Just in pain

[BipolarGuy]

I'm just in so much pain I don't even want to talk, in case this pain overflows on to others.

If anyone knows Letze's setup of his equipment I'd very much appreciate it if you would share with me in PM.

I would like to go ahead with it, with the support of people I trust on this site with me.

I have never felt this low.
I wish I went through with it yesterday.

Please do not respond with
"Have you tried this medication?"
"Do you like listening to music?"
"How about meditation!"
.....etc....

 

[Jean Améry]

First you accuse this forum of encouraging people to kill themselves and then you admonish people in the very same forum not to encourage you to live...

It's clear you want to live and you obviously see psychiatry as a possible solution as evidenced by your post about campaigning for more psychiatric services along with a certain group I'll not name yet you'd rather die than seek out said services? You're clearly not in a rational state of mind. Not long ago you claimed you wanted to 'construct a life' if I recall correctly.

Contrary to what you think this is a pro choice forum so it's your decision either way but based on your own words on this forum it's probably not a bad idea to consult a professional to see what could be done. If need be you could go to the nearest ER: if you say you're suicidal they should be obligated by law to take care of you.

The best of luck with whatever you decide.

 

[BipolarGuy]

First you accuse this forum of encouraging people to kill themselves and then you admonish people in the very same forum not to encourage you to live...

It's clear you want to live and you obviously see psychiatry as a possible solution as evidenced by your post about campaigning for more psychiatric services along with a certain group I'll not name yet you'd rather die than seek out said services? You're clearly not in a rational state of mind. Not long ago you claimed you wanted to 'construct a life' if I recall correctly.

Contrary to what you think this is a pro choice forum so it's your decision either way but based on your own words on this forum it's probably not a bad idea to consult a professional to see what could be done. If need be you could go to the nearest ER: if you say you're suicidal they should be obligated by law to take care of you.

The best of luck with whatever you decide.

I didn't accuse EVERYONE in this forum, or this forum as a WHOLE, of doing anything, nor have I ever.
So I'm afraid you're just wrong there.

You are right though, I am in crisis at the moment.

I'm going to spend today drinking a cider while watching Mercedes round up the constructor's championship.

 

[AJ95]

You seem to be really struggling at the moment :(

It might be a good idea to try and take a break from the forum for a few hours or the rest of the day, get outside and go for a walk if you can.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

You are right though, I am in crisis at the moment.

That is most certainly not the state in which you should be planning to CTB.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Feels bad man, life is just a whole load of pain tbh

 

[signifying nothing]

If you're able I'd like to know more about the pain you're experiencing. Can you describe it, what's it like? Please don't feel like you have to hold onto it to protect others.

 

[BipolarGuy]

If you're able I'd like to know more about the pain you're experiencing. Can you describe it, what's it like? Please don't feel like you have to hold onto it to protect others.

The worst pain I've ever felt.
Like I truly don't belong here, like I'm not built for this world or society.

 

[albino_elk]

Go to the monks and stay there. I would if i could. Society sucks shit

 

[BipolarGuy]

If you're able I'd like to know more about the pain you're experiencing. Can you describe it, what's it like? Please don't feel like you have to hold onto it to protect others.

I'm back home now and so I can write a better answer.

I feel that my priorities are different to societies' priorities.

I prioritise people over money, for instance, whereas money is a man-made invention but society prioritises people's ability to pay over actually helping people.

Anyone speaks out about this and they'll be called "socialist" by one side or "mad" by the other - because society also prioritises political motivation over just helping other human beings.
Everything that you do, say, think or feel is put down to some political ideology or motivation, and I'm fed up with it.

Bureaucracy is also prioritised over actually doing something practical, in any situation.
Rather than actually just doing something, people consider what the ramifications might be, most notably in the health service or public sector as a whole.

You've then got people in charge who decide how much the people who they work for (us!) are going to pay them, while also deciding how much help the people they work for should be given.

Society is fucked!

But I feel when I'mlike this it is difficult for me to control my emotions, at least in the sense that I'm less patient with people.

 

[signifying nothing]

It sounds like you need to find ways to remove your support for the things that you think are harmful to you/to people in general.

Try testing your needs. What do you have and do that is really necessary, and what helps perpetuate the fucked up elements of the society you talk about?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I feel quite similar, to be honest — the worst pain of my life — so I have some sense of what your brain, heart, and body might be feeling right now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I wish I could be there with you to bring you comfort in these trying moments — at least whatever comfort is possible when all seems lost. Know that we are here for you in whatever way we can be. Sending virtual hugs.

 

[BipolarGuy]

It sounds like you need to find ways to remove your support for the things that you think are harmful to you/to people in general.

Try testing your needs. What do you have and do that is really necessary, and what helps perpetuate the fucked up elements of the society you talk about?

Unfortunately I'm not in a position such that I am able to make a difference.

In fact, I hurt people when I'm like this myself.

 

[signifying nothing]

Then do what you can do, rage, struggle with the pain. Or perhaps try embracing it if its truly a part of you, try to understand it better within you, don't push it outside as a problem you can do nothing about.

It sounds like you need to find ways to remove your support for the things that you think are harmful to you/to people in general.

Try testing your needs. What do you have and do that is really necessary, and what helps perpetuate the fucked up elements of the society you talk about?

I'm suggesting little things you can do by the way. You mention bureaucracy for example. That makes me think of paper pushers, forms, documents. So what paperwork do you hold on to that you could do without? Get rid of it, tear it up.

Labels on things is supporting consumerism, advertising.

How many bank accounts, online accounts, credit and store cards do you have? Again these support a capitalist, consumer society.

Everything we have in our homes and our connections in the world implicitly affects how we feel and experience.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i know how you feel. every moment is pure misery. the moment i get what i need, i'm gone.

 

[BipolarGuy]

i know how you feel. every moment is pure misery. the moment i get what i need, i'm gone.

I should have done this weeks ago.
Now, because of pissing around, I've had to order more SN.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I should have done this weeks ago.
Now, because of pissing around, I've had to order more SN.

What happened to the last batch? Did it expire?

 

[NightmareTour]

I completely get the feeling of seeing just how thoroughly fucked up society is, and not being able to change it. The most selfish of human beings seem to be the ones who end up in power, and they encourage everyone else to be selfish too. Everything is run based on how much something costs and how much money it will make, not who it will hurt or help. Everyone pretends that empathy is the default in people, but it's really not. Hardly anyone seems to be empathetic at all. In fact, empathy seems to put people at a massive disadvantage in society, because people use it against you.

It just feels like no matter how much any of us try to stand up against it and make a difference, there will be hundreds of times more people fighting back because they either benefit from this system, or have been brainwashed into thinking they do. To them, genuinely caring about other people is "socialist" and therefore bad. Fighting back is just so hard, and feels so pointless when it only seems to get worse.