Just took one 7,5mg zopiclone pill

[Nirrend]

Farewell, this is my method

Just kidding

More seriously, I took this because I want to prepare myself to OD. I'm ridiculous, I have a phobia of losing control and I want to go with an OD, with drugs.

I really hate myself at times like this, I feel like I'm useless, I can't think straight and I'd like to be able to help as best I can

I'm tired of it, I feel like my life depends on my ability to try to help and give my presence

I love you all here, from the bottom of my heart and I swear it. But a lot of times I think, "If I don't comment, if I don't write, I'll be rejected." Where during other days "If I comment, I will get rejected. It's probably better to stay quiet"

I'm ashamed to think like that, I'm ashamed to be seen as someone who loves for the sake of being love in return

But I assure you, I love you so much, you are like my family, I feel so good here, but I don't have the strength to comment anymore, or even just to read posts.

I never thought I would get so bad in a few days, I really feel guilty for that

In short, as I said, when I lose control of my actions, I panic, and the fact that I took zopiclone 7,5mg this night

It allows me to prepare myself for later, I'll try to increase the amount regularly, to abolish my phobia, because I refuse to be stopped by the shitty and bad experiences I always had while taking drugs

At the moment I feel good, I've managed to calm my phobia (just took another pill rn)

When I think that in addition to my phobia, I will have to deal with SI (lol)

I feel like I'm floating, I'm light (sadly not what my doctor says) (I'm tempted sometimes to tell her to make an effort to at least be less fat than I am, since in her eyes she says I should take my weight loss seriously, in a way I take hers seriously)

Anyway, I wanted to apologize for the image I may have portrayed in this post, I repeat, I love you deeply for who you are and for what you bring to my miserable existence ❤

Thank you for reading

I'm going to bed, because it hits despite all this bullshit
Feeling sleepy, fine, a bit euphoric and really slowed down..

Effects are strange but funny, like my mind is confused and thinking at many things at the same time

I wrote this thread in 30 minutes, constantly trying to correct my mistakes

I need to go to bed

Loving you sweet brothers of pain, I really really love you ❤
Thank you ❤

 

[jodes2]

We love you too Nirrend! Sleep well sweetie

 

[Side-By-Side]

Dearest Nirrend, I am so sorry that life and suffering has brought you to this point.

On behalf of many, I just want to thank you for all your love, time and encouragement that you have poured out and lavished onto everyone You left so much of your light and love on here, and when I read your posts (even though we have never interacted before) I feel a lot less lonely on this forum.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with us Lots of love and hugs to you.

 

[Nirrend]

We love you too Nirrend! Sleep well sweetie

❤❤

You're always here, anywhere you feel distress !

What a superhero ❤

Love ❤

Dearest Nirrend, I am so sorry that life and suffering has brought you to this point.

On behalf of many, I just want to thank you for all your love, time and encouragement that you have poured out and lavished onto everyone You left so much of your light and love on here, and when I read your posts (even though we have never interacted before) I feel a lot less lonely on this forum.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with us Lots of love and hugs to you.

Made me tear up man .. really

This is absolutely heaven to read ❤

I'm glad you feel like this ❤

I'll do my best, even if I'm struggling, I want this place to be as it is currently, I really feel like there's love and respect everywhere now
Living and discussing in such environment is pure bliss ❤

With pleasure I'll talk to you sweet @Side-By-Side ❤

And yes, as soon my energy will comme back, I want to spend nice moments with people here ❤

Sending you love beautiful soul ❤

 

[Dead Meat]

Much Love and Hugs to You @Nirrend

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Loving you dearly.

 

[Nirrend]

Loving you dearly.

Much Love and Hugs to You @Nirrend

❤❤

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing can certainly be tiring and painful and it does sound like you have suffered a lot. It really is so dreadful how all this endless suffering continues to exist in this world but I wish you the best with what you are doing.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Are you still with us, @Nirrend ?

 

[Nirrend]

Are you still with us, @Nirrend ?

Yes sadly,

I'm glad to see members here again

But I'm devastated to be alive

Kind that you asked ❤

 

[reverse03]

Yes sadly,

I'm glad to see members here again

But I'm devastated to be alive

Kind that you asked ❤

I am sorry that your method failed.

Do you have any idea why it failed?

 

[Nirrend]

In fact, as stupid as it will sound, it didn't failed because of the method but because my gf is really prudent with me..

To make it easy, I spent the past few days lying in the dark, waiting for the days to pass

The fact of living had become unbearable (spoiler: it still is)

I waited for my parents to leave so that I could be as planned, alone for a few days.

From that point on, the night before last, I prepared myself mentally and to avoid arousing any suspicion, I wrote to my girlfriend to slowly but surely get her to go to bed (because she was texting me since the afternoon)

During this time, I started to drink and take some pills, but the problem is that she didn't want to go to sleep, I think she felt from the beginning that something was going to happen

Because she was afraid and probably feeling that something was wrong, she decided to come and she told me she was on her way, so she checked on me regularly on the way and within about 40 minutes she was there

She was crying, she was upset and stressed out, I feel really bad for doing this... but I just can't continue like this

As she warned me that she was coming to meet me straight away, I hide everything and only kept next to me some benzo that I continued to take.

She probably felt this situation like I was only abusing from pills but not like I was really determined to kms

So she threw the box that I left next to me (but not the rest) and she took me home with her by force, because otherwise she would send me straight to the clinic

And today, as a result, the time is still as long, I am still as determined to start again but in a short time (few days), I'm going to be hospitalized

The moral of all this is that even when the relatives can be understanding, the gesture of rescue, I interpret as selfishness and also as if they themselves were living SI

Even though I feel bad for her, I know I will do it again one day, but this time I will wait for her to sleep

I don't blame her, I just find it annoying because it's a pathetic reason to fail

Love ❤

 

[almaranthine]

Your posts here are very kind and encouraging. You are a sweet, compassionate person despite everything you are going through. I'm sorry you are suffering. It sounds like your gf genuinely cares so much for you and only wants the best for you. Best wishes

 

[whywere]

You are a ray of sunshine and I love and care about you.

All my best to you and sending lots of hugs and sunshine.

Walter

 

[Nirrend]

You are a ray of sunshine and I love and care about you.

All my best to you and sending lots of hugs and sunshine.

Walter

Your posts here are very kind and encouraging. You are a sweet, compassionate person despite everything you are going through. I'm sorry you are suffering. It sounds like your gf genuinely cares so much for you and only wants the best for you. Best wishes

Both of your messages are deeply lovely ❤

Loving you both ❤

Of course, I would love to send a message to everybody, I really hate to see suffering, but really often, I feel powerless, because there's always new messages..

I really feel like it's impossible to not suffer in this world...

Anyway, thank you for the kind words ❤

Loving you too ❤

 

[Looking4Answers2]

In fact, as stupid as it will sound, it didn't failed because of the method but because my gf is really prudent with me..

To make it easy, I spent the past few days lying in the dark, waiting for the days to pass

The fact of living had become unbearable (spoiler: it still is)

I waited for my parents to leave so that I could be as planned, alone for a few days.

From that point on, the night before last, I prepared myself mentally and to avoid arousing any suspicion, I wrote to my girlfriend to slowly but surely get her to go to bed (because she was texting me since the afternoon)

During this time, I started to drink and take some pills, but the problem is that she didn't want to go to sleep, I think she felt from the beginning that something was going to happen

Because she was afraid and probably feeling that something was wrong, she decided to come and she told me she was on her way, so she checked on me regularly on the way and within about 40 minutes she was there

She was crying, she was upset and stressed out, I feel really bad for doing this... but I just can't continue like this

As she warned me that she was coming to meet me straight away, I hide everything and only kept next to me some benzo that I continued to take.

She probably felt this situation like I was only abusing from pills but not like I was really determined to kms

So she threw the box that I left next to me (but not the rest) and she took me home with her by force, because otherwise she would send me straight to the clinic

And today, as a result, the time is still as long, I am still as determined to start again but in a short time (few days), I'm going to be hospitalized

The moral of all this is that even when the relatives can be understanding, the gesture of rescue, I interpret as selfishness and also as if they themselves were living SI

Even though I feel bad for her, I know I will do it again one day, but this time I will wait for her to sleep

I don't blame her, I just find it annoying because it's a pathetic reason to fail

Love ❤

Someone caring about you is not a pathetic reason to fail.