Venting Just want the pain to end but I'm scared of what comes after death

[Eudaimonic]

I know there are a million posts like this already, but I felt like making one anyway.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm in the same boat. I fear a few things. Christian hell, despite everything, all the difficulties in believing in an elaborate supernatural system with miracles and a divinely inspired book. Also just waking up again. I fear death will be like general anaesthesia, just a skip massively forward in time. Somehow.

 

[Jun123]

Personally I like the thought that dying is like a peaceful sleep. No worries, no pain, no suffering, no thoughts, only peace.
Also I think if there really is something after death, which I never believe in nor hope that it'll happen, but if there is we can't change it anyway and we'll all die sooner or later, so might as well see what is waiting for us right now

 

[Eudaimonic]

I'm in the same boat. I fear a few things. Christian hell, despite everything, all the difficulties in believing in an elaborate supernatural system with miracles and a divinely inspired book. Also just waking up again. I fear death will be like general anaesthesia, just a skip massively forward in time. Somehow.

Personally I like the thought that dying is like a peaceful sleep. No worries, no pain, no suffering, no thoughts, only peace.
Also I think if there really is something after death, which I never believe in nor hope that it'll happen, but if there is we can't change it anyway and we'll all die sooner or later, so might as well see what is waiting for us right now

Personally, I am afraid of being born again. But honestly, existing at all in any state "forever" scares me. I want there to just be nothing, but I don't believe in that. Once you stop believing that the body (or even the mind) is what you are and once you stop being a materialist that believes consciousness is identical to or supervenes on the brain, there's no longer any basis for 'nothingness' and instead a whole host of possibilities open up, and that is frankly terrifying. But I do think NDEs and intermission memories (IMO, two sides of the same coin) give us the closest glimpse into the hereafter. And I think the "next world" has a kind of gravitational pull back to embodiment (not to mention possibly coercive entities that might force one into a body against their will; not to be confused with prison planet).

As an aside, I recently became obsessed with trying to uproot all of my suffering and avoid the aforementioned risks (by no longer being subject to death at all). I studied the Suttas and got into early Buddhism and even took up the five precepts and some of the eight ones. I even wanted to ordain as a Buddhist monastic, but I eventually accepted that I am too mentally ill to make it work. So, my goal is now to (if I don't kill myself over my debilitating gender dysphoria and other issues in the next few years) at least uproot all passion in regard to sensual pleasures and free myself of almost all suffering before I die. However, unfortunately, I am a mentally ill basket case, which makes that difficult to accomplish. Speaking of which, I just had an emotional meltdown, so, not doing well right now.