Last night my mother said that I am not a man and I am worthless because I am not an alpha male.
Since yesterday, it has been constantly sitting in my head and I have suicidal thoughts because of it.
I am 32 y old and wise enough that my consciousness is not impressed by this, but my subconscious is speaking up and wants self-destruction. It makes me wonder what one must have in one's head to utter such words as my mother did.
This is not new in this family, they have long beaten me like a dog, my psyche hangs in the balance.
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Praestat_Mori, person357, Gonnerr and 6 others
Anger. She's human too. Mental illness isn't always obvious. You can't know what someone else is thinking for sure.
As far as verbal, emotional physical abuse, it gets normalized. If you've gotten as far as recognizing you've gotten beaten as if you were a dog and are getting verbally and emotionally abused, then that's a good start on recovering. It doesn't matter who you are, it wears you down over time.
What a horrible thing to say to you. You don't deserve this abuse.
Most Alpha males are assholes, so why does she want you to be an Alpha male ?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a beta, or a sigma male who are often far more caring and intelligent people.
We live in a massively dysfunctional society where aggressive bullies dominate the world.
If you are perceived as weak in any way then its perceived as a problem.
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Davey36000, ropearoundatree, LeperGnome and 1 other person
I have no money, I think I'll just go to the street and probably commit suicide, although I don't know how I'll react, maybe it will motivate me somehow, but... I have no self-confidence, I'm shy and I'm panically afraid of people.
On the other hand, vulnerable people are dehumanized by everyone without exception, so I shouldn't even seek help because everyone silently wishes me dead anyway. People who are mildly depressed because, for example, they lose their libido and were previously alpha males are adored.
As humans we are simply chimpanzees, I should learn these 10 commandments by heart. It's a world in which only people who have previously done well can admit to weakness. Very strong natural selection is at work everywhere, even here. https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2018/10/31/people-are-terrible
Never admit weakness unless you have been strong and you only have a temporary weakness e.g. after medication. Such weakness is forgiven because genetically you are not weak.
Research has shown humans often see people of certain minority groups as being less than human, Jarrett writes. One brain scan study found that participants showed less neural activity "associated with thinking about people" when they looked at pictures of homeless individuals or drug misusers compared with people of a "higher status."
Similarly, another study found that people who are either opposed to Arab immigration or in favor of tougher counter-terrorism policy against Muslim extremists tend to view Arabs and Muslims as less evolved. Other research has found that young people tend to dehumanize older people, and that men and women both tend to dehumanize drunk women.
The pattern of dehumanization starts early too, Jarrett writes. He cites one study that found children as young as five years old viewed faces of people who live in another city or are another gender as less human than the faces of those within their own group.
There's also "dispiriting" evidence that humans experience schadenfreude—deriving pleasure from another person's suffering—as early as age four, Jarrett writes. Another, more recent study found that children at six years old would rather pay money to watch an antisocial puppet get hit than use the money to buy stickers.
We tend to believe that the world is just, Jarrett writes. He cites a study, similar to now-famous research known as the Milgram study, in which a female was punished with electric shocks whenever she answered a question incorrectly. The researchers found that female participants were more likely to rate the female learner as less likable and admirable when they were told they'd see her be shocked again, especially if they felt they couldn't minimize the woman's suffering.
Other research has shown people tend to blame the poor, rape victims, AIDS patients, and others for their fate.
People are often dogmatic and hold strong to their beliefs, even when presented with evidence that contradicts them, Jarrett writes. One study published in 1967 found that participants who were strongly in favor of or against the death penalty ignored any facts that contradicted their view, and even doubled-down on their initial opinion.
Jarrett writes that humans often see facts that contradict their views as "undermining our sense of identity." Humans also tend to be overconfident about how well we understand things, and if we believe our opinion is better than someone else's, we tend not to seek out additional information, Jarrett writes.
For many people, spending time with their own thoughts is so unappealing, they'd rather be electrocuted, one 2014 study found. In the study, researchers discovered that 67% of male participants and 25% of female participants preferred to receive electric shocks rather than spend 15 minutes in contemplation.
Another study found people derived more enjoyment from doing an activity alone rather than just thinking.
Most people tend to have an inflated view of their attributes and abilities, Jarrett writes, and research has found that the least-skilled are often the most likely to be overly confident.
This vanity seems to exhibit itself most strongly in cases of morality, Jarrett writes. Research has even found that prisoners still believe themselves to be more kind, trustworthy, and honest than the average person outside of prison. Other research has shown that people often enjoy giving to charities that share our initials out of "implicit egotism."
Not only are people overconfident about their morality, but they're prone to being morally hypocritical, Jarrett writes. One study found that participants rated the same selfish behavior as less fair when it was done by others than by themselves.
Similarly, other research has found that people tend to attribute others' bad behavior as character flaws while blaming our own bad behavior as being situationally influenced. More recent research has found people tend to view the same acts of rudeness more harshly when they're done by strangers rather than by ourselves or our friends.
"ocial media may be magnifying some of the worst aspects of human nature," Jarrett writes, thanks to the ease of achieving anonymity online as well as a phenomenon called the online disinhibition effect.
And when it comes to online trolling, anyone could do it given the right circumstances, a study published last year found. Researchers in the study discovered that if a person is in a bad mood and is exposed to trolling by other people online, the likelihood that the person exposed to the trolling would engage in trolling increased twofold. These situational factors were actually more predictive of trolling than individual traits.
People tend to choose leaders who show psychopathic traits, Jarrett writes. For example, one survey of financial leaders in New York found that respondents often scored highly on psychopathic traits but below average on emotional intelligence. Similarly, a meta-analysis published this summer found a modest yet significant link between leadership emergence and psychopathic traits.
Research has found that both men and women tend to be sexually attracted to people displaying what's referred to as the "dark triad" of traits—narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.
Another study found that a women's physical attraction to a man increased when his description included being self-interested, manipulative, or insensitive, compared with when those three traits were excluded from his description (Jarrett, "Research Digest," British Psychological Society, 10/12).
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returntothevoid, Hahem, Gonnerr and 3 others
Alpha male stereotype is kinda dated. The only people I've heard using the term have had social issues. That's a terrible set of commandments. Do you have friends you can talk to?
Alpha male stereotype is kinda dated. The only people I've heard using the term have had social issues. That's a terrible set of commandments. Do you have friends you can talk to?
I don't have friends. The only person I can talk to is a psychiatrist, but right now I don't have health insurance. Tomorrow I want to get insurance, and I will go to the psychiatrist to exchange a few sentences and get a prescription for paroxetine. I've been off my medication for six months now. I think the medication will help me.
with these positive "truths" about humanity, there is one big problem. https://www.ananddamani.com/blog/5-truths-that-will-change-your-view-of-humanity/
They omit very important scientific discoveries concerning small children, and these are cruel, so human nature is cruel, and all human kindness comes from culture, law, business not the other way around.
I am so sorry that you have such a cruel, abusive mother and that you are trying to put up with this abusive behaviour - nor surprised that you have ended up on this forum. Abusive parent are destructive forces - I left home as an underage teenager and loved on the streets of London initially and somehow made a life for myself which was much safer than the family I left behind. Is there a social security system where you reside - who can help you leave?
Alpha male - I am sorry to say this but thankfully most people do not actually like these so called alpha males. I have a son and daughter in their mid to late teens now and they are both sensitive and caring individuals and I am extremely proud of both of them. A parent's role is to love (without boundaries) their children, keep them safe and loved, bring them up to be independent so that when they become young adults they feel free to explore the world in their own right without fear and also to explore the sorld when they are you get and know that their parents will look after them if something goes wrong. At least this is how I have tried to be a parent as I did not have a parent to watch and learn from. Yours is just abusive - heartbreaking (both of mine were) and it is hopefully time for you to leave them and lead a life of your choosing..,
I wish you all the best and happy to chat. Just please look after yourself and take care.
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sanction, ropearoundatree, LeperGnome and 2 others
Last night my mother said that I am not a man and I am worthless because I am not an alpha male.
Since yesterday, it has been constantly sitting in my head and I have suicidal thoughts because of it.
I am 32 y old and wise enough that my consciousness is not impressed by this, but my subconscious is speaking up and wants self-destruction. It makes me wonder what one must have in one's head to utter such words as my mother did.
This is not new in this family, they have long beaten me like a dog, my psyche hangs in the balance.
I hear you. I grew up hearing the w word nearly daily along with many other insults from the same sources, mostly the "mother" who was supposed tp have cared for. I'm a half-decade older than you are. Her cruelty messed up terribly.
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dangero, Kit1, WAITING TO DIE and 1 other person
Make sure you don't let any of those words negatively affect you. Since longggg ago I already completely stopped giving a fuck of my parent's opinion. Even if they said the absolute worst words to me that is humanly possible, it will still only affect me at most 10%. And I instead direct 90% of the energy and frustration back towards them, and focus on how I'm instead in such bad luck to have to be related to them, since they're such shitty people
Because it is definitely not our responsibility to also have to take on this torture task of caring about their opinions. Simply because... by default we already need to non-stop eat, shower, shit, pay bills, commute, get sick, stay safe, not be homeless, deal with endless problems, stress about CTB...... and the list goes on and on....... and all this bullshit even started because of them in the first place, because they thought having kids was a good idea
So logically, they should instead be super thankful and satisfied with all this default effort we're already forced to naturally non-stop endure. They should instead feel bad for making us clean up after their fucking mess, because of their poor decisions from decades ago
So if instead of showing appreciation, they now want to further add even just 0.01% of negative opinion........... all I can say is...... definitely don't fall for that bullshit. They fucked up soooo bad they're now completely lost and confused inside their own little game and nightmare, and instead trying to blame us, to avoid facing their own shitty truth
They should instead send us a THANK YOU CARD. We're already enduring wayyyy more than enough for them since day one, whether they realize it or not. Just because they're blind, we're not going to follow it (blind leading the blind). I'm fucking unsubscribing from this BULLSHIT game of their's. I'M OUT. PRESS THE UNSUBSCRIBE BUTTON. Their opinion is no longer valid. Fuck them
Unless they're paying all my bills for the next few decades. their opinions can be flushed down the toilet
Last night my mother said that I am not a man and I am worthless because I am not an alpha male.
Since yesterday, it has been constantly sitting in my head and I have suicidal thoughts because of it.
I am 32 y old and wise enough that my consciousness is not impressed by this, but my subconscious is speaking up and wants self-destruction. It makes me wonder what one must have in one's head to utter such words as my mother did.
This is not new in this family, they have long beaten me like a dog, my psyche hangs in the balance.
Your mother does not sound like a decent mother, much less an ideal ("alpha"), mother. Actually, a woman who would say that of her child sounds like she is a failure at being a mother.
Some people you just cannot have a relationship with.
Thats just such a shitty thing to say to their own kid. If for any reason they feel like their own child failed, they also need to look in the mirror. If they want an alpha child.... well, first of all, are they themselves an ALPHA PARENT!??
If a president of a country fails, it is mainly his/ her responsibility. Can't blame the citizens for not being an alpha-citizen
If a company fails, the owner failed at management. Can't blame the employees for not being an alpha-employee
If a ship sunk, the captain can't blame the passengers for not being an alpha-passenger
They just want free lunch. They want to bring a kid into this world to entertain them, while wanting the child to fully feed and survive themselves, and all they get on their end is free companionship with the least amount of hassle
Just like if I go get a dog. The perfect scenario would be it being an ALPHA DOG. It knows how to fully feed itself, clean up after it's own waste, bring itself to the vet, go for walks by itself, and all I get is a completely hassle free companion. It doesn't make sense and sounds selfish
If anything, all I can say is its an ICED COLD WORLD out there. So whatever the case, or how painful, try your best to figure out your own survival asap, so their opinion no longer matters once you don't need to rely on them. It sucks. But you're not alone
Last night my mother said that I am not a man and I am worthless because I am not an alpha male.
Since yesterday, it has been constantly sitting in my head and I have suicidal thoughts because of it.
I am 32 y old and wise enough that my consciousness is not impressed by this, but my subconscious is speaking up and wants self-destruction. It makes me wonder what one must have in one's head to utter such words as my mother did.
This is not new in this family, they have long beaten me like a dog, my psyche hangs in the balance.
There is no way you're suicidal because of words thrown at you! Psychologically it's impossible you're suicidal because you have way bigger issues such as mental illness or you're not happy in life but don't accuse your mom to be the reason..
There is no way you're suicidal because of words thrown at you! Psychologically it's impossible you're suicidal because you have way bigger issues such as mental illness or you're not happy in life but don't accuse your mom to be the reason..
You misunderstood me. I here did not mean to write a book. You are insinuating what I meant. Human speech is not perfect. In order to contain the whole truth in one sentence I would have to use a huge number of words, besides it takes a great deal of time and analysis.
This is not the place to argue but to support. Therapy is very helpful when someone insinuates too much. Therapy can be instrumental in fostering healthier communication and improving relationships.
The insinuation is "attributing or suggesting certain actions, thoughts, or intentions to someone that are not in line with the truth."
Don't ever see them again , if its possible and you can live on your own.
Or do like me , some people in my family , i just blocked their phone number and that's it. Some of them i only see them 1 time a year.
I prefer my friend because you can choose them and its better because family, you cannot choose them and they can be toxic but can definitely block them from your life.
You have the right to do that to protect yourself.
I have no money, I think I'll just go to the street and probably commit suicide, although I don't know how I'll react, maybe it will motivate me somehow, but... I have no self-confidence, I'm shy and I'm panically afraid of people.
On the other hand, vulnerable people are dehumanized by everyone without exception, so I shouldn't even seek help because everyone silently wishes me dead anyway. People who are mildly depressed because, for example, they lose their libido and were previously alpha males are adored.
As humans we are simply chimpanzees, I should learn these 10 commandments by heart. It's a world in which only people who have previously done well can admit to weakness. Very strong natural selection is at work everywhere, even here. https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2018/10/31/people-are-terrible
Never admit weakness unless you have been strong and you only have a temporary weakness e.g. after medication. Such weakness is forgiven because genetically you are not weak.
Research has shown humans often see people of certain minority groups as being less than human, Jarrett writes. One brain scan study found that participants showed less neural activity "associated with thinking about people" when they looked at pictures of homeless individuals or drug misusers compared with people of a "higher status."
Similarly, another study found that people who are either opposed to Arab immigration or in favor of tougher counter-terrorism policy against Muslim extremists tend to view Arabs and Muslims as less evolved. Other research has found that young people tend to dehumanize older people, and that men and women both tend to dehumanize drunk women.
The pattern of dehumanization starts early too, Jarrett writes. He cites one study that found children as young as five years old viewed faces of people who live in another city or are another gender as less human than the faces of those within their own group.
There's also "dispiriting" evidence that humans experience schadenfreude—deriving pleasure from another person's suffering—as early as age four, Jarrett writes. Another, more recent study found that children at six years old would rather pay money to watch an antisocial puppet get hit than use the money to buy stickers.
We tend to believe that the world is just, Jarrett writes. He cites a study, similar to now-famous research known as the Milgram study, in which a female was punished with electric shocks whenever she answered a question incorrectly. The researchers found that female participants were more likely to rate the female learner as less likable and admirable when they were told they'd see her be shocked again, especially if they felt they couldn't minimize the woman's suffering.
Other research has shown people tend to blame the poor, rape victims, AIDS patients, and others for their fate.
People are often dogmatic and hold strong to their beliefs, even when presented with evidence that contradicts them, Jarrett writes. One study published in 1967 found that participants who were strongly in favor of or against the death penalty ignored any facts that contradicted their view, and even doubled-down on their initial opinion.
Jarrett writes that humans often see facts that contradict their views as "undermining our sense of identity." Humans also tend to be overconfident about how well we understand things, and if we believe our opinion is better than someone else's, we tend not to seek out additional information, Jarrett writes.
For many people, spending time with their own thoughts is so unappealing, they'd rather be electrocuted, one 2014 study found. In the study, researchers discovered that 67% of male participants and 25% of female participants preferred to receive electric shocks rather than spend 15 minutes in contemplation.
Another study found people derived more enjoyment from doing an activity alone rather than just thinking.
Most people tend to have an inflated view of their attributes and abilities, Jarrett writes, and research has found that the least-skilled are often the most likely to be overly confident.
This vanity seems to exhibit itself most strongly in cases of morality, Jarrett writes. Research has even found that prisoners still believe themselves to be more kind, trustworthy, and honest than the average person outside of prison. Other research has shown that people often enjoy giving to charities that share our initials out of "implicit egotism."
Not only are people overconfident about their morality, but they're prone to being morally hypocritical, Jarrett writes. One study found that participants rated the same selfish behavior as less fair when it was done by others than by themselves.
Similarly, other research has found that people tend to attribute others' bad behavior as character flaws while blaming our own bad behavior as being situationally influenced. More recent research has found people tend to view the same acts of rudeness more harshly when they're done by strangers rather than by ourselves or our friends.
"ocial media may be magnifying some of the worst aspects of human nature," Jarrett writes, thanks to the ease of achieving anonymity online as well as a phenomenon called the online disinhibition effect.
And when it comes to online trolling, anyone could do it given the right circumstances, a study published last year found. Researchers in the study discovered that if a person is in a bad mood and is exposed to trolling by other people online, the likelihood that the person exposed to the trolling would engage in trolling increased twofold. These situational factors were actually more predictive of trolling than individual traits.
People tend to choose leaders who show psychopathic traits, Jarrett writes. For example, one survey of financial leaders in New York found that respondents often scored highly on psychopathic traits but below average on emotional intelligence. Similarly, a meta-analysis published this summer found a modest yet significant link between leadership emergence and psychopathic traits.
Research has found that both men and women tend to be sexually attracted to people displaying what's referred to as the "dark triad" of traits—narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.
Another study found that a women's physical attraction to a man increased when his description included being self-interested, manipulative, or insensitive, compared with when those three traits were excluded from his description (Jarrett, "Research Digest," British Psychological Society, 10/12).
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