mor1T3
New Member
- Mar 24, 2024
- 4
I guess im just posting here to get get it off out. Normally i would just write some shit down in a journal or sum but idk i feel like venting here today. So, this is not the first time posting sum here, a couple month back i talked about finelly wanting to go throw with it and all but i failed. I hate myself for not doing it. For maybe a year now kms has been the main thing on my mind. No matter what happens or what changes or whatever I always end up on a day like this where i would like nothing more then to just stop existing but still I am just not able to kms. I cannot do it. And its so strange bc im done with all the bs. For so many reasons and events and whatever and this and that im just done with life. But i cant end it. And i dont know what to do and i dont know if i could get help and im getting desperate. And ive had monologues like this for hours and i always come to the same solution and i dont get why im still going on. And i do everything self destructive you could imagine and for some reson im still stable enough to mask that shit to that i dont come off like i depression or something like that and that i dont have severe anxietys were i cant do shit and i never feel fine and i just lie and everyone thinks im just lazy and bit wierd but really im fucked and i dont know how to really act normal or be normal and i just hope that i can kms soon and be done with it but im scared that it will be this on off typa shit forever were im just doing well enough and masking it well enough to not die.
