Knowing when enough is enough

[Water-Lily]

I think of how, when it comes to chronic illness, there is a greater acceptance of death as opposed to mental illness. Let's say a person is undergoing some form of treatment. That can involve taking certain medications, or maybe trying to engage in physical activity. Something that is supposed to "cure" them, or at the very least give them a few extra years of life. But at a certain point they might decide "enough is enough. I do not want to do this. I have been in pain for so long. Treatment helps, but I think I would rather be dead from this pain". The same mentality should be allowed for mental health. At a certain point in recovery, a person might decide that in spite of better coping mechanisms, that maybe enough is enough. Maybe they don't want to keep trying. Maybe they don't want to keep going. They just want to die in peace from the mental pain. The issue is that any people are suffering and appear high functioning, so they don't always "look" like they are suffering. But so many people are.

Speaking for myself, I want that choice. I do feel I could commit suicide one day. A part of me sort of wants to try and look at what recovery appears to be. But a part of me also wants to die/hold onto suicide. At some point in my recovery, I hope I can come to a place of feeling confident. Confident in either wanting to live the best life I can within the limitations of my pain, or deciding that death is the best option. I hope I can come to a place where I know what I want and can say "I am ready. I want to live in the best way I can/die and not hold onto this pain"

Right now, I sort of wish I could look death in the face and say "I am ready for you. Take me away"

 

[suicidesheep31]

This text is just beautiful and I find myself in it. Thanks for writing it. Hugs

 

[Water-Lily]

This text is just beautiful and I find myself in it. Thanks for writing it. Hugs

I am glad you were able to take something away from it. I think I might read this post to my therapist

 

[suicidesheep31]

Yes. It is a good idea. At least he/she will know what you think deeply. Enough is sometimes just enough. Not sure it is a good sentence from the perspective of pro lifer but I feel the same as you.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yes. It is a good idea. At least he/she will know what you think deeply. Enough is sometimes just enough. Not sure it is a good sentence from the perspective of pro lifer but I feel the same as you.

My therapist has been very accepting of my suicidal ideation. She knows I think about suicide daily and goes on SS from time to time. I feel she gets me and really cares. I would hope she would be open to hearing my words on this topic of recovery/how I perceive recovery.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, just because mental illness is invisible to others doesn't mean it isn't real. It can really take over our lives and be exhausting. Sometimes there is only so much one person can take, I think we all have a limit.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yes, just because mental illness is invisible to others doesn't mean it isn't real. It can really take over our lives and be exhausting. Sometimes there is only so much one person can take, I think we all have a limit.

Indeed. Especially in cases of severe trauma or abuse, many victims are left with pain so deep that suicide can feel like a valid option. Sometimes, it may be. Recovery, I feel, is coming to a place where one can confidently decide what is right for them. From a rational standpoint, they can choose to live their lives the best they can with what they know/learn in healing. Or that death would be the best way to alleviate their pain. Everyone should have the choice and it will force us to look at how life for many people is just shitty. And how society has been created to further abuse victims and give pats on the backs to abusers, further creating a darker and more depressing society

 

[BlankUser]

Mental illness is misunderstood because it's 'invisible'. And there's lack of awareness about it. People are not educated about it. We have plenty of awareness of a cancer for example, but when it comes to a mental illness, the best we get is some sad picture of a lonely person and a number for suicide hotline (which by the way didn't even answer when I called).
I think since we don't choose to be born, we should have a right to die. No one else can decide whether we suffer enough or not. It's just us.

 

[Water-Lily]

Mental illness is misunderstood because it's 'invisible'. And there's lack of awareness about it. People are not educated about it. We have plenty of awareness of a cancer for example, but when it comes to a mental illness, the best we get is some sad picture of a lonely person and a number for suicide hotline (which by the way didn't even answer when I called).
I think since we don't choose to be born, we should have a right to die. No one else can decide whether we suffer enough or not. It's just us.

Also I feel the way mental illness is portrayed is very on the surface. Just a sad person crying or feeling "blue". But mental illness is not so simple. There are the countless relapses, self harming (physical and mental), flashbacks, numbness, trapped cycles, constant rumination, etc. Portraying that is important because I feel many people, feel that way. We act high functioning to get by in person but the minute we're in private everything comes out. We might shut down and hold it all in, or lash out at ourselves and others. It's an aspect I feel people don't want to accept or want to understand. It's "scary" and we look "crazy". But if we don't give a space to show it, how will we truly recover?

 

[BlankUser]

Also I feel the way mental illness is portrayed is very on the surface. Just a sad person crying or feeling "blue". But mental illness is not so simple. There are the countless relapses, self harming (physical and mental), flashbacks, numbness, trapped cycles, constant rumination, etc. Portraying that is important because I feel many people, feel that way. We act high functioning to get by in person but the minute we're in private everything comes out. We might shut down and hold it all in, or lash out at ourselves and others. It's an aspect I feel people don't want to accept or want to understand. It's "scary" and we look "crazy". But if we don't give a space to show it, how will we truly recover?

Yes, there's definitely a lack of portraying what it's like to suffer from mental illness. People with mental illness usually suffer in silence and in private. You can't talk about it with a regular person because you'll be dismissed as "crazy". They will tell you that you're overreacting. If people were more educated about mental health, we wouldn't feel as outcasts so much.
For example none of my relatives knows what OCD is, they've never heard about it. And when I tried to explain it to them, they dismissed my suffering: "There's no such an illness, it's your excuse for being lazy, snap out of it". You've no idea how much that hurt.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yes, there's definitely a lack of portraying what it's like to suffer from mental illness. People with mental illness usually suffer in silence and in private. You can't talk about it with a regular person because you'll be dismissed as "crazy". They will tell you that you're overreacting. If people were more educated about mental health, we wouldn't feel as outcasts so much.
For example none of my relatives knows what OCD is, they've never heard about it. And when I tried to explain it to them, they dismissed my suffering: "There's no such an illness, it's your excuse for being lazy, snap out of it". You've no idea how much that hurt.

My family has been invalidating at times too. However i know they didn't mean it to hurt me. They just genuinely don't get it. My family comes from the Caribbean and mental illness is not a concept. Prayer is the answer for suffering. So i get it from that perspective

Yeah i fear for the future. There is also this romanticization of suicide and mental illness that only invalidate the suffering. And it's no wonder why suicide is on the rise. I am very fearful for the future, especially for youth and women. If something doesn't change it could mean great pain for humanity.

 

[BlankUser]

Yeah i fear for the future. There is also this romanticization of suicide and mental illness that only invalidate the suffering.

I also fear for the future. I just don't want something very bad and traumatic to happen again. But in life, you can always expect the unexpected.
Though I think in the future euthanasia will be available for more people. And I also think that people will face even more mental health problems than these days. I think we're not meant to live at such a pace that we live now.

 

[Water-Lily]

I also fear for the future. I just don't want something very bad and traumatic to happen again. But in life, you can always expect the unexpected.
Though I think in the future euthanasia will be available for more people. And I also think that people will face even more mental health problems than these days. I think we're not meant to live at such a pace that we live now.

I agree with the last part about living life at such a pace. I also think that euthanasia will be explored more. But for now, if we want to die, we won't get medically assisted euthanasia. We have to use painful suicide methods and that is not fair.