february in alaska
wandering aimlessly
- Sep 13, 2023
- 462
One of my professors, one of the few that I felt actually cared about me, sent an email saying how disappointed he was in me for being late with assignments and "blowing off work"
Although I never amounted to much in the he entirety of my life, I've always been a straight A student. Not super smart, but I can put in the work to do extra credit or figure it out on my own time, especially with no social life to speak of. At least… up until the last semester, where I'm barely holding onto my C-minuses.
It's so hard to give a shit when I already have a plan. What does it matter if I pass or fail? I'm not planning on graduating anyway. Does it matter if I'm a few days late on an assignment? Do I really have to keep wasting my time on this meaningless shit and stressing over homework when I'm not going to be alive in three months? The only shit I need to study for right now is how to tie knots and find anchor points.
I just can't stand my managers telling me I need to work harder to get promoted, my professors scolding me and saying how disappointed they are, my parents yelling at me to decide whether or not I want to go to graduate school or find a better job and have a career. I can't tell any of them why I've stopped caring and I have to pretend like I care so they won't get suspicious. But I just don't care.
I wanted to leave on a good note with everyone and I'm sure they'll feel guilty for all of it after I'm gone, but I wish I could make it all stop for the next three months. Just a few months to press pause and take care of everything. Fuck, whatever. I just need to hold out until new years and then it's fair game whenever I feel impulsive. Fucking whatever. God
Although I never amounted to much in the he entirety of my life, I've always been a straight A student. Not super smart, but I can put in the work to do extra credit or figure it out on my own time, especially with no social life to speak of. At least… up until the last semester, where I'm barely holding onto my C-minuses.
It's so hard to give a shit when I already have a plan. What does it matter if I pass or fail? I'm not planning on graduating anyway. Does it matter if I'm a few days late on an assignment? Do I really have to keep wasting my time on this meaningless shit and stressing over homework when I'm not going to be alive in three months? The only shit I need to study for right now is how to tie knots and find anchor points.
I just can't stand my managers telling me I need to work harder to get promoted, my professors scolding me and saying how disappointed they are, my parents yelling at me to decide whether or not I want to go to graduate school or find a better job and have a career. I can't tell any of them why I've stopped caring and I have to pretend like I care so they won't get suspicious. But I just don't care.
I wanted to leave on a good note with everyone and I'm sure they'll feel guilty for all of it after I'm gone, but I wish I could make it all stop for the next three months. Just a few months to press pause and take care of everything. Fuck, whatever. I just need to hold out until new years and then it's fair game whenever I feel impulsive. Fucking whatever. God
