Venting "keep in touch"

[Life_and_Death]

Who? How?

Going back to the coffee thing (things occupy my mind for too long. It's been what? A week? Anyway...) he was all like "keep in touch" and I just had to throw it back "you haven't been doing too good with that yourself".

Who should be the one to "keep in touch"? I can understand the mindset "you don't message me why should I message you" that's the mind frame im at. But if both parties are feeling this way then neither is going to contact the other. Are both at fault for breaking the line of communication? If they aren't messaging how are you suppose to know the difference between just busy and not actually wanting me around. How am I suppose to "keep in touch" when I don't feel wanted. When I feel like keeping in touch is just going to push you away?

Then there's the how? I've tried keeping in touch with people.. "hey, how's your day" but I always end up feeling ignored, not cared about. The line of communication doesn't take long to fall. How do you keep in touch without driving them away? Why want to keep in touch with me if you're just going to stop messaging back?

I hate humans, they're hurtful and don't make any damn sense!

It's been a week... "keep in touch", im fairly confident he suspects abuse by the way he was asking questions, I obviously lead him to believe it's fine but still... It's been a week... YOU said keep in touch... And I haven't even gotten a hi...
Humans are disheartening
Watch him message after I post this... Shit like that always seems to happen. "oh wasnt actually a problem" which just makes me hate myself and bpd more... Everything leads to feeling more suicidal. I could keep talking but I'm just digressing into a different topic plus I don't feel like talking about it.

What are your thoughts on "keep in touch", preferably something constructive.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

something constructive

Write them a message. If they don't reply for months you'll have your answer. If you're thinking about them and don't write a message, then I don't see why not. "you don't message me why should I message you" is a very quick recipe for unhappiness. It's impossible to know how the other person is feeling. If messaging would push them away, then there's a problem either with the other person or the messages sent anyway.

I can usually accurately tell with feelings about these things, I trust some friends even if they don't reply for months anyway. There's no use in worrying about someone who doesn't reciprocate, since you can't change how other people feel. I'm not flawless, sometimes I've sent several messages in a row before realising what I've done and then I check myself.

Sometimes we hurt ourselves with absence. Sometimes absence and putting someone from your mind completely is the best way to deal with it, because if its affecting you so much it hurts then it's possible it's become an obsession, and in my experience at breaking obsessions, by far the most effective thing for me is to exert self-control and stop thinking about them (don't check their profile, don't check anything related to them etc, take a break from thinking about them completely).

In my experience, it only takes a couple of days to break an obsession manually then feeling normal again. After that I can talk to that person again without feeling jealous, hurt or expecting anything. Plus done right, that person would have no idea they were the object of obsession at all, and the relationship isn't affected.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Write them a message.

ive been thinking about it, but rejection. at this point its less emotionally wearing to not bother. he did mention trying to quit smoking again when he went back...i was thinking about messaging him to see how its going/be encouraging.

Sometimes we hurt ourselves with absence. Sometimes absence and putting someone from your mind completely is the best way to deal with it, because if its affecting you so much it hurts then it's possible it's become an obsession, and in my experience at breaking obsessions, by far the most effective thing for me is to exert self-control and stop thinking about them.

im one of those people with constant thoughts, so whats on my mind isnt really my choice. i should be taking my med i know...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Leave them a message asking about that and then try to immediately forget about it and do something else. That said, all of this works for me.

It might be different for anyone else, all I can think of trying is distractions and forcing yourself to think of anything else. I don't think any of these suggestions are easy for anyone, medication or not, so they might be impossible.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Leave them a message asking about that and then try to immediately forget about it and do something else. That said, all of this works for me.

It might be different for anyone else, all I can think of trying is distractions and forcing yourself to think of anything else. I don't think any of these suggestions are easy for anyone, medication or not, so they might be impossible.

i do have other problems i can spend my day worrying about XD
i guess i can try messaging him as pointless as it feels