Killing self tonight

[Amossoma543]

Not to sound disrespectful. I am also trying to address what is here. Everyone must chose what is right for them. But offering another point of view shouldn't hurt. At least i hope.

Agreed! I hope I don't sound dismissive! If so, my apologies. I value everyone's input. :-)

 

[BearNoMore]

I believe today may be my last day as well and am planning on also using partial suspension hanging.

Despite that, I encourage you to not make any quick decisions while in an emotional place. There are options for finding temporary housing, affordable/subsidized housing, or staying with friends/family if you have that available.

 

[19andready]

You seem to have exhausted most options. Maybe it's genetic. There are many treatments outside of psychiatry, though. Be that as it may, you're the only one who knows your situation really well and what to do, but I hope you at least will devote a few hours to think through your situation so that you're not doing something impulsive which can't be undone.

I appreciate the emphasis on how serious a decision this is. It is currently 5:44 P.M where I live and have another few hours before I planned to give it a shot. I just don't know how much more treatment can help me.

 

[Quarky00]

Re prison , homelessness is no picnic , there's violence , and no toilets .
Prison provides food heating meds .
And sometimes opportunities .

It depends where and what of course . I did not take the position that one is 'better' than the other , but called to pause and think about that , if you think prison is hell , homeless is not that far off , hell on earth. @one4all , @Amossoma543

Homelessness is really bad . There's no USB ports on the streets . lol

 

[19andready]

I believe today may be my last day as well and am planning on also using partial suspension hanging.

Despite that, I encourage you to not make any quick decisions while in an emotional place. There are options for finding temporary housing, affordable/subsidized housing, or staying with friends/family if you have that available.

My mother (divorced from dad) has assured me I won't end up on the streets. She doesn't seem to have an alternative, however, and my dad says otherwise.

As far as your ctb attempt goes, I wish you all the luck and love on the world. I appreciate the kind words :)

 

[one4all]

Agreed! I hope I don't sound dismissive! If so, my apologies. I value everyone's input. :-)

I did not take any offense against what you said. This is an open forum. That's why we are all here. To get another person's thought and point of view,

 

[Escape_Reality]

When I tried with a belt it was so uncomfortable on my neck..I was also worried I would do it incorrectly, fear of brain damage put me off this method.

 

[jgm63]

This thread may have some good info :

Spoiler: hanging-comfortably

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/hanging-comfortably.28034/

There is also this one :

Spoiler: how-to-hang-yourself-improved-information

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself-improved-information.24972/

Note : As always, please note that I strongly encourage you to seek help with whatever is troubling you. With the right help things can improve. There are many sources of help if you look and reach out. Please seek assistance in any and every way possible. You alone must decide upon your actions and take full responsibility for them, and you should always favour seeking help and keeping out of harm's way.

 

[Sensei]

I appreciate the emphasis on how serious a decision this is. It is currently 5:44 P.M where I live and have another few hours before I planned to give it a shot. I just don't know how much more treatment can help me.

I don't know your situation, but allow me to guess. Your father doesn't really understand what you're going through and he has said something along the lines, "Get yourself together and find a job!" What if you could make him understand the gravity of your situation and convince him that if he would let you go through treatment you could get better and eventually find a job? For instance, have they done any physical tests on you? Surprisingly often, depression has a physical explanation.

 

[Quarky00]

staying with friends/family if you have that available

That's what I did 10 years ago . It was my 4th mental breakdown , my 3rd homelessness situation , and my 1st serious ctb attempt . Had some reasonable years afterwards .

OP has their personal history , being treated , coping with drugs and alcohol and other distractions , though it's fine by them for decades . I guess in some situations it's not just about a roof over your head , or surviving the next day (though it is both of these things obv), but having some plan . Need to think

 

[one4all]

Re prison , homelessness is no picnic , there's violence , and no toilets .
Prison provides food heating meds .
And sometimes opportunities .

It depends where and what of course . I did not take the position that one is 'better' than the other , but called to pause and think about that , if you think prison is hell , homeless is not that far off , hell on earth. @one4all , @Amossoma543

Homelessness is really bad . There's no USB ports on the streets . lol

I agree with you totally. But prison is set for a certain term, given a few years/months for good behavior. Homelessness is not a set amount of years/months. While both have there risks.
As you mentioned prison offers free room, meals. Again it depends on the country and offense is to know what can actually happen.
Personally i have first hand knowledge of both prison life and being homeless. Both suck but the choice in my eyes would be homelessness to start with.

edited - We have not discussed what a psych ward i like. Those are no fun either. Could be also another thing to consider for the OP, if he fails.

 

[Quarky00]

We have not discussed what a psych ward i like. Those are no fun either. Could be also another thing to consider for the OP, if he fails.

Good point in general .
But we're not in "general land" .

OP enjoy drugs alcohol and video games to keep him alive , being treated by psychiatrist etc , psych ward doesn't sound good . (though an option)


I'd really love to address situation rather than throw solutions

* not addressed to one4all:)

 

[Apathy79]

So you are suicidal but in a situation which, were it to continue, you wouldn't ctb in the foreseeable future. The 2 fears that are combining to the decision to ctb tonight are homelessness in and of itself and the loss of capacity to ctb that comes with it, both of which are expected to be realised when you get kicked out, which is likely to be soon. The combination seems overwhelming right now and you have a way out.

In relation to losing capacity to ctb, while you might lose your optimal conditions, the option is not going to disappear. And given your current lack of preparation and the risks it presents to an attempt tonight, I really think those other options are looking almost as good right now anyway.

In relation to becoming homeless, I've been there before for brief periods and it's certainly no picnic. But like so often happens, the fear is worse than the reality. It's not going to be as bad as you expect, at least initially. And in your case there is a chance it won't last - your Mum might be right and your Dad, while he might be genuine now, may shift his stance once the reality sets in.

I'd be tempted in your position to roll with it. See if your Dad follows through and kicks you out, explore the best options available to you in that scenario and just see how you feel with the new reality. The option to ctb isn't going anywhere, even if your ideal method might, and there's every chance your Dad will change his tune when he sees the situation he's put you in, or other relatives step up, or who knows?

 

[one4all]

I'd really love to address situation rather than throw solutions

* not addressed to one4all:)

Beautifully said. If i read that in the right meaning.

 

[Amossoma543]

I agree with you totally. But prison is set for a certain term, given a few years/months for good behavior. Homelessness is not a set amount of years/months. While both have there risks.
As you mentioned prison offers free room, meals. Again it depends on the country and offense is to know what can actually happen.
Personally i have first hand knowledge of both prison life and being homeless. Both suck but the choice in my eyes would be homelessness to start with.

edited - We have not discussed what a psych ward i like. Those are no fun either. Could be also another thing to consider for the OP, if he fails.

I worked in a psych ward while in college for teaching. It sucks for adults. It's not as bad for children. I worked in a children's psych hospital in Pennsylvania for 5 years and it was hell for the kids. The treatment is shoddy, the doctors overworked, the case workers terribly over-burdened, and they were over-medicated and mistreated often. It's a shady business, these psychiatric facilities. And ours was one of the best in the industry, from what I read. They have so little inside protections to make sure workers are not over-worked, stressed, or even have the skills to work with these people. Rampant abuse often goes on in some facilities.

 

[19andready]

I don't know your situation, but allow me to guess. Your father doesn't really understand what you're going through and he has said something along the lines, "Get yourself together and find a job!" What if you could make him understand the gravity of your situation and convince him that if he would let you go through treatment you could get better and eventually find a job? For instance, have they done any physical tests on you? Surprisingly often, depression has a physical explanation.

Almost exactly what he says, word for word. He's been involved in my treatment but he's kinda stuck in that old school "pull up your bootstraps" mindset. My mother is much more sympathetic but is incapable of really understanding how I feel.

I'm down to the wire here. I'll keep you guys posted, I'm trying to cope with anything I can atm.

 

[Soul]

@19andready and @BearNoMore, I'm sorry to see you both at this point. Please be careful. I hope you find peace. x