E
eternaltroubador
Member
- Jan 30, 2021
- 50
I hate myself so much. I feel so guilty for what I've done with my life. I had so many opportunities, I managed to get good grades through high school and my freshman year of college but starting when covid hit my mental health declined rapidly and my anxiety started to steadily amp up. In the end, I succumbed. I stopped attending classes. I failed all of them last semester. I just didn't want to have to get up and do anything. When my family thought I was in class and doing homework, i was just in bed all day getting high or drunk or both and trying to sleep away as much of the day as I could. No one knows about this. No one. Not my parents, or brother, or friends, or girlfriend. None of them know the state I'm in. I'm so ashamed to be around my family that I make up having plans just to be out of the house. I actually just read or sleep in my car or walk for miles back and forth on the same stupid trail because I'm restless. But never anything productive. I'm not progressing toward anything. I've told so many lies I'm living as a character I constructed because I'm afraid of them knowing the truth. I just don't see the point in trying to fight it any more. I'm just sick of this life, and I want out. I'm too anxious and depressed to function, and I can't live to be the disappointment I've become.