Venting "Just get over it"

[Worthless_nobody]

It's really upsetting when some of my family members tell me to "just get over" my trauma, depression and mental issues because others do or other people might have it worse. That's like saying just because others have it better they shouldn't be happy. It's so invalidating and dismissive of my pain. Everyone processes trauma differently, everyone grieves differently. I cannot simply get over everything that's happened to me... believe me I have tried many things and I would if I could. I'm trapped in a terrible brain prison, I would give anything to go back to pre trauma days. I seriously wish half my memory could be wiped or at the very least my situation could improve.

It's also upsetting when people tell me to get over my physical pain and act like I'm putting on or exaggerating... yes I really want to feel bad every day and I totally injured my back on purpose...sigh. just venting

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My dad said that to me a million times. Always very sharply. It reveals a lot about him. And of course whenever he said it, it was a denial of support.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

people who think you can just "get over" trauma are the worst. do they not know the definition of trauma? i don't think anybody would traumatize themselves on purpose.

 

[whywere]

OMG! You and I are 100% the same. I have 24/7 chronic pain from a car crash. NOT my fault, I was driving south and another person was driving east and he drove right through the stop sign, he did not even slow down. There is a walking path right there and alot of people saw the crash. NOW add on depression, border line personality disorder and other things and bang that is me. With all that said, I do not know you, BUT I love you as a global family member here on sanctioned suicide and I am so sorry for your pain and that other people are so indifferent. I to have had so many people tell me to :just get over the pain". Like you they think/thought that I am faking it. You and me have so much in common as far as you are the best! You have absolutely have so much to give to all of us here as a global family member and to everyone that try not to listen, yes it is hard, I am there everyday, and know that you are loved, you are special to so many people. you bring a special quality to the table of life, and I am honored to be able to get to know you here on sanctioned suicide. Love and peace to you my great friend!!!!

 

[profoundexperience]

My dad said that to me a million times.

My dad = exactly the same. Once, he said to me, "I know 'the solution' to 'your situation', @profoundexperience... you need to just stop feeling the feelings you're feeling." He actually said that!

Part of me would really like to put in my suicide note, "If you're feeling grief over my killing myself... I know the solution... you need just stop feeling the feelings you're feeling." I.e., physician heal thyself. Luckily I'm not that cruel.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

My dad said that to me a million times. Always very sharply. It reveals a lot about him. And of course whenever he said it, it was a denial of support.

My dad is the one in my family who says that to me too. It's just so disheartening because I have tried and tried to get on better terms with him but he just doesn't even try to understand. He just tells me I'm "too emotional" and I need to just stop being immature and lazy because depression is immature and lazy to him apparently. Sending hugs. It's so hard to have an unsupportive parent.

OMG! You and I are 100% the same. I have 24/7 chronic pain from a car crash. NOT my fault, I was driving south and another person was driving east and he drove right through the stop sign, he did not even slow down. There is a walking path right there and alot of people saw the crash. NOW add on depression, border line personality disorder and other things and bang that is me. With all that said, I do not know you, BUT I love you as a global family member here on sanctioned suicide and I am so sorry for your pain and that other people are so indifferent. I to have had so many people tell me to :just get over the pain". Like you they think/thought that I am faking it. You and me have so much in common as far as you are the best! You have absolutely have so much to give to all of us here as a global family member and to everyone that try not to listen, yes it is hard, I am there everyday, and know that you are loved, you are special to so many people. you bring a special quality to the table of life, and I am honored to be able to get to know you here on sanctioned suicide. Love and peace to you my great friend!!!!

Hi friend. Thanks for the kind reply it means a lot to me. I'm so sorry your in pain and suffering from a car accident. Gosh that's so terrible how something like that can change people's lives forever and it was completely out of our control. After I was in a car accident I didn't want to drive ever again...and I really never do anymore. And I fell down concrete stairs and my ex boyfriend was physically abusive so I go through knee and jaw pain too...yet people think I'm "faking it". My old job was going to fire me over missing days because i never felt good I quit before they did though and I'm still unemployed). It's so hard when no one understands pain and suffering we go through daily. I also have borderline personality and that's just another misunderstood mental issue I have that people think I can just turn off or stop being that way magically. Sending you hugs and much love. ❤

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My dad = exactly the same. Once, he said to me, "I know 'the solution' to 'your situation', @profoundexperience... you need to just stop feeling the feelings you're feeling." He actually said that!

Part of me would really like to put in my suicide note, "If you're feeling grief over my killing myself... I know the solution... you need just stop feeling the feelings you're feeling." I.e., physician heal thyself. Luckily I'm not that cruel.

My Dad's is, "It wasn't that bad!"

I know this is negation and denial and is cruel, but if your dad is anything like mine, this is how they themselves deal. With my dad, it's tons of repression and burying his stuff, very similar to just not feeling (he stops feeling and then tries to bury and forget; I know almost nothing about his childhood). When something comes up like I'm hurting, which makes him feel, and maybe he subconsciously or consciously remembers similar hurt, then he gets sharp and wants that shit immediately shut down. My dad has the emotional intelligence of a child. My mom does, too, only she tends to have rages and tantrums and override boundaries, whereas my dad just can't deal. He explodes with things like, "What do you want me to do about it?" All of these phrases come with emotional explosions, but he's not physically violent like my mom was, it's all about impotence with my dad. He literally doesn't know what to do about anything emotionally challenging. It's easier for him to explode, tell everyone to shut it all off, and then he closes off and goes into freeze out mode. Not surprising that he has an incredibly high tolerance for pain and is also touch averse. Good times.

 

[feast or famine]

It's incredibly disheartening when a loved one says that to you. In the grand scheme of things, I know there's people worse off than me as well as better off. But that doesn't diminish my own struggles in life. Every person's struggles are just as important as the next, regardless of how different they may look.

Struggling to want to stay alive is not something one just "gets over", it's sadly their ignorance towards this subject that keeps them from understanding mental illness. It's people and words like that that still make mental illness a taboo issue.

 

[whywere]

My dad is the one in my family who says that to me too. It's just so disheartening because I have tried and tried to get on better terms with him but he just doesn't even try to understand. He just tells me I'm "too emotional" and I need to just stop being immature and lazy because depression is immature and lazy to him apparently. Sending hugs. It's so hard to have an unsupportive parent.


Hi friend. Thanks for the kind reply it means a lot to me. I'm so sorry your in pain and suffering from a car accident. Gosh that's so terrible how something like that can change people's lives forever and it was completely out of our control. After I was in a car accident I didn't want to drive ever again...and I really never do anymore. And I fell down concrete stairs and my ex boyfriend was physically abusive so I go through knee and jaw pain too...yet people think I'm "faking it". My old job was going to fire me over missing days because i never felt good I quit before they did though and I'm still unemployed). It's so hard when no one understands pain and suffering we go through daily. I also have borderline personality and that's just another misunderstood mental issue I have that people think I can just turn off or stop being that way magically. Sending you hugs and much love. ❤

Hi beautiful friend! Sorry to hear that you were in a crash also. I completely agree about not wanting to drive again. I to have so many people that I run into who think that I am faking it. It makes me so mad. YES to the borderline personality aspect, most people that I bump into think that either it is nothing or jsut turn it off, as you said, and forget about it. That is why I LOVE sanctioned suicide and great friends like you. I finally have found a place where I can call home and know that i love friends here and it comes back around. Thank you for the very kind reply and always know that I am here to help,listen,support great people like you. You have so much to give to this world that you are truly blessed. Friends forever! Love and peace to you.