Venting Last night

[s.s.scriptties]

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night I felt something go into my throat and move inside, my arms were numb and I kept choking on whatever it is... I don't think anybody noticed my sound in the house which made me think it's a dream but I felt anything... I might be wanting death so bad I'm starting to fantasize about it... But I still feel a bad taste in my mouth, might've been an insect... It's getting to unbearable for me.
When I didn't choke to death I was so disappointed, the thing I thought of while it happened was "finally".
I still have a shitty taste in my mouth, so it might've been an insect... I think my arms went numb cause I had my veins pushed against some wires with pressure...

Me living is starting to be hard for me... I don't wanna smell things, I don't taste things, I don't wanna eat thing, I don't wanna drink things, I don't wanna physically or emotionally feel things, I don't wanna be sentient... I wanna be like a rock.

I gave up on finding a CTB partner... Nobody would come here to Egypt for me and I can't leave financially or legally... And I don't think anybody would put effort in to care about me when they can find other closer partners...

I'm gonna do it alone, used to it anyways.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to be gone and I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and tiring suffering in this existence, personally I've always found existing to be torturous. But anyway I hope you find peace.

 

[s.s.scriptties]

I also just wish to be gone and I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and tiring suffering in this existence, personally I've always found existing to be torturous. But anyway I hope you find peace.

thanks, I hope u find peace too.