Just needed to talk (please, someone)

[swanchild]

So I'm very likely going to follow through with my plan, which I will keep intentionally vague because I don't want my last time on this earth to be me sharing something that could cause harm to someone else. It's bad enough that I'm doing this to my family and friends.

I've spent the day writing notes. My question is do you think it's appropriate to give a note to a nurse who helped me? I just wanted to thank her for the empathy she showed me and for making me feel safe. I will leave it in an envelope at home for my family to give to her. But I don't want to traumatize her out of the mental health field or cross any boundaries.

Also, I'm scared. I'm scared of the afterlife. I just want peace. Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Infinitespace_]

Yes I'm sure she would love the note.

The afterlife? You will be dying in unconsciousness so u won't know what happened to you so it's either a forever sleep or a short sleep that allows your consciousness to enter another womb.

 

[drag201]

I hope you're doing okay. I think it would be very thoughtful to give something to the nurse, as a way of letting her know you appreciated her helping you and making you feel better when things were hard. If you're worried about it affecting her, I think it just depends on what you will write. If you just want to say thank you, I don't think its innapropriate.
As for the afterlife, I think that no matter what your beliefs on it are, it will definitely be more peaceful than this world. There won't be any physical or emotional pain, since you'll just lose your consciousness.
If you decide to go through with this, I hope everything goes well and you are able to find peace on the other side. Take care

 

[swanchild]

Yes I'm sure she would love the note.

The afterlife? You will be dying in unconsciousness so u won't know what happened to you so it's either a forever sleep or a short sleep that allows your consciousness to enter another womb.

I've seen spirits before and have had dreams from departed loved ones. I truly believe there's something else. I just hope it's a place of love and healing

I hope you're doing okay. I think it would be very thoughtful to give something to the nurse, as a way of letting her know you appreciated her helping you and making you feel better when things were hard. If you're worried about it affecting her, I think it just depends on what you will write. If you just want to say thank you, I don't think its innapropriate.
As for the afterlife, I think that no matter what your beliefs on it are, it will definitely be more peaceful than this world. There won't be any physical or emotional pain, since you'll just lose your consciousness.
If you decide to go through with this, I hope everything goes well and you are able to find peace on the other side. Take care

I wrote a little bit about how I was feeling but that she made me feel safe and I appreciated her empathy. And thanked her of course. And expressed that I wanted to do this for a long time so nothing could have stopped me.

I hope to God it's more peaceful, I've suffered enough. Thank you, that was beautiful of you to put my mind at ease.

I hope it works out. I'll update tomorrow if not but if I don't, then I'm probably gone.
If anyone wants to chat I'll be online for a while. It'd be nice to have some understanding before I go
Just three more letters to write

 

[drag201]

I've seen spirits before and have had dreams from departed loved ones. I truly believe there's something else. I just hope it's a place of love and healing

I wrote a little bit about how I was feeling but that she made me feel safe and I appreciated her empathy. And thanked her of course. And expressed that I wanted to do this for a long time so nothing could have stopped me.

I hope to God it's more peaceful, I've suffered enough. Thank you, that was beautiful of you to put my mind at ease.

I hope it works out. I'll update tomorrow if not but if I don't, then I'm probably gone.
If anyone wants to chat I'll be online for a while. It'd be nice to have some understanding before I go

It definitely is a better place. I think about this a lot and I have no doubt what is waiting for us on the other side will be kinder than here. It's really nice of you to have written it and it looks like you wrote it in a beautiful way where you just thanked her for being there for you. I just saw this now but if you ever end up coming here again and want to talk about everything you can pm me and I'll gladly listen.

 

[seraph189]

I believe that the notes you leave behind are one of the most important things you can put your time into, especially as they will be a part of you that remains. They will be read time and time again, sentiments of what you were. The nurse will likely hold on to that note for the rest of her days, I think it is a nice sentiment. Regarding the afterlife? I think everyone has the same fears when CTB'ing, I've been seriously thinking about my own journey. The thought of what happens afterwards is the most scariest part to consider, I believe that once you let go you won't be so afraid. I don't think feelings will really play a part anymore and everything will be.. free

 

[swanchild]

Notes are done. I expected them to be lengthy and emotional but they weren't really. I just told everyone I loved them and what I loved about them and the impacts they've had on my life. And made little references to jokes to keep it light. It also made me realize how many people I love.

I can't believe I'm actually doing this. It feels surreal. Only a couple days ago I tried to overdose and failed. This time I should be successful.

 

[picklealex]

i wish the absolute best for you. i hope you will be at peace, i think a note would be nice, i plan to write notes too.

 

[seraph189]

Please think deeply on this before you commit wholeheartedly, make sure this is a truly what your heart and mind desire. Maybe you should write a PS in your letters explaining how it wasn't XYZ fault also, so they may never blame themselves.

 

[swanchild]

Please think deeply on this before you commit wholeheartedly, make sure this is a truly what your heart and mind desire. Maybe you should write a PS in your letters explaining how it wasn't XYZ fault also, so they may never blame themselves.

I've done that, and yeah I'm scared because if I do it there's no undoing it. I'm just tired of my life and don't see it ever getting any better. Mental illness runs in my family so I'm hoping they will understand
My biggest fear is someone finding me while I'm doing what I'm doing. I can't go anywhere more private than where I'm going but there's still houses around. So I'm waiting until it's late to go
I also always wanted to go this way for a really long time so I'm content with my choice as far as methods go.

 

[seraph189]

If your mind is made up then it cannot be helped, please deeply think once more before you do I hope it is painless, I hope it feels like a slumber of which you will wake up and be somewhere that truly feels like home

 

[swanchild]

Struggling to stay awake which is literally my main problem when it comes to CTB lol I literally set alarms and sleep through them and then it's too late.

Had some benzos and some wine snoooore