RosebyAnyName
Staring at the ceiling for 6 hours
- Nov 9, 2023
- 222
My desire to CTB has been intense and persistent throughout my entire life, but I've also struggled to understand and verbalize why. So, I thought I'd try to explain my desire to CTB as briefly but thoroughly as possible:
Lack of money and independence. I'm 25 and I hate living with my parents, but I could never afford to move out.
I genuinely struggle to explain why (I feel like I'm forgetting a lot), all I know is that anytime my parents are nearby I get really bad anxiety and depression. Any time I've lived away from them (such as for temp placements or if they're away), or when I had actual hope that I could move away from them in the future, I felt much better and didn't want to CTB. The prospect of independence and living away from them was the ONLY thing that made me not want to CTB.
But I've slowly been coming to accept that I will never be able to afford to move away from them. I can't afford real estate (even with my current full-time job, which I'm slowly failing at anyways due to burnout and being undiagnosed my whole life finally taking its toll). Living the rest of my life in rental units is essentially a slow death sentence in my country because rental prices are only going up and will eventually become unaffordable.
I can't find someone (spouse, roommate, etc.) to help with the costs because I am emotionally incapable of trusting anyone. Being at the mercy of / dependent on anyone for any reason (including financially) gives me really crippling anxiety. The only people I have a "relationship" with are my parents, but seeing how they act in a "relationship" has made the prospects of a relationship with anyone seem as unappealing as possible. It's a classic case of attachment issues.
I've done so much to try and not think about this, to ignore it, to delude myself into thinking I could finally escape one day, but after learning more about the real estate market in my area and how it relates to my current financial situation, I feel like the final straw is about to be pulled very soon and I might start actually planning if my situation doesn't change.
Lack of money and independence. I'm 25 and I hate living with my parents, but I could never afford to move out.
I genuinely struggle to explain why (I feel like I'm forgetting a lot), all I know is that anytime my parents are nearby I get really bad anxiety and depression. Any time I've lived away from them (such as for temp placements or if they're away), or when I had actual hope that I could move away from them in the future, I felt much better and didn't want to CTB. The prospect of independence and living away from them was the ONLY thing that made me not want to CTB.
But I've slowly been coming to accept that I will never be able to afford to move away from them. I can't afford real estate (even with my current full-time job, which I'm slowly failing at anyways due to burnout and being undiagnosed my whole life finally taking its toll). Living the rest of my life in rental units is essentially a slow death sentence in my country because rental prices are only going up and will eventually become unaffordable.
I can't find someone (spouse, roommate, etc.) to help with the costs because I am emotionally incapable of trusting anyone. Being at the mercy of / dependent on anyone for any reason (including financially) gives me really crippling anxiety. The only people I have a "relationship" with are my parents, but seeing how they act in a "relationship" has made the prospects of a relationship with anyone seem as unappealing as possible. It's a classic case of attachment issues.
I've done so much to try and not think about this, to ignore it, to delude myself into thinking I could finally escape one day, but after learning more about the real estate market in my area and how it relates to my current financial situation, I feel like the final straw is about to be pulled very soon and I might start actually planning if my situation doesn't change.
