Venting keeping me alive is cruel and selfish

[tiredandold]

I live in Canada, but MAID won't be discussed for mental health issues until 2027. This is how I wanted to go, on my own terms, surrounded by loved ones.

But I can't have that.

I also can't kill myself. Every method seems too risky (I'm scared I'll make it out and be more disabled than I was before) or too scary. I live in fear every second of the day (diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, OCD, AN, and PTSD) and have been on medications and in multiple therapies since I was 14. I'm 29 now. It's only getting worse, and I try SO HARD in therapy. It isn't working.

I feel like I'm being kept alive as a punishment from God for my sins at this point.

I just wish my loved ones would help me ctb. I wish they would support me. If I were a dog, I'd be pts. I don't know what to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it's just so cruel to me how the option of painless death is denied with the suffering and torture of human existence seen as to force and prolong no matter what, I also just wish to be free from the suffering, all I hope for is to die peacefully with no more pain and no more suffering and I always suffer so much from how that is denied for me. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.