kind of a vent. psychiatrist appointment

[cgrtt.brns]

i have an appointment soon to see if i have adhd (i doubt i do but theres a lot of symptoms i have and just thought itd be better to check) and im not sure if i should mention about my suicidal thoughts getting worse. for a while ive told ppl i dont have suicidal thoughts anymore just thoughts of wishing i never existed, which was partly true, but its gotten back to the point where i contemplate suicide every day. its a psychiatrist so i know they will react cold, i doubt they would send me to a ward bc no one ever seems to think im that bad, they might just give me more pills to take. i just dont have anyone to tell that could give me actual help. i know if i just had things to do like a job or hobbies i would be able to cope better, but i cant get to that point by myself for some reason. im scared of how they will react and what they will do. realistically they most likely wont do anything, just say that its not good for me to think about suicide and mention that the purpose of the session was to talk about adhd not suicidality and end the session. im scared of getting the wrong help or being shut down, but i want to tell someone for some reason. i have a tiny sliver of hope that if i just get a job ill be able to build a life where i could be happy. but i doubt that will ever happen even if i do ask for help, bc ive been asking for years and still not got anywhere. idk if telling them will just make my situation worse. or if it will actually help. ig ill just see how i feel in the moment. i probably wont tell them bc i normally dont. i just want something to change, whether its me that needs to change or smthn else. something just needs to change.

 

[Doombox]

Maybe you could say that one of your symptoms is suicidal ideation. I once knew someone who didn't want to cbt but often in the mornings she would be overcome with suicidal ideation, as she called it. Whoever you are talking to will ask you questions to determine if you are an immediate danger to yourself, like if you've made plans and gathered what you need in order to cbt because there's a difference between having suicidal thoughts and actually starting to put a plan into action. You could also maybe mention that your hope is to get a job, build a life, and be happy. I know how hard all this is and I hope you get a better outcome than you fear.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

update
had the appointment today, actually got diagnosed with adhd to my surprise lol. didnt end up mentioning anything about si or sh getting worse, kind of decided it would just make things worse for me especially if my parents found out, i got worried that my psychiatrist would tell them. i feel very lost atm.

 

[kråkevind]

I didn't think drs could tell anybody about anything when it comes to their patients unless you fill out a form giving them permission. How did it go with the Dr? Did they listen to you and talk to you? It takes time building up rapport with a Dr. I'm pretty sure you would know right away that weren't a good choice early on.