Just got my SN, feeling really anxious for some reasons…

[Akanea]

I thought that having a quick way out would calm me down but it is stressing me out, it's on my table, tempting me to just end the shame, the suffering, the anguish. Knowing that I'm one or two teaspoons away from the end make me anxious. I still don't have antiemetic but I should get them soon. Getting ready if my life doesn't brighten up in the near future…
i feel so bad for the pain that my family will endure, I love them. So so so much even if I don't say it often. I don't know if I'm going to end it at home or at my Job after work hour

 

[Tired2000]

Would you mind pming me who your supplier was? Would be willing to help and share antiemetic if possible

 

[Darkover]

where abouts are you from in the world i am in the uk looking for a source of sn

 

[Akanea]

Would you mind pming me who your supplier was? Would be willing to help and share antiemetic if possible

where abouts are you from in the world i am in the uk looking for a source of sn

France. Can't PM you tired 2000 not enough messages

 

[Tired2000]

France. Can't PM you tired 2000 not enough messages

Damn, I'm in the US. I'm new to the site and didn't realize there was a message quota. Will try to write more messages on other posts. Would you be ok if I circled back around afterwords?

 

[Akanea]

Damn, I'm in the US. I'm new to the site and didn't realize there was a message quota. Will try to write more messages on other posts. Would you be ok if I circled back around afterwords?

Sure

 

[bky]

I totaly get how you feel... am sure your family will understand your reasons or you can spare them and disappear for them and do it somewhere far enough away that they won't know if someone finds your body

 

[Akanea]

I totaly get how you feel... am sure your family will understand your reasons or you can spare them and disappear for them and do it somewhere far enough away that they won't know if someone finds your body

Not really feasible, only idea to disappear would be jumping in the sea but even that you often have bodies going back to the beach… I think I will leave them a letter telling them how much I love them but cannot go on anymore.

 

[bky]

Not really feasible, only idea to disappear would be jumping in the sea but even that you often have bodies going back to the beach… I think I will leave them a letter telling them how much I love them but cannot go on anymore.

that is probably the best thing you can do if you want to be honest with them for a last time, at least they deserve to know what happened to you...

 

[captinman]

how are you making yourself disappear if your doing a SN?

 

[bky]

how are you making yourself disappear if your doing a SN?

do you want to disappear?

 

[Akanea]

how are you making yourself disappear if your doing a SN?

i'm not, I'll do it in my bed most likely. Disappearing would be great if I could though, maybe it is easier on the famil, I don't know

 

[bluebird16]

I thought that having a quick way out would calm me down but it is stressing me out, it's on my table, tempting me to just end the shame, the suffering, the anguish. Knowing that I'm one or two teaspoons away from the end make me anxious. I still don't have antiemetic but I should get them soon. Getting ready if my life doesn't brighten up in the near future…
i feel so bad for the pain that my family will endure, I love them. So so so much even if I don't say it often. I don't know if I'm going to end it at home or at my Job after work hour

Could you please PM me the source??

 

[Akanea]

Could you please PM me the source??

Yeah sure

 

[bky]

i'm not, I'll do it in my bed most likely. Disappearing would be great if I could though, maybe it is easier on the famil, I don't know

Disappearing is much more work and planing which means more chance to fail, i think it would be best for you just to do it when you feel like you are ready

Yeah sure

And can you also PM me a sorce?

 

[Akanea]

Disappearing is much more work and planing which means more chance to fail, i think it would be best for you just to do it when you feel like you are ready

Exactly, waiting for the right time

 

[dimstar]

Exactly, waiting for the right time

I've been sitting on my sn for awhile now. Have the full set up ae, benzos a every random thing I could think of. Just waiting for the moment to feel right and go off peacefully with the best chance to be my only attempt. I think I'll know when that is, just wait until it feels certain then it can be a perfect moment of peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think that those who managed to obtain SN in a world where it's becoming more and more difficult to access certainly are so fortunate. I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Akanea]

I personally think that those who managed to obtain SN in a world where it's becoming more and more difficult to access certainly are so fortunate. I wish you the best with your plans.

Yes didn't expect to get it easily in Europe, thought it would be way harder here than some less regulated places

 

[ToTheTwillight]

I'm having the same issues around now, I manage to get the needed supplies and now it's nerve wrecking. The idea of proceeding with this is kinda scary, and I feel bad about those being affected.

 

[Avalanche81]

Yeah just got my SN as well. I'm in the US. Same here it's like I'm ready to do it but haven't done so yet.

Don't know why im nervous to. Attempted once before so not sure why this is harder for me.

 

[Embalmer]

Yeah sure

can u pm me the source as well?

 

[Robineas]

Can you please PM me the source? :)

 

[N0FWayIneedtogo]

Hello, can u pls PM the source too

 

[ayb]

I thought that having a quick way out would calm me down but it is stressing me out, it's on my table, tempting me to just end the shame, the suffering, the anguish. Knowing that I'm one or two teaspoons away from the end make me anxious. I still don't have antiemetic but I should get them soon. Getting ready if my life doesn't brighten up in the near future…
i feel so bad for the pain that my family will endure, I love them. So so so much even if I don't say it often. I don't know if I'm going to end it at home or at my Job after work hour

With all due respect: if you're having doubts then don't CTB. It's supposed to be a last option after you've truly exhausted everything else. Seek help first. CTB will always exist.

 

[RobZed]

Hey i dont wanna be one of those "dont do it" nerds who then proceeds to do fuckall to help. So;

You wanna chat? Or game? Im on xbox if you wanna play some games. If youre running from a toxic situation ive got an extra room if you need a place to crash. Got a nice view of the mountains and a dope 4k Tv. Hit me up if you need some support!

 

[egionesco]

i'm not, I'll do it in my bed most likely. Disappearing would be great if I could though, maybe it is easier on the famil, I don't know

Disappearing without a trace is much tougher on the family. Don't do that. If you mean you don't want any of them to go through discovering your body, yes, that's probably better if it's doable.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

With all due respect: if you're having doubts then don't CTB. It's supposed to be a last option after you've truly exhausted everything else. Seek help first. CTB will always exist.

I have to disagree because I think as much as anyone believes they are ready to CTB, it's much harder to grasp as a real thing in itself because the nerves and the "what-ifs" will always be there even if we've best prepared for it. I mean, I think about all the people who did nearly ctb but were found in time or they prepared to the best of their ability and yet, nothing happened. It's the thing with SN, some described it as peaceful with mild but manageable discomfort while others had great stomach pain, their SI amplified by the state of panic they were in thanks to thier rapid heart rate which is not easy to contend, trust me I know through experience. So I don't think we should always come to the conclusion that just because someone is having doubts, it means that they aren't ready to CTB and need to seek help first which isn't a bad thing but the doubts will always be there, no matter how many reassurances we look for in methods, whether it's seeing successful ctb cases that didn't completely follow protocol but didn't deviate too much from it or anything to make the process easier to contend with the enormity of the task ahead.

So, I don't think it necessarily means you aren't ready, it just means that it's yet another reason why CTB is harder than people like to think, you'll never be truly ready because this is you taking your own life away after all which is already a very difficult decision to make, let alone plan it to be as effective as possible to see it through.

 

[Akanea]

With all due respect: if you're having doubts then don't CTB. It's supposed to be a last option after you've truly exhausted everything else. Seek help first. CTB will always exist.

Yeah I'm not CTB in the very near future, I just wanted to have a painless way to go at my disposal if my life continues to go downhill

 

[N0FWayIneedtogo]

Hello, can u pls send me a source so i can order too..