Venting Just venting

[hhmmmm]

Currently at work right now but been feeling a lot of emotions these past weeks/months that I need to let out. I'm pretty young, only 20 but I feel like there's not much for me to live for. I don't want to work, I don't wanna go back to school and my life is not important. I am a burden, an embarrassment, a mistake, a waste of air and the list goes on. I know this sounds very lazy of me but I don't want do anything with my life.

I'm the problem. I always has been. People my age, younger or older are doing better than me and I'm the disappointment. My older cousin is getting her masters degree, family friend graduating from her four years and my cousin who is younger than me goes to a really good school. But me? I tried college in the past but had stopped going due to so many suicide attempts but I feel useless and dumb. I will never be smart like others. I can't make my family proud and it feels horrible when my mom compares me to other people.

I feel like my life is not as bad as others so I don't understand why I am so depressed. I live under a roof, I do have a job, I have food. I feel like I'm being ungrateful. I'm also a very sensitive person I feel, I take everything personal. I hate being yelled at or nagged at. Whenever there's a minor inconvenience I'm like "ok it's time to end my shit" and I know that's an unhealthy way of thinking but I'm done trying. I also have been very anxious recently and I hate it, it's such an overwhelming feeling.

I've gained a shit ton of weight just eating a bunch of junk food to cope with my feelings. I know that sounds horrible but that's what happened. There was a point where it was so hard for me to get up out of bed to do the simple things.

I know that if I die it will effect my family and I don't want to hurt them although I feel like their lives would be better without me. My mom is getting older and sick, my grandparents also getting older and I have a younger brother to take care of. I'm burnt out trying to stay alive for them I will admit.

I have been back in therapy since 2020 and taking medication for my depression. It helps to a certain extent but deep down inside I would like to be unalive or not exist. I have attempted multiple times in the past with benadryl to end it all but it didn't work out and it was all a terrible experience. Blurry visions, hard to breath, hard to swallow, heart beat fast, nausea, no balance and the list also goes on. I don't know what to do.

I do have hobbies such as gaming, watching anime, reading manga/light novels and what not, but it only distracts me to a certain extent. I also like talking to my online friends and going out to eat sometimes but I feel like in the future I'll distance myself again from all my friends. Even though my friends tell me they love me my mind loves to convince me they don't.

Hopefully I'm gone soon.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through all this and I can relate sososo much. Would you like some words of comfort or just a shoulder? I'm here for you regardless.

 

[Zegers]

I can relate to that feeling unimportant, that your life is empty, and when you want to try to be more upbeat or do something the world slaps you in the face.

Hopefully this is my last year.

 

[hhmmmm]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through all this and I can relate sososo much. Would you like some words of comfort or just a shoulder? I'm here for you regardless.

Thank you so much dude I would like some words of comfort if you don't mind. Means a lot that you responded.

I can relate to that feeling unimportant, that your life is empty, and when you want to try to be more upbeat or do something the world slaps you in the face.

Hopefully this is my last year.

sending you a hug dude. We in the same boat

 

[Unwr!tten]

Thank you so much dude I would like some words of comfort if you don't mind. Means a lot that you responded.

First, I wanna say how brave you are for coming to us with what's going on. Speaking out about your struggles can be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but in the words of Aristotle, "You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor. I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

Second, I want to say that no matter what the world tells you, you are not a waste of space, you are not unimportant, you are NOT worthless. Will I sit here and give a bunch of reasons why I think this? I could, but that would more so be invalidating you which 8 would never want to do because what you're feeling is valid and I can understand why you're feeling the way you do.

However, what I think 8 can do is tell you that I understand what you're going through, because I live that experience every day and it's hell on earth. It's awful and I'm sorry you're going through it. The mind really is our own worst enemy and it hurts us everyday in so many horrible ways, but like Aristotle said, the greatest achievement is overcoming oneself.

If you don't want to work or go to school, find a way to do neither— did you know you can collect Social Security from the government for severe depression? Maybe you can do that while you figure out what you want. Whatever you decide t9 do, don't waste your time and energy in things that make you unhappy. If you're going to be forced to live, might as well be happy with what you're doing in your life.

Comparing ourselves to others is the quickest way to self punishment and if I were you, I'd take a deep breath and try as best you can to stop that (Though I'm well aware at how difficult that it), because if you do that, you will only look at those and compare yourself to those you perceive as better and never look at anyone you're doing better than, so what's the point of that, then? I'm sure you're not that much of a bad person. (to talk specifics about this one, we can PM about it.)

Depression doesn't need a reason and how we cope with it is valid, no matter how. Don't ever think "oh I shouldn't be depressed", because no matter the situation, that's not true. You can get depression no matter who you are or where you're at in life and there's nothing wrong with that, I promise.

In short, you are valid and I'm here to talk you through every little thing if you want.

 

[hhmmmm]

First, I wanna say how brave you are for coming to us with what's going on. Speaking out about your struggles can be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but in the words of Aristotle, "You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor. I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

Second, I want to say that no matter what the world tells you, you are not a waste of space, you are not unimportant, you are NOT worthless. Will I sit here and give a bunch of reasons why I think this? I could, but that would more so be invalidating you which 8 would never want to do because what you're feeling is valid and I can understand why you're feeling the way you do.

However, what I think 8 can do is tell you that I understand what you're going through, because I live that experience every day and it's hell on earth. It's awful and I'm sorry you're going through it. The mind really is our own worst enemy and it hurts us everyday in so many horrible ways, but like Aristotle said, the greatest achievement is overcoming oneself.

If you don't want to work or go to school, find a way to do neither— did you know you can collect Social Security from the government for severe depression? Maybe you can do that while you figure out what you want. Whatever you decide t9 do, don't waste your time and energy in things that make you unhappy. If you're going to be forced to live, might as well be happy with what you're doing in your life.

Comparing ourselves to others is the quickest way to self punishment and if I were you, I'd take a deep breath and try as best you can to stop that (Though I'm well aware at how difficult that it), because if you do that, you will only look at those and compare yourself to those you perceive as better and never look at anyone you're doing better than, so what's the point of that, then? I'm sure you're not that much of a bad person. (to talk specifics about this one, we can PM about it.)

Depression doesn't need a reason and how we cope with it is valid, no matter how. Don't ever think "oh I shouldn't be depressed", because no matter the situation, that's not true. You can get depression no matter who you are or where you're at in life and there's nothing wrong with that, I promise.

In short, you are valid and I'm here to talk you through every little thing if you want.

Dude how do I even respond to this, I'm like emotional and grateful right now that you took the time out of your day to respond to me in such a kind and caring way. Especially when you said "I could, but that would more so be invalidating you which 8 would never want to do because what you're feeling is valid and I can understand why you're feeling the way you do." Like I can tell you have a big heart.

I'm sorry you also have to deal with the same feelings as I do you are also important. I've heard of government giving out checks for those with disabilities but I didn't know it also included those who are extremely depressed, I'll have to look into that! Thank you!

You give amazing advice and I don't know how to thank you. I hope you have a great day/afternoon/night where ever you are. Much love

 

[Unwr!tten]

I just want to show people how much they matter— how important they are because I know that when I'm very suicidal and depressed, that's all I want. Is a hug and some love. I love everyone, no matter who they are and I just want to spread that.

 

[hhmmmm]

I just want to show people how much they matter— how important they are because I know that when I'm very suicidal and depressed, that's all I want. Is a hug and some love. I love everyone, no matter who they are and I just want to spread that.

Sending you a big hug and some love!

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't think that anyone should have to feel grateful as after all, we were cruelly forced into this world in the first place, it isn't like any of us asked to be here, and anyway it's very much understandable just wishing to be free from existing, as it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here. I wish you the best.

 

[hhmmmm]

I don't think that anyone should have to feel grateful as after all, we were cruelly forced into this world in the first place, it isn't like any of us asked to be here, and anyway it's very much understandable just wishing to be free from existing, as it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here. I wish you the best.

I strongly feel that as well where I didn't ask to be here and I hate it. It feels like an obligation to be trapped here. It's very tiring. I wish you the best as well!

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

Currently at work right now but been feeling a lot of emotions these past weeks/months that I need to let out. I'm pretty young, only 20 but I feel like there's not much for me to live for. I don't want to work, I don't wanna go back to school and my life is not important. I am a burden, an embarrassment, a mistake, a waste of air and the list goes on. I know this sounds very lazy of me but I don't want do anything with my life.

I'm the problem. I always has been. People my age, younger or older are doing better than me and I'm the disappointment. My older cousin is getting her masters degree, family friend graduating from her four years and my cousin who is younger than me goes to a really good school. But me? I tried college in the past but had stopped going due to so many suicide attempts but I feel useless and dumb. I will never be smart like others. I can't make my family proud and it feels horrible when my mom compares me to other people.

I feel like my life is not as bad as others so I don't understand why I am so depressed. I live under a roof, I do have a job, I have food. I feel like I'm being ungrateful. I'm also a very sensitive person I feel, I take everything personal. I hate being yelled at or nagged at. Whenever there's a minor inconvenience I'm like "ok it's time to end my shit" and I know that's an unhealthy way of thinking but I'm done trying. I also have been very anxious recently and I hate it, it's such an overwhelming feeling.

I've gained a shit ton of weight just eating a bunch of junk food to cope with my feelings. I know that sounds horrible but that's what happened. There was a point where it was so hard for me to get up out of bed to do the simple things.

I know that if I die it will effect my family and I don't want to hurt them although I feel like their lives would be better without me. My mom is getting older and sick, my grandparents also getting older and I have a younger brother to take care of. I'm burnt out trying to stay alive for them I will admit.

I have been back in therapy since 2020 and taking medication for my depression. It helps to a certain extent but deep down inside I would like to be unalive or not exist. I have attempted multiple times in the past with benadryl to end it all but it didn't work out and it was all a terrible experience. Blurry visions, hard to breath, hard to swallow, heart beat fast, nausea, no balance and the list also goes on. I don't know what to do.

I do have hobbies such as gaming, watching anime, reading manga/light novels and what not, but it only distracts me to a certain extent. I also like talking to my online friends and going out to eat sometimes but I feel like in the future I'll distance myself again from all my friends. Even though my friends tell me they love me my mind loves to convince me they don't.

Hopefully I'm gone soon.

Do not take this as me minimizing your suffering -- it IS real and valid, and I'm sorry you ARE suffering. But you are only 20. You still have many options. You aren't the problem, your mind is only making you feel that you are because, well, mental illness is a cunt. Your friends DO love you, and having friends who care about you is a HUGE positive in anyone's life! Having friends who care about you matters a LOT. Weight gain during these times of struggle is common, but weight gain doesn't define who you are inside -- you can always reverse that when you are stronger and want to do so. Please do the best you can and take solace in your small victories, these victories will become your building blocks and will sustain you in times of struggle. There is no limit to how happy and content you can become!

As far as worrying about who is doing 'better' than you, etc, pay no mind to that. What people are telling you or showing others on their SM may not even be close to accurate. Find that internal compass and trust it! I hope tomorrow and the days that follow are much better for you!

 

[hhmmmm]

Do not take this as me minimizing your suffering -- it IS real and valid, and I'm sorry you ARE suffering. But you are only 20. You still have many options. You aren't the problem, your mind is only making you feel that you are because, well, mental illness is a cunt. Your friends DO love you, and having friends who care about you is a HUGE positive in anyone's life! Having friends who care about you matters a LOT. Weight gain during these times of struggle is common, but weight gain doesn't define who you are inside -- you can always reverse that when you are stronger and want to do so. Please do the best you can and take solace in your small victories, these victories will become your building blocks and will sustain you in times of struggle. There is no limit to how happy and content you can become!

As far as worrying about who is doing 'better' than you, etc, pay no mind to that. What people are telling you or showing others on their SM may not even be close to accurate. Find that internal compass and trust it! I hope tomorrow and the days that follow are much better for you!

Thank you for the kind words and advice . That really does mean a lot especially your validation. Especially the weight gain part, I just feel so alone. You're right about worrying about what others are doing. Thank you so much again.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

Thank you for the kind words and advice . That really does mean a lot especially your validation. Especially the weight gain part, I just feel so alone. You're right about worrying about what others are doing. Thank you so much again.

You're very welcome!