Knowing you're a terrible person that everyone hates you is one step closer to leaving in peace

[Mixo]

I'm pretty convinced I'm a garbage person. I think it's a byproduct of being abused and manipulated by others - family, loved ones. They've shown me so long that I'm problematic that I sincerely believe the world will be better off without me here. I know I'm garbage and I intend on remedying everyone of that garbage soon. As odd as it is, it gives me a deeper sense of peace knowing that what I'm doing is for the greater good of the people in my life.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I can relate. Im terrible too, the absolute worst. All I do is hurt everyone.... they'd all be better off without me. It'll make it easier to go for sure.

 

[bov]

I'm not sure it works that way

 

[Mixo]

I'm not sure it works that way

I guess everyone is different. For me, I don't have a great relationship with family and they kind of show me in their own ways that they don't want me in their life. Same goes for others, too. I think if you're not able to be self-sufficient then it's okay to take that final step so that you're no longer going to be an unwanted presence ever again.

 

[Meditation guide]

As odd as it is, it gives me a deeper sense of peace knowing that what I'm doing is for the greater good of the people in my life.

You're looking at it all wrong. Why not prove to yourself and them they are wrong? After all they have no right to decide what you are, that's up to you.

You're giving too much importance to what other people think. People are stupid. What they think matters not one bit.

Realize that people put you down to try to feel better about themselves. They look down on others to try to feel superior.
It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how fucked up they are.

 

[Mixo]

You're looking at it all wrong. Why not prove to yourself and them they are wrong? After all they have no right to decide what you are, that's up to you.

That's very kind of you to say. I know this is going to sound like a cop-out but because of my health issues (which I prefer not to get into just yet) I know that I'm not able to change. Being this ill it is just impossible to maintain good will when I am dragging myself around everyday and getting worse over time. Some people might think I didn't try hard enough to change and become a better person and I guess I'm okay with that assessment if it happens.

I'm really at peace now with leaving, even if I do get emotional sometimes that I am deemed problematic after I'm dead. It's probably accurate and I accept those terms. Thanks for your kind reply again..

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I'm pretty convinced I'm a garbage person. I think it's a byproduct of being abused and manipulated by others - family, loved ones. They've shown me so long that I'm problematic that I sincerely believe the world will be better off without me here. I know I'm garbage and I intend on remedying everyone of that garbage soon. As odd as it is, it gives me a deeper sense of peace knowing that what I'm doing is for the greater good of the people in my life.

If you feel that your thoughts of being a "garbage" person is due to mistreatment from those around you then you are not the one who is "trash". Likewise if you are unwanted by others that does not always mean that you are a bad human being; they may dislike you for an invalid or petty reason - like a playground bully. It might be on them and not you.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm really at peace now with leaving, even if I do get emotional sometimes that I am deemed problematic after I'm dead. It's probably accurate and I accept those terms. Thanks for your kind reply again..

I understand about the health problems, I have terrible ones too.

 

[Mixo]

If you feel that your thoughts of being a "garbage" person is due to mistreatment from those around you then you are not the one who is "trash". Likewise if you are unwanted by others that does not always mean that you are a bad human being; they may dislike you for an invalid or petty reason - like a playground bully. It might be on them and not you.

A lot of it is me, I think. My parents and family definitely did a number on me - that early abuse probably is what set the stage for me to be so awful to others as I got older. That's not to say I shouldn't have tried to overcome it and for many years I did.. But the way they deal with me now that I'm an invalid is probably what's really solidifying it for me that I'm garbage. It's hard to explain. In any case, I have some other reasons for leaving the world that are way more painful and rational. Thanks for the advice though, maybe I can find some forgiveness in myself before I go soon.