Venting Just want to die

[Mort]

I just want to FUCKING die so why am i still here ? I am in constant pain no job no life and no one gives a shit about me . So why fo i keep going on with this shitty life????? I thought I had a way out but turns out i dont have cancer doctor screwed up just benign tumors. And of course they given me pain to but as they not life ending dont when they going to have to operate could be up to a year. And i still keep going on that one thing i should top myself but NOOOOO keep going. Why o why do i fucking keep going i hate my self more now than i ever did but still here. I think i should just walk to the nearest lake tie a fucking great big stone to my self and jump in . My life is painful so why should my death be painless but i would back out of thr just to chicken shit scare. What will it take to end it all i am so envious of those who have done it . Sorry for the mone just very piss at the moment i hate doctors at the moment:( .

 

[Hotsackage]

I know how you feel. I'm on disability. Cant have a relationship. Can hardly walk. I hope you find a way out one day

 

[wanttodie]

I know how you feel. I'm on disability to have no life hate living and what to end my life

 

[dandan]

im so so sorry mate... what a disgrace.... I though if I got fired would be a perfect reason to ctb
because I'm actually overpaid... they are paying me to learn!! wtf?? I dont understand why do they continue to pay me.... they fired 30 other people... they didnt fired me because I was the most skilled... but anyway... im only learning....

 

[Mort]

Well today bin a shitty one bin in pain all day i taken more pain pills than should have. I get 110 tramadol 50mg they should larst me 4 weeks but after 2 they all most gone so the codeine to they 30mg of pure codeine. And i get the felling that the doctors just dont care they i should try to cut down HA . Well its constant pain 24 hrs a day they won't put me on morphine as they thats for when it gets worse LOL they all fucking arsols:( . Then they ask why i am looking a little depressed do i need to chat to sum one LOL dam they have no clue these new doctors seem like load of new age hippies. At the end of the day they dont give a shit as long they get rid of you and let sum one else fuck you over . You just get the felling that your just one big joke to them if they cant fix you with pills they pass you over to sum one else. Then you have to start from the beginning again and while they pissing you around you run out of painkillers. And try tell them you need more and they look at you like your a junkie . They say onley a bit of pain shore you can put up with if for a bit . Thats when i all most knock the doctors lights out had to get up and walk out could not tack any more of his bullshit . Any luck my liver mite fry its self with all these pills knowing my luck i pass out and find my self in hospital with a new liver LOL

 

[suffering]

I feel your pain. I'm trapped as well. I'm pretty convinced I will have to live this hell till the end, old age and everything.

 

[dandan]

I feel your pain. I'm trapped as well. I'm pretty convinced I will have to live this hell till the end, old age and everything.

Sorry man, I'm 36 and hating it too, I'm in emotional pain and financial troubles , wishing light hit my ideas and thoughts about what to do, q guy said he build a business around delivery I already a asked what I really need to know , I could build a similar thing but don't know how he's paying the actual guys who do the delivery, what a waste and how sad that that financial troubles can hit me so hard.... But I'll be damn if I thought I had to live it to the end.... That sucks.... I have my N .... Why would you Have to see it to the end?

 

[dandan]

I just want to FUCKING die so why am i still here ? I am in constant pain no job no life and no one gives a shit about me . So why fo i keep going on with this shitty life????? I thought I had a way out but turns out i dont have cancer doctor screwed up just benign tumors. And of course they given me pain to but as they not life ending dont when they going to have to operate could be up to a year. And i still keep going on that one thing i should top myself but NOOOOO keep going. Why o why do i fucking keep going i hate my self more now than i ever did but still here. I think i should just walk to the nearest lake tie a fucking great big stone to my self and jump in . My life is painful so why should my death be painless but i would back out of thr just to chicken shit scare. What will it take to end it all i am so envious of those who have done it . Sorry for the mone just very piss at the moment i hate doctors at the moment:( .

are you a little better now?

 

[SadGirl]

I just want to FUCKING die so why am i still here ? I am in constant pain no job no life and no one gives a shit about me . So why fo i keep going on with this shitty life????? I thought I had a way out but turns out i dont have cancer doctor screwed up just benign tumors. And of course they given me pain to but as they not life ending dont when they going to have to operate could be up to a year. And i still keep going on that one thing i should top myself but NOOOOO keep going. Why o why do i fucking keep going i hate my self more now than i ever did but still here. I think i should just walk to the nearest lake tie a fucking great big stone to my self and jump in . My life is painful so why should my death be painless but i would back out of thr just to chicken shit scare. What will it take to end it all i am so envious of those who have done it . Sorry for the mone just very piss at the moment i hate doctors at the moment:( .

I hope everything will be fine for you anyway, count on the people here on the forum, what we can do to help, we will do for sure.

 

[dandan]

I just want to FUCKING die so why am i still here ? I am in constant pain no job no life and no one gives a shit about me . So why fo i keep going on with this shitty life????? I thought I had a way out but turns out i dont have cancer doctor screwed up just benign tumors. And of course they given me pain to but as they not life ending dont when they going to have to operate could be up to a year. And i still keep going on that one thing i should top myself but NOOOOO keep going. Why o why do i fucking keep going i hate my self more now than i ever did but still here. I think i should just walk to the nearest lake tie a fucking great big stone to my self and jump in . My life is painful so why should my death be painless but i would back out of thr just to chicken shit scare. What will it take to end it all i am so envious of those who have done it . Sorry for the mone just very piss at the moment i hate doctors at the moment:( .

I wished I had no one caring over me ... that would make it so easy to ctb....
im sorry hope you had a good night sleep, no job? are you in bed now? and alone?
Why do you keep going? Why??

 

[TheRiverStyz]

I'm pretty much the same. Holding on just a tiny bit longer to find out whether or not I'm finally getting a job, but I'm not too positive about that. Sorry about the tumor, though. Would you have to pay a lot out of pocket for the surgery?

 

[dandan]

I'm pretty much the same. Holding on just a tiny bit longer to find out whether or not I'm finally getting a job, but I'm not too positive about that. Sorry about the tumor, though. Would you have to pay a lot out of pocket for the surgery?

yup, I understand, if I got fired, CTB would be almost a priority ;(

hate and have big regret of not having millions, I could have made millions so easy and I regret not having them, I the opportunity

 

[DeepMind]

I can relate to all of you. I have several health issues and I often feel like suffocating because my lung is damaged. CTB becomes quite beautiful in these cases.

 

[dandan]

I can relate to all of you. I have several health issues and I often feel like suffocating because my lung is damaged. CTB becomes quite beautiful in these cases.

specially if your mother is no longer alive... or dependant offsprings...

 

[DeepMind]

specially if your mother is no longer alive... or dependant offsprings...

My mother is still alive and she is the only reason I'm still here. The problem with illness is that you are even more reliant on your family, it becomes more difficult to move far away and it would put them into a really stupid situation when you ctb.

 

[Mort]

are you a little better now?

No not really pain still there doctors no help dont know what else to say just so dam tried of life

 

[dandan]

My mother is still alive and she is the only reason I'm still here. The problem with illness is that you are even more reliant on your family, it becomes more difficult to move far away and it would put them into a really stupid situation when you ctb.

yup its sad having our mothers alive, because it puts them in that stupid situation... I dont want to do that to her, but I also dont want to live....

I have to put this in a balance and make a choice, or not make a choice and keep living poorly

aaw poor me, poor my mom.... I wish I just said: "hell with it, I wont die until my mom does" but then again, she's healthy and might make it difficult for me....

No not really pain still there doctors no help dont know what else to say just so dam tried of life

sorry mate, pain? really? so you in pain, like physical or emotional? im sorry for you... wish I could help you end the pain man

 

[Mort]

yup its sad having our mothers alive, because it puts them in that stupid situation... I dont want to do that to her, but I also dont want to live....

I have to put this in a balance and make a choice, or not make a choice and keep living poorly

aaw poor me, poor my mom.... I wish I just said: "hell with it, I wont die until my mom does" but then again, she's healthy and might make it difficult for me....



sorry mate, pain? really? so you in pain, like physical or emotional? im sorry for you... wish I could help you end the pain man

The pain is from arthritis in most of my joints and my head a little mess up to . way things go in life but i am fucked if going to put up with it much longer hay ho one day i go lol

 

[dandan]

yay, hay ho one day I'll go too

but I just spoke with my mom on the phone

then she sends me an I love you animated gif via whatsapp.... I dont want to leave her