Last decision to make before I CTB... suicide note

[s3gfault]

Obviously I know I'm the one who ultimately has to make this decision but I'm looking for some advice. I have a physical condition which has basically reduced me to a couch potato. I'm unable to work, travel, socialize, or do much of anything. All I can do is sit at home (my parent's) and go to doctors appt after doctors appt, trying to fix me but none of them can (this has been going on for years, I've been to triple digit appts and we've spent thousands of dollars with no improvement whatsoever). I no longer believe I can be helped and see no reason to continue life like this (my 91 year old grandma has more mobility and independence than me).

Here is my problem. I want my friends and family to know that there is nothing they could have done differently to help me, and make sure that they feel no guilt. I have a letter typed up that basically explains what I've been going through and the reason for my decision. However I keep going back and forth between either:

a. Leaving it printed by my side to be discovered upon finding my body or

b. Distributing via Facebook by using the "Friends except" option to send it only to my close friends and family (I would just set it up then use an autoclicker to post it some hours after my death.

I know there is a stigma attached to suicide and I don't know which of these methods would make it easier on my family and friends. The first option allows for my immediate family to decide what information they want to distribute but may have others questioning what really happened when I want them to know my parents were amazing and did everything they could for me. The second option allows the full story to get out there to everyone I want, but will probably let the story spread further than intended (even if I request that it doesn't) and may put my parents / family in the spotlight and make it harder for them to deal with it.

Any advice on this? I have everything else ready to go and this is the last thing weighing on mind.

 

[all_pointless]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[0point7]

Obviously I know I'm the one who ultimately has to make this decision but I'm looking for some advice. I have a physical condition which has basically reduced me to a couch potato. I'm unable to work, travel, socialize, or do much of anything. All I can do is sit at home (my parent's) and go to doctors appt after doctors appt, trying to fix me but none of them can (this has been going on for years, I've been to triple digit appts and we've spent thousands of dollars with no improvement whatsoever). I no longer believe I can be helped and see no reason to continue life like this (my 91 year old grandma has more mobility and independence than me).

Here is my problem. I want my friends and family to know that there is nothing they could have done differently to help me, and make sure that they feel no guilt. I have a letter typed up that basically explains what I've been going through and the reason for my decision. However I keep going back and forth between either:

a. Leaving it printed by my side to be discovered upon finding my body or

b. Distributing via Facebook by using the "Friends except" option to send it only to my close friends and family (I would just set it up then use an autoclicker to post it some hours after my death.

I know there is a stigma attached to suicide and I don't know which of these methods would make it easier on my family and friends. The first option allows for my immediate family to decide what information they want to distribute but may have others questioning what really happened when I want them to know my parents were amazing and did everything they could for me. The second option allows the full story to get out there to everyone I want, but will probably let the story spread further than intended (even if I request that it doesn't) and may put my parents / family in the spotlight and make it harder for them to deal with it.

Any advice on this? I have everything else ready to go and this is the last thing weighing on mind.

I would suggest that you include your dilemma into either option, that way they can get a better understanding of how much it matters to you- especially in such a moment that it is part of your last living action - then, those who are 'in-the-know' truly comprehend the gravity of your request(s) and go that much further in their endeavors to accommodate a great respect in abiding them...

Aside from that, I cant grasp the severity and magnitude of your circumstances- having that been said, I know that you MUST have a mental strength that far exceeds those billions of people- including myself quite likely- who take for granted the things that misfortune has befallen you with. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way- it is absolutely not my intention: what you most certainly have in mental strength is a far more desirable thing to have than the physical strength of all those billions of people combined- including myself. We cant fathom what it must take for you, and imho, that's not something to consider as weak, or burdensome to others (namely your loved ones), or fill-in-the-blank-with-negative-connotation-here:________
I'm not implying that its some sort of seemingly tragic trade-off or hideously unfair compromise to have one over the other- but, rest assured, the VAST majority of the population who remain unaffected by circumstances as yours (and similar others)- would likely fold under significantly less intense pressures from many given situations that life's infinite well-of-woe' so generously hands out to any one person at any particular moment in time- and many of those in that group won't even be mentally acute enough to know of what to do with such if they could 'have' it (a strength like yours).... look, I cant tell you 'I get it' because I don't- I can attempt to empathize to the best of my abilities and would still come up remarkably shy of understanding; but I can tell you that I understand the sensation that comes from being stronger (mentally) than you ever would have wished to be- strength is EXTREMELY HARD-EARNED, its rarely, if ever, something that doesn't require 'war stripes, worn battle scars, or a 'cutting of teeth on' and there are far too many in this world who simply don't have what it takes to endure a 'offering' from life like yours- which is why they didn't get it- though I may not like to think of myself as included among those as well- I would struggle to a degree I've never had to become acquainted with- OF THAT, I HAVE NO DOUBT.... whatsoever you decide, just know that there are some- few though they may be- who find your resilience ADMIRABLE.... warm regards my friend, may the peace you seek and deserve be appropriated to you- in whichever form it takes.... respectfully,
-- 0.7

 

[s3gfault]

I would suggest that you include your dilemma into either option, that way they can get a better understanding of how much it matters to you- especially in such a moment that it is part of your last living action - then, those who are 'in-the-know' truly comprehend the gravity of your request(s) and go that much further in their endeavors to accommodate a great respect in abiding them...

Aside from that, I cant grasp the severity and magnitude of your circumstances- having that been said, I know that you MUST have a mental strength that far exceeds those billions of people- including myself quite likely- who take for granted the things that misfortune has befallen you with. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way- it is absolutely not my intention: what you most certainly have in mental strength is a far more desirable thing to have than the physical strength of all those billions of people combined- including myself. We cant fathom what it must take for you, and imho, that's not something to consider as weak, or burdensome to others (namely your loved ones), or fill-in-the-blank-with-negative-connotation-here:________
I'm not implying that its some sort of seemingly tragic trade-off or hideously unfair compromise to have one over the other- but, rest assured, the VAST majority of the population who remain unaffected by circumstances as yours (and similar others)- would likely fold under significantly less intense pressures from many given situations that life's infinite well-of-woe' so generously hands out to any one person at any particular moment in time- and many of those in that group won't even be mentally acute enough to know of what to do with such if they could 'have' it (a strength like yours).... look, I cant tell you 'I get it' because I don't- I can attempt to empathize to the best of my abilities and would still come up remarkably shy of understanding; but I can tell you that I understand the sensation that comes from being stronger (mentally) than you ever would have wished to be- strength is EXTREMELY HARD-EARNED, its rarely, if ever, something that doesn't require 'war stripes, worn battle scars, or a 'cutting of teeth on' and there are far too many in this world who simply don't have what it takes to endure a 'offering' from life like yours- which is why they didn't get it- though I may not like to think of myself as included among those as well- I would struggle to a degree I've never had to become acquainted with- OF THAT, I HAVE NO DOUBT.... whatsoever you decide, just know that there are some- few though they may be- who find your resilience ADMIRABLE.... warm regards my friend, may the peace you seek and deserve be appropriated to you- in whichever form it takes.... respectfully,
-- 0.7

Well thank you for that but I don't really see myself that way. The thing that has really been keeping me going is my parents' unending support of me. My mother has done so much work into researching new places for me to go and they both have supported every new endeavor financially since I obviously can't afford it not being able to work. I really don't want to go through with it because I know how much it will hurt them (this is the other reason I haven't yet). I know they will never give up, but I can't deal with the constant pain and mental/ physical imprisonment any more. Sometimes I wish they didn't give a shit about me as it would have made the decision a lot easier and I could go without guilt.

 

[AnniesHideaway]

I think if you want to ensure your friends get the information, you would be better to set it up so it is sent via Facebook. I am planning on doing something similar via Gmail for sending scheduled emails at a later time. Leaving a note you are hoping gets distributed leaves too many unknown variables and probably a reasonable possibility your friends will never see it.

 

[s3gfault]

I think if you want to ensure your friends get the information, you would be better to set it up so it is sent via Facebook. I am planning on doing something similar via Gmail for sending scheduled emails at a later time. Leaving a note you are hoping gets distributed leaves too many unknown variables and probably a reasonable possibility your friends will never see it.

Thanks, I'm going with your advice. I've revised it slightly and decided exactly who will be receiving it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My opinion is that your parents are going to be in the spotlight anyway, at least you have some power in what it focuses on -- their goodness and their lack of culpability in your choice, as well as your own rational ability and self-determination to pursue your choice.

 

[s3gfault]

My opinion is that your parents are going to be in the spotlight anyway, at least you have some power in what it focuses on -- their goodness and their lack of culpability in your choice, as well as your own rational ability and self-determination to pursue your choice.

This is a great point, thank you.

 

[KUA]

Do you mind if I ask what physical condition you have?

 

[s3gfault]

Do you mind if I ask what physical condition you have?

Intractable daily tension / migraine / ice-pick headaches. Any sort of mental activity or concentration during the day (this includes driving, programming --- which used to be my job and hobby --- socializing, etc.) makes the symptoms worse until they become unbearable, and only become better after sleep (which I can only get by tranqing myself with benzos when the symptoms get too bad). I've been to specialist after specialist, hundreds of appointments, thousands of dollars spent and I'm worse now than I was last year. I'd give both of my legs for a cure but I'm almost completely confident there isn't one and I can't deal with the pain any more.