We think of things we want to do, but didnt do, but would never do if life continued. Bucket lists start from birth; if its not done, it wasnt to be.

i dont have any wish

I thought I did but it just made me sad.

I don't believe in bucket lists. Humans have the tortured gift of hindsight. We think of things we want to do, but didnt do, but would never do if life continued. Bucket lists start from birth; if its not done, it wasnt to be. ❤

I had so many things I wanted to do until couple years ago I was learning new hobbies, going on walks, going to buy a dog. I don't believe in bucket lists but is have liked to have had more good days quality time with parents doing fun things making up for lost time instead it's been 5 months with them completely bed ridden having them constantly worried. They too will be relieved my suffering is over but until I acquire N & set date it's absolute torture lying every day crying with the pain when mum still wants help with things as has dementia often doesn't realise how bad I am.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

my only wish for after i go is that my dogs are well taken care of and loved..