Venting Just hate myself, i need venting.

[Eren]

The reasons why I want CTB is simply that I do not like how I am in several aspects, for example I have a hard time concentrating and everything costs me 10 times more, I feel retarted (sorry if I offend someone, it is not my intention)

I do not fit in with anyone, I am totally socially useless, I am not diagnosed but I have always thought that I could have asperger, I practically do not have friends and I can not relate to others in a normal way, also for different reasons (which I do not want to comment right now) I can not have a partner, I am limited to live forever alone (apart from my parents, grandparents etc ...), I see how the people around me have a normal social life, have friends, couple, get married have children etc. and it devastates me to know that I will never approach something like that.

All these "problems" I have always, it is not something new that has to "fix", I know they do not seem "good reasons" for my CTB but I really hate living like this, and every time it will get worse as more and more I will be more old and every time it will be noticed more that I am a weirdo.

Is it really absurd to commit suicide for that? I do not really want to live like that, I do not want to, I have no illusion for anything. What prevents me from doing it is knowing that my parents would suffer a lot, they are not bad parents and they do not deserve it, but I can not stand to live.

 

[Xerxes]

I felt the same way. I lacked connection with other humans, so I couldn't get a support system, I couldn't socialize properly or get with the status quo when it came to communicating. Everything felt forced and fake. I can talk business and work my way into a decent job, but outside of that, I'm not that great. There is no fix, just involving yourself over and over through the painful trials. Talking makes me exhausted, meeting people, especially new people feels unnatural to me. I wish I had the social aptitude like I do online.

 

[Eren]

I felt the same way. I lacked connection with other humans, so I couldn't get a support system, I couldn't socialize properly or get with the status quo when it came to communicating. Everything felt forced and fake. I can talk business and work my way into a decent job, but outside of that, I'm not that great. There is no fix, just involving yourself over and over through the painful trials. Talking makes me exhausted, meeting people, especially new people feels unnatural to me. I wish I had the social aptitude like I do online.

I feel the same.

 

[Jodes]

I really feel for you. Was in a aimilar position maybe. It's hard for me to say anything else, I guess cos Im so pessimistic about my life. But ill just tell you this: getting a gf / family / etc has absolutely no guarantee of making you happy. It might well do! But now I have an amazing gf, I know I'd devastate her if I go. I don't enjoy this position, it's fucking hard to admit you partly regret meeting the person you've fallen in love with - especially because you're essentially about to reject life, which includes her.

 

[SiArc]

I felt the same way. I lacked connection with other humans, so I couldn't get a support system, I couldn't socialize properly or get with the status quo when it came to communicating. Everything felt forced and fake. I can talk business and work my way into a decent job, but outside of that, I'm not that great. There is no fix, just involving yourself over and over through the painful trials. Talking makes me exhausted, meeting people, especially new people feels unnatural to me. I wish I had the social aptitude like I do online.

Ditto here.

 

[15dec]

I know how you're feeling. I struggle to make connections with people but I'm lucky in the sense that I have a few. My social issues come from the fact everyone has people they prefer to me and I'm just kind of 'there'. I'm also just aware that I make people unhappy because of my depression and that nobody really wants to deal with it and I'm not prepared to carry that with me and burden anyone in the future. It probably sounds silly but it bothers me. But like Jodes said having an amazing social life, a girlfriend, family etc doesn't necessarily make you happier. When I was with my ex (who is an amazing, supportive person) I still felt depressed and suicidal. Sending you hugs

 

[Eren]

Thank you for your messages, I know that having a social life is not a guarantee of being happy, but we are social beings, I can not stand living that way, I hate being this way.

 

[Jodes]

we are social beings, I can not stand living that way,

Agreed - it is not tolerable

 

[Jodes]

You might still get what you want, new meds come out all the time, you also sound optimistic and hopeful so I hope you wont CTB - you also have the aptitude to find people that are a match for you. You jyst need that little (big) something, waiting a bit might bring enough "life" into your "choice" equation.

 

[Eren]

You might still get what you want, new meds come out all the time, you also sound optimistic and hopeful so I hope you wont CTB - you also have the aptitude to find people that are a match for you. You jyst need that little (big) something, waiting a bit might bring enough "life" into your "choice" equation.

A medication is not going to change my way of being, I am like that forever.

 

[therhydler]

No reason for ctb is absurd. Although I feel like mine is completely absurd and I hate myself for the fact that I cannot just live normally like most people in my situation would probably be able to. But I remind myself that I have no control over how my mind functions, I have no control over my past, over how I was brought up and so on. I did not even choose to exist.

I have the same parent dilemma. It's horrible. But I really can't help not being able to stand living any more. I feel for you.

 

[Eren]

No reason for ctb is absurd. Although I feel like mine is completely absurd and I hate myself for the fact that I cannot just live normally like most people in my situation would probably be able to. But I remind myself that I have no control over how my mind functions, I have no control over my past, over how I was brought up and so on. I did not even choose to exist.

I have the same parent dilemma. It's horrible. But I really can't help not being able to stand living any more. I feel for you.

It seems that we are in the same situation, or at least a similar situation, I feel for you, hugs.

 

[Jodes]

A medication is not going to change my way of being, I am like that forever.

That depends on what traits you're talking about - yes, maybe, but it doesn't matter, as long as you are willing to try. Unless you know otherwise the statistics say so :) Personally I no longer am. But I'm a lazy spoilt brat etc etc rtc

 

[Eren]

That depends on what traits you're talking about - yes, maybe, but it doesn't matter, as long as you are willing to try. Unless you know otherwise the statistics say so :) Personally I no longer am. But I'm a lazy spoilt brat etc etc rtc

The medication is not going to make me a "normal social person" xd

 

[Jodes]

The medication is not going to make me a "normal social person" xd

No it wont fix everything but obviously many/most people settle with what they have - and they dont see it as settling either. Arguably that just needs a single switch in your brain to be flipped

 

[Eren]

No it wont fix everything but obviously many/most people settle with what they have - and they dont see it as settling either. Arguably that just needs a single switch in your brain to be flipped

But I do not like to be like that, I can not stand being like this, the medication will do so much that "I do not mind being like this" nothing more. I hate to know that my future is to be alone.

 

[Jodes]

But I do not like to be like that, I can not stand being like this, the medication will do so much that "I do not mind being like this" nothing more. I hate to know that my future is to be alone.

It won't be, not if you don't want it to be. Everyone needs someone

 

[Tyuiop]

I agree with Jodes here. There are people just as lonely as you, you just have to find them. And it is very sad to see you hating yourself. It's this world that is bad, not you.

 

[Eren]

I agree with Jodes here. There are people just as lonely as you, you just have to find them. And it is very sad to see you hating yourself. It's this world that is bad, not you.

Thanks, hugs.

 

[Xerxes]

Medicines won't change your personality or who you are. I believe that experience can make things better, or make you a vengeful cynic that views the world in grey. Whatever the outcome is, trying to be accepting of who you are and not compare yourself to others. Hard to do, but only way to cope with this world until we CTB.

 

[Vegrau]

The reasons why I want CTB is simply that I do not like how I am in several aspects, for example I have a hard time concentrating and everything costs me 10 times more, I feel retarted (sorry if I offend someone, it is not my intention)

I do not fit in with anyone, I am totally socially useless, I am not diagnosed but I have always thought that I could have asperger, I practically do not have friends and I can not relate to others in a normal way, also for different reasons (which I do not want to comment right now) I can not have a partner, I am limited to live forever alone (apart from my parents, grandparents etc ...), I see how the people around me have a normal social life, have friends, couple, get married have children etc. and it devastates me to know that I will never approach something like that.

All these "problems" I have always, it is not something new that has to "fix", I know they do not seem "good reasons" for my CTB but I really hate living like this, and every time it will get worse as more and more I will be more old and every time it will be noticed more that I am a weirdo.

Is it really absurd to commit suicide for that? I do not really want to live like that, I do not want to, I have no illusion for anything. What prevents me from doing it is knowing that my parents would suffer a lot, they are not bad parents and they do not deserve it, but I can not stand to live.

As for your reason for to die. Well any reasons is valid. Since we cannot judge you for that. No one can. You decide it yourself. As for your parents you can either talk to them about it. Get diagnose. Since you said theyre good parents. They must have care for you in order for you to say that. If youre unsure about your reason. Then its better you make sure. This is not something to be taken half heartedly after all.

 

[Eren]

Thanks for the messages.

 

[azucaramargo]

The reasons why I want CTB is simply that I do not like how I am in several aspects, for example I have a hard time concentrating and everything costs me 10 times more, I feel retarted (sorry if I offend someone, it is not my intention)

I do not fit in with anyone, I am totally socially useless, I am not diagnosed but I have always thought that I could have asperger, I practically do not have friends and I can not relate to others in a normal way, also for different reasons (which I do not want to comment right now) I can not have a partner, I am limited to live forever alone (apart from my parents, grandparents etc ...), I see how the people around me have a normal social life, have friends, couple, get married have children etc. and it devastates me to know that I will never approach something like that.

All these "problems" I have always, it is not something new that has to "fix", I know they do not seem "good reasons" for my CTB but I really hate living like this, and every time it will get worse as more and more I will be more old and every time it will be noticed more that I am a weirdo.

Is it really absurd to commit suicide for that? I do not really want to live like that, I do not want to, I have no illusion for anything. What prevents me from doing it is knowing that my parents would suffer a lot, they are not bad parents and they do not deserve it, but I can not stand to live.

Eren, you are very smart. And, I really doubt you are socially useless. You are so kind on this forum: asking everyone questions, etc. Are you a student? Do you live far from your family? I also see my peers with families, and I get sad, too. Why do you assume you will never have that for yourself? You and I can get married. :)

 

[Eren]

Eren, you are very smart. And, I really doubt you are socially useless. You are so kind on this forum: asking everyone questions, etc. Are you a student? Do you live far from your family? I also see my peers with families, and I get sad, too. Why do you assume you will never have that for yourself? You and I can get married. :)

I live with my family and right now I do not have a job, I really feel like a loser.

 

[Severen]

I live with my family and right now I do not have a job, I really feel like a loser.

And slaving away for some asshole and giving a large percentage of the money you made slaving away to a landLORD is being a winner? LOL

 

[azucaramargo]

Eren, you are very smart. And, I really doubt you are socially useless. You are so kind on this forum: asking everyone questions, etc. Are you a student? Do you live far from your family? I also see my peers with families, and I get sad, too. Why do you assume you will never have that for yourself? You and I can get married. :)

I'm in the same boat, Eren: living with my family, feeling like a loser, but for some reason, I am pretty sure that you are cool. You are very kind on this forum! Very social! And, smart! You know what my dream is? That the jobless people on this forum could start our own company. I don't know what we'd do, but I would just love to work with people like you, and others on this site.

 

[Eren]

I'm in the same boat, Eren: living with my family, feeling like a loser, but for some reason, I am pretty sure that you are cool. You are very kind on this forum! Very social! And, smart! You know what my dream is? That the jobless people on this forum could start our own company. I don't know what we'd do, but I would just love to work with people like you, and others on this site.

Oh, thank you very much, I would like it too.

 

[azucaramargo]

And slaving away for some asshole and giving a large percentage of the money you made slaving away to a landLORD is being a winner? LOL

This was a really cool thing to say, Severen. You're aces in my book.