Venting just need that push

[chicanocompost]

i hate everything about this existence and the way i feel trapped in my skin but i just can't bring myself to actually ctb.
i fantasize abt it everyday and have recurring fantasies and plans that i play out to myself but i also have a depressed alcoholic father and girlfriend who are relying on me to pick myself up and actually do smth with myself, but in all honesty i just can't find the drive or motivation within myself to keep that up either.
I feel like I'm constantly stuck in a limbo where i plan my own death everyday at the cost of having no plans for the future, even when it's facing directly at me
i just need one last push that'll allow me to overlook everything, i hate being stuck here but i stay anyway

 

[dopaminedeath]

well some anti depressants have warning for causing suicidal ideation and there's talk about people attempting after getting on them. Like they give you energy too so that's a boost to taking action on your thoughts. Just depends which way that energy is directed.
Personally Wellbutrin made me hypomanic and suicidal both times I tried; though I didn't stay on it long enough to complete the act cause it was causing terrible acne.

 

[chicanocompost]

well some anti depressants have warning for causing suicidal ideation and there's talk about people attempting after getting on them. Like they give you energy too so that's a boost to taking action on your thoughts. Just depends which way that energy is directed.
Personally Wellbutrin made me hypomanic and suicidal both times I tried; though I didn't stay on it long enough to complete the act cause it was causing terrible acne.

never had access to anti depressants due to living with a conservative dad who doesn't believe in professional help lmao, just a lot of bedrotting