Just reported my historic abuse to the Police

[Tesha]

Hey all.

I wasn't really sure where to post this, but the recovery section seemed the most logical.

I'm an older member, who amongst other things, was sexually abused by a group of men, 30+ years ago. For a lot of my life I was numb. I suppressed the feelings and memories, I generally got on with things (plus or minus a couple of suicide attempts and involuntary detainments).

This morning, I had a prearranged appointment with the Police. I told them as much as I could remember. I don't know if anything will happen, because there are a lot of blanks in the information. The laws were different back then. But, I told someone.

Now… I am crashing emotionally. I am more suicidal than normal. It's only been 5 hours since reporting it, but I feel like it's been several days. I don't normally dissociate, but I'm guessing I am now.

I don't regret reporting it. Reporting it may contribute to my live / die decision (negatively or positively). But I TOLD SOMEONE.

Oooh… writing that was quite cathartic. Thanks for reading.

 

[アホペンギン]

Hopefully you'll get justice for what those men did to you!! Best of luck!

 

[Larysa]

That shows such bravery and determination, @Tesha. I am so sorry it has been destabilising. I hope you are able to settle back to your base line very soon.

And as you say, YOU DID IT!! No one can take that away from you. So much respect for you.

x x x

 

[ChronicallyCynical]

You're strong to go through all that, then live on so long and report them. I hope you get the resolution you hope for and those men get much-deserved jail time. Whichever decision you make continuing on from this, I hope you will find some peace and stability with this and with it. You did all you could.

 

[backtoearth]

You are braver than I am, truly you are so strong for doing this. I hope you manage to find your peace, and I hope you get your justice <3 It is sad to hear that you are crashing so hard after this - but it makes complete sense so try not to be too hard on yourself - you have done all that you can and I have so much respect for you for being able to do this

 

[SpiritInTheSky]

Hey all.

I wasn't really sure where to post this, but the recovery section seemed the most logical.

I'm an older member, who amongst other things, was sexually abused by a group of men, 30+ years ago. For a lot of my life I was numb. I suppressed the feelings and memories, I generally got on with things (plus or minus a couple of suicide attempts and involuntary detainments).

This morning, I had a prearranged appointment with the Police. I told them as much as I could remember. I don't know if anything will happen, because there are a lot of blanks in the information. The laws were different back then. But, I told someone.

Now… I am crashing emotionally. I am more suicidal than normal. It's only been 5 hours since reporting it, but I feel like it's been several days. I don't normally dissociate, but I'm guessing I am now.

I don't regret reporting it. Reporting it may contribute to my live / die decision (negatively or positively). But I TOLD SOMEONE.

Oooh… writing that was quite cathartic. Thanks for reading.

No matter what, you did the right thing and that was very brave of you.
Whether it was now or in another 30 years, you did what you felt you needed to do, the emotions you're going through now are normal, you've must have thought for years about reporting it and now that you've finally done it the the weight has finally lifted and the adrenaline is pumping through your body. Instead of continuing to running away you choose to finally stand up and fight back.
I'm sure it was something you always thought about and it never left you but now you can say to yourself you've done what you needed to do and can try put it behind you and try move on. You were strong back then and you're even stronger now.
I hope there is justice for you. Stay strong.

 

[snowcloud9]

I'm sorry that happened to you, it must've been hard. Glad that a weight is lifted off you, hope this may help you get past that trauma. And you did a good thing! It's quite possible that they've could've done this to someone else, so in reporting you are also helping others.

 

[HighFlight]

You showed an amazing amount of courage. We can't change the past but hopefully your actions can bring some closure for you, and maybe some justice. Thank you for being brave enough to shed some light on this terrible act. I can't imagine the trauma you've dealt with all these years, or the emotions that reporting it has caused. I hope this can provide you with a little peace as you move forward with your life.

 

[Amelie]

What the fuck? I've recently been in a similar situation. Not as brutal as yours though.
So I was in a violent relationship in the late 90s/ early 2000s. Recently when accessing 'Clare's Law' in the uk it was suggested to me by police that I could pursue a prosecution against my ex husband. Although he was arrested a couple of times at the time, he was never arrested for the really horrible stuff he did which amounted to GBH.
I have an interview and had to hand over all my diaries from those years.. they contain so much disgusting physical and verbal abuse from him. It was a horrible triggering time for me, knowing my personal thoughts were being picked over in a police station. But I had to do it.
I had to get my GP records because when he cut my hand open once and cut my head open another time there were records of that.
I had to mentally prepare myself for the likelihood of appearing in court etc.
Then maybe 2 weeks ago I was called to say they had decided not to pursue it. I can't even tell you how broken I still am from that. I bared my soul AND had to reread all the abuse word for word before giving in my diaries, it has been like reliving all of it.
And it looks like my ex has got away with it.

I'm sharing this with you because I want you to know someone else has been through a similar thing. Also I'm an older member too (47).
BUT I'm praying that your outcome will be different. I really hope you get justice. I'm so sorry those things happened to you.
I'm glad sharing your story was cathartic though. Do keep us posted on what happens won't you? Xx

 

[Tesha]

@Amelie I'm sorry to hear that you've been through such horrible experiences. What drives these people to do this stuff is just incomprehensible, at least to me. I'm sorry you were put through the evidence gathering, but it didn't then progress to court. It's shit.

I'm not going to share too much, as I don't want the police visiting this forum to gather evidence (I wouldn't tell them, but you never know who's reading). I will say I think my experience was the result of grooming by a group in a youth voluntary organisation. Although the laws that cover that type of abuse now, didn't exist in the 80's/90's….

I will probably update this post now and then, I think it might help me.