Venting Kill me man.

[lunar02102009]

I dont know who is out there but like seriously you habe done enough i suffer each and every second , i have nothing. Nothing. You got want you wanted , you wanted me to suffer , cry , self harm hell even to try to kill myself? I already did please now i beg you stop if yiu cant stop the suffering at the very least kill me and torture me in hell with all the hit boiling oil , whips beat me how much you want in hell beat me until my spinal cord becomes a fucking spaghetti but please not this not this not this. Not this. Anything but this. Anything...but not this i know i havent been fully punished yet for sins i maybe did in my past lives but please not this torture anymore i have apologised to everyone who i may have caused pain and tried my very best to not commit any sins in the life but i guess if i did have a past life its catching up to me...but please torture me for eternity but not in this way please i know i deserve it but please please i beg you to kill me and then do whatever you want with me in hell just not the cruel existence anymore which torments me every moment no matter what i do this very body this very brain and personality its a torture being me because theres nothing special about me im bad looking , i always love people too much , i am short as fuck , no matter how hard i try to be good at anything i can never be..i can do many things but im not the best at any of them , people despise me they want me dead and i want myself dead too so please I FUCKING BEG YOU to torture me in a different way if you cant stop torturing me anything but this please i need death , i have fallen in love with death and cigarette because they are the only one i can always fall back to , they are someone who wont judge me they will ALWAYS be there for me and i swear ALL damn always. The only true love i have ever got and ever will get in my life is death and cigarettes but its too much now just kill me and torture me harder in hell but not this anymore not this cruel , suffering and degrading existance of being me..who never has and never will be loved , im just a mistake , a glitch , a problem for everyone , never someone who loves even though i pour my heart out to them so please just vanish me from this earth because once again i cannot be loved. I am unloveable. Which is the biggest torture to me.

 

[behindtheveil]

Hey, stop it. you have done your part now stop torturing urself. Yes someone cares...Yes. but please no more pain

 

[rs929]

I agree with the post above, you are torturing yourself. Don't know what to say as I'm going through similar shit.
It's interesting what you say "i am not the best at any of them", this is classical all or nothing kind of thought. Like... if you are not the best then you are awful?
One of your likes is from someone named "ABadPerson". Everyone thinks they're bad and ugly and a burden here. I suspect they're good and sensitive individuals and it's their mental illness speaking

 

[behindtheveil]

Yes we care. The problem is not us but life itself. It twists and squeezes every bit we got, even though it might be to get rid of our ego or for something else, god knows, but the pain is real. You cannot blame yourself; we did the best we could in that circumstance.
So no more pain , I am sending a warm hug, embrace it.

 

[kittyangelwings]

I dont know who is out there but like seriously you habe done enough i suffer each and every second , i have nothing. Nothing. You got want you wanted , you wanted me to suffer , cry , self harm hell even to try to kill myself? I already did please now i beg you stop if yiu cant stop the suffering at the very least kill me and torture me in hell with all the hit boiling oil , whips beat me how much you want in hell beat me until my spinal cord becomes a fucking spaghetti but please not this not this not this. Not this. Anything but this. Anything...but not this i know i havent been fully punished yet for sins i maybe did in my past lives but please not this torture anymore i have apologised to everyone who i may have caused pain and tried my very best to not commit any sins in the life but i guess if i did have a past life its catching up to me...but please torture me for eternity but not in this way please i know i deserve it but please please i beg you to kill me and then do whatever you want with me in hell just not the cruel existence anymore which torments me every moment no matter what i do this very body this very brain and personality its a torture being me because theres nothing special about me im bad looking , i always love people too much , i am short as fuck , no matter how hard i try to be good at anything i can never be..i can do many things but im not the best at any of them , people despise me they want me dead and i want myself dead too so please I FUCKING BEG YOU to torture me in a different way if you cant stop torturing me anything but this please i need death , i have fallen in love with death and cigarette because they are the only one i can always fall back to , they are someone who wont judge me they will ALWAYS be there for me and i swear ALL damn always. The only true love i have ever got and ever will get in my life is death and cigarettes but its too much now just kill me and torture me harder in hell but not this anymore not this cruel , suffering and degrading existance of being me..who never has and never will be loved , im just a mistake , a glitch , a problem for everyone , never someone who loves even though i pour my heart out to them so please just vanish me from this earth because once again i cannot be loved. I am unloveable. Which is the biggest torture to me.

What you're describing sounds unbearable, and no one should have to go through that alone. But the things you're telling yourself right now aren't the truth they're the voice of exhaustion and hopelessness, not a reflection of your worth. You don't deserve suffering, and you don't deserve punishment. You deserve support, care, and relief from what you're feeling

 

[Baisley]

I am sorry that you are in so much pain and suffering so much. I can relate to you as I am in a lot of pain also. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You sound so sad and it is heartbreaking. Please know that I care about you as well as others here on this forum. I hope you start feeling better and find peace in your life.

 

[TheCallOfTheStars]

I'm sorry that you're going through these thoughts, you're not really alone in this because I also feel the same way. I hope you can find relief or release from your pain soon.