Hey guys, I've been on here for a while but haven't had the courage to post before. I'm feeling so defeated. I just want to feel like there is an OPTION to choose to CTB if things don't get better…. But all of the peaceful methods are becoming increasingly scarce. My method of choice is SN because it will be the least horrifying for my family to find and won't trigger my strong SI. But being unable to find it makes me feel trapped, like there is no way out of this extreme suffering. Like I cannot die, but I cannot live either. I think it's barbaric that we're not allowed to make this choice for ourselves.
AInilam
Student
- Dec 17, 2023
- 173
I know exactly how you feel. I hope to God my method works, it's high risk because of the lack of options out there but I'm too tired to care anymore. I could end up brain damaged if it fails or with a severe to mild case of amnesia. In the event that I do fail, the only note I plan to leave is to end my suffering if I turn out to be a vegetable or severely altered/disabled beyond recognition. I'm sorry you're forced to suffer, I hope you like many others are able to find peace in this cruel world. Best wishes.
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Hell even SN is incredibly hard to find depending where you are and even its peacfulness is varied according to individual experience although it's still a good method compared to what's left, that hasn't been restricted.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,175
I understand, it's horrible how we are denied the option to just die in peace even know we never could have consented to being in this existence in the first place. It disgusts me how this society is so anti-suicide with many humans believing that suffering must be prolonged no matter what, to me it'd be so relieving to have Nembutal.
That's what's driving me insane, the best method for me is sooo hard to find
N is the absolute dream escape
hi-okbye
7.7.2023<3
- May 5, 2023
- 656
I understand how you feel so much. I felt so lost until I got my SN. I feel so much freedom now that I have it though.
Do you live in the US? I am so happy for you, I can only imagine the peace that comes with having a choice
hi-okbye
7.7.2023<3
- May 5, 2023
- 656
yes! and yes again lol. there's so much relief in knowing I can ctb whenever I want, in a matter of minutes. even though I have my set date and time.
Ilovedyoulikeadog
“I am Chemistry”
- Dec 17, 2023
- 14
I know that feeling, of being able to HAVE that option and have a way out if needed. Unfortunately, I bought Nitrate instead... and man... the feeling I got when I realized my way out was gone was unbearable. It made me panic. Having a way out made me actually able to eat again.
hi-okbye
7.7.2023<3
- May 5, 2023
- 656
I'm so so sorry that ended up happening. I can even relate to the last line. Being able to ctb cured my eating disorder of two years. I'm never able to tell people how I fixed it so quickly, I just wanted to enjoy life fully before going out.
I hope your able to find some sort of peace good luck <3
IWishToDie
I check notifications once per week
- Dec 31, 2023
- 480
