Toxinebulaic
winter is coming
- Aug 2, 2023
- 41
I have a goal that if I fail to achieve, I will commit suicide. I've just realized the goal is more than likely impossible. So, I'm going to die.
Sure, I tried, and I did good for a bit, but the slightest change threw everything off. Right as it's starting to go right it all goes wrong. Like a pendulum. Except the minimum point of its swing is suffering. My experiences all average to suffering. Does it really matter that it's good sometimes? I hate when things get good because it means it's about to get that much worse. It makes it hard to enjoy the good times, hard to be determined knowing that it's just going to go back.
And if it goes back, I'll kill myself.
So, I'm going to die.
Not soon, but I will. I do hope it will be at my own hands. I want to kill the person that I am. I want to be the one to do it. I want to exert this little bit of control, this little bit of anger on an uncaring world. I don't care if the only people it hurts are the few who do care, anything to make this fucked up world come just a little bit closer to understanding what it's done to me.
Or maybe I'll just get hit by a car one day and die from that, it doesn't really matter.
Either way, I'm going to die.
Sure, I tried, and I did good for a bit, but the slightest change threw everything off. Right as it's starting to go right it all goes wrong. Like a pendulum. Except the minimum point of its swing is suffering. My experiences all average to suffering. Does it really matter that it's good sometimes? I hate when things get good because it means it's about to get that much worse. It makes it hard to enjoy the good times, hard to be determined knowing that it's just going to go back.
And if it goes back, I'll kill myself.
So, I'm going to die.
Not soon, but I will. I do hope it will be at my own hands. I want to kill the person that I am. I want to be the one to do it. I want to exert this little bit of control, this little bit of anger on an uncaring world. I don't care if the only people it hurts are the few who do care, anything to make this fucked up world come just a little bit closer to understanding what it's done to me.
Or maybe I'll just get hit by a car one day and die from that, it doesn't really matter.
Either way, I'm going to die.
