Venting Just because I have a mental health condition doesn’t mean I’m crazy and can’t logically decide on suicide.

[Brainpain]

I hate how having a mental health condition or illness means we are crazy and can't decide on suicide. People love to say the "depression won" or "he succumbed to his mental illness" or whatever when someone dies by suicide. It makes me sick that these comments are going to be thrown around when I CTB.

First of all I have Bipolar Disorder and sadly am higher functioning on the spectrum but I'll be considered crazy and incapable of making a rational decision. Sure BP is "treatable" but there is absolutely no cure. I have spent 20 years going through the gauntlet of medication and changes and increases. Most of the time the meds are worse than the actual disorder and even a perfectly medicated person will have episodes and eventually need a medication change. There IS NOT CURE. So why isn't mental illness a reason for assisted suicide? Just because I have one doesn't mean I'm never lucid for fucks sake. In fact, I'm mostly "stable" aka not hypomanic or depressed and have been for the last 20 years. Yet when I CTB it's because I wasn't "thinking straight". Bitch I've planned this for years and bought N in 2016.

Too add, the real reason I want to CTB isn't even because of bipolar disorder it's because of chronic pain which is what actually stole my life and happiness. Again there is NO CURE and I have exhausted every treatment to the point all I have left is pain psychologists trying to teach me meditation and to "live with the pain."

But when I die I'm just going to be another sad victim of mental illness who wasn't in their right mind. And society's views on sanctioned suicide will remain forever unchanged.

 

[JimFord99]

, meditation won't help with physical pain. I can see the benefits with mental issues, but not with physical issues. To ease physical pain, only medical or operational treatment can help. Once you are on meds, you will get used to it, then you need to increase the dose. And that is all the docs do for you. Sorry for your condition, buddy. I wish I could have more comforting words, but there are none.

 

[Darkhaven]

I totally agree.
I read an article about some doctors that pointed out that mental health patients should also be considered eligible for assisted suicide just as physical disease patients.
I'd say that it's a lost battle trying to make people see this.

 

[JimFord99]

Depends on your location, here in the UK you get a 10 minute slot with a doctor, no time for proper consultation, so meds will have to do the job. 10 minutes over, out, next patience in, same story again. If one can't diagnose a physical disease in 10 minutes, how can one assess a mental disease. Crazy.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I agree and feel this is a weird form of gaslighting that's put on us. Even in my current non-depressed state, I would still prefer to be dead.

 

[JimFord99]

I agree and feel this is a weird form of gaslighting that's put on us. Even in my current non-depressed state, I would still prefer to be dead.

Glad to hear you still get non- depressed states, wish I would.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Glad to hear you still get non- depressed states, wish I would.

It's taken so much effort: Wellbutrin, psychotherapy, targeting specific thought patterns, exercise, sleep and diet change, refraining from binge drinking, eliminating some responsibilities, etc. I still feel far from happy, though... just not tearful and miserable and resentful every day/thinking of suicide constantly. Able to function normally even if I still don't enjoy things much. Hope you're able to have a break sometime soon

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I hate how having a mental health condition or illness means we are crazy and can't decide on suicide. People love to say the "depression won" or "he succumbed to his mental illness" or whatever when someone dies by suicide. It makes me sick that these comments are going to be thrown around when I CTB.

First of all I have Bipolar Disorder and sadly am higher functioning on the spectrum but I'll be considered crazy and incapable of making a rational decision. Sure BP is "treatable" but there is absolutely no cure. I have spent 20 years going through the gauntlet of medication and changes and increases. Most of the time the meds are worse than the actual disorder and even a perfectly medicated person will have episodes and eventually need a medication change. There IS NOT CURE. So why isn't mental illness a reason for assisted suicide? Just because I have one doesn't mean I'm never lucid for fucks sake. In fact, I'm mostly "stable" aka not hypomanic or depressed and have been for the last 20 years. Yet when I CTB it's because I wasn't "thinking straight". Bitch I've planned this for years and bought N in 2016.

Too add, the real reason I want to CTB isn't even because of bipolar disorder it's because of chronic pain which is what actually stole my life and happiness. Again there is NO CURE and I have exhausted every treatment to the point all I have left is pain psychologists trying to teach me meditation and to "live with the pain."

But when I die I'm just going to be another sad victim of mental illness who wasn't in their right mind. And society's views on sanctioned suicide will remain forever unchanged.

I made a thread about this. It bothers me too. I have this deep seeded urge for everybody to know that this wasn't done on impulse and I hate that when I do take my life, that's all anybody's gonna think

 

[Brainpain]

I made a thread about this. It bothers me too. I have this deep seeded urge for everybody to know that this wasn't done on impulse and I hate that when I do take my life, that's all anybody's gonna think

No matter what you do, even if you leave a note explaining, next to no one will ever accept you were of sound mind and could have been saved

 

[woxihuanni]

I really think the entire holy book of shrinkery should be burnt and 'crazy' reserved for people society recognises as crazy by common sense: Incoherence, delusion to the degree of not knowing one has delusions, etc. I'm not saying something like BPD or NPD is not relevant at all, it's just that putting a name on some pattern of malfunction does not mean much unless they can come up with something that actually changes anything. You get your label and everybody demonises you, what else happens? I'd go so far as to say a lot of cluster B problems can be better handled in a well-structured society than in the 'owe(d) nothing' desolation of modern times.

Society taught me to demonise my partner, I'd kill every single of those who screamed NPD to get my partner back, disease and all. So far as I'm concerned, nobody who tore me from my mate is worth anything, what the fuck were they thinking? AND If they are right saying that NPD should not have relationships, it is useless trying with them, etc. then the logical consequence is that they should be emotionally quarantined. This is pure crap, nobody can admonish them for 'abuse' in their private lives and they keep all the respect, but the 'victim' loses everybody's respect if they don't walk away. Is this a joke?

I could go on, but really, if you can lucidly express a desire to ctb and consistently follow it through, then that is proof you are not crazy. I swear I had a moment of berserk anger when a friend told me I might be 'impulsive' after all when I've researched this thing for a year and formed a concrete plan. I said 'then we need to change the dictionary fucking definition of impulsive.'

Even impulse, I mean hello are we asking every couple who fuck without protection if it is well-considered? THAT is the thing that should be taboo to do impulsively, a lot more than your own death.

 

[darkworld15]

Amen. Your body, your choice

 

[GreenDagny]

I do not think it is hopeless for assisted death for mental illness as it is available in Belgium and the Netherlands, it will probably take a long time to get to other countries though. My hope is Canada will consider it sooner than later. And then acceptance for those who just do not enjoy being alive not due to mental illness might be accepted after that. I understand what you mean OP it can be infuriating. Hope you can come to peace with it - remember, these feelings and thoughts will not matter.....

 

[TAW122]

I fully agree with you. You are definitely not impulsive nor irrational for making a permanent decision to a continuous (perhaps even permanent) problem. It's the fault of society and fellow peers who don't understand nor (let alone try to) acknowledge your plights and your reality. The irony is that society and fellow people don't use the same line of logic or see things the same way when it comes to murder or criminals. Instead, they see the latter as people who are of "sound mind" and knew what they were doing and would condemn accordingly. In fact, some would even advocate for the death penalty, thus making them hypocritical. The hypocrisy is that people shouldn't die by suicide, but if someone was bad enough to commit a heinous crime such as murder, rape, terrorism, etc. society and the masses have no hesitation to suggest the "death sentence" against them. In other words, in the eyes of society, it's considered mentally unwell, mentally ill to want end your own life (on your own terms) regardless of the reasoning, the situation, how much you've been through, but when someone makes a conscious decision to commit a heinous crime (murder, rape, terrorism, etc.), they are found to be sane and competent to face judgment/punishment, and sentenced accordingly (life in prison, maybe death penalty). Such hypocrisy and double standards the society and masses are.

@woxihuanni Well written. Society is the one that is messed up and even worse is that if questioned/challenged, it itself rejects any attempt to expose it's flaws and inconsistencies, but instead demonizes the person trying to "expose" it. I too am skeptical of the shrink industry (psychiatry and psychology) as it is a pseudo science and not founded on concrete sciences. While some things are legit and they do take logical steps at times (explaining autism and what not), it is certainly NOT flawless nor infallible. The sad part is that the field itself is full of contradictions and inconsistencies, yet any attempt to correct or challenge it is censored, or silenced such that it cannot be changed at all. This absolutist stance needs to be done away before/if there is any hope to effect change, but in reality they wouldn't because it's them who makes good money by deluding the masses of society into buying their concepts and theories as "right". Furthermore, the ruling class and the government doesn't want to lose it's productive members so they fear people who are going to expose the truth and/or wake up to the reality of the situation, so instead, they have brainwashed and deluded the masses to the point at which the majority rules and stamp out any attempt to question, expose, challenge the status quo.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Boy you must be CRAZY not to want to live in a country where the government:

• Values insurance company profits over your life and health and considers healthcare to be a perk offered by your employer
• Is draining funding from K12 and higher education, saddling you with crippling student debt
• Doesn't provide or support pathways for reskilling if you're dissatisfied with your career
• Doesn't allow for death with dignity for the physically or mentally ill in most cases
• Doesn't provide adequate funding or support for mental health services
• Will literally kidnap you for expressing serious suicidal ideation
• Wants to control your reproductive rights
• Circumcises you by default
• Is openly religious
• Looks the other way while the planet is being irreversibly damaged
• Is actively plundering and imperializing foreign countries under false pretenses
• Is systematically and consistently prejudiced against minority groups
• Is openly courting white nationalist sentiments
• Is constantly spying on you by gathering your digital footprint
• Subverts the democratic process through gerrymandering, campaign finance, a politicized Supreme Court, voter suppression, and the electoral college

Somebody had better get you to the nut house STAT!

 

[Seagirl]

I hate how having a mental health condition or illness means we are crazy and can't decide on suicide. People love to say the "depression won" or "he succumbed to his mental illness" or whatever when someone dies by suicide. It makes me sick that these comments are going to be thrown around when I CTB.

First of all I have Bipolar Disorder and sadly am higher functioning on the spectrum but I'll be considered crazy and incapable of making a rational decision. Sure BP is "treatable" but there is absolutely no cure. I have spent 20 years going through the gauntlet of medication and changes and increases. Most of the time the meds are worse than the actual disorder and even a perfectly medicated person will have episodes and eventually need a medication change. There IS NOT CURE. So why isn't mental illness a reason for assisted suicide? Just because I have one doesn't mean I'm never lucid for fucks sake. In fact, I'm mostly "stable" aka not hypomanic or depressed and have been for the last 20 years. Yet when I CTB it's because I wasn't "thinking straight". Bitch I've planned this for years and bought N in 2016.

Too add, the real reason I want to CTB isn't even because of bipolar disorder it's because of chronic pain which is what actually stole my life and happiness. Again there is NO CURE and I have exhausted every treatment to the point all I have left is pain psychologists trying to teach me meditation and to "live with the pain."

But when I die I'm just going to be another sad victim of mental illness who wasn't in their right mind. And society's views on sanctioned suicide will remain forever unchanged.

You will NEVER change people's opinions on this. They will never realise it is a long considered & planned conscious decision.

Just try & stay in the knowledge that actually we understand both sides & take some sort of acceptance from it.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I hate how having a mental health condition or illness means we are crazy and can't decide on suicide. People love to say the "depression won" or "he succumbed to his mental illness" or whatever when someone dies by suicide. It makes me sick that these comments are going to be thrown around when I CTB.

First of all I have Bipolar Disorder and sadly am higher functioning on the spectrum but I'll be considered crazy and incapable of making a rational decision. Sure BP is "treatable" but there is absolutely no cure. I have spent 20 years going through the gauntlet of medication and changes and increases. Most of the time the meds are worse than the actual disorder and even a perfectly medicated person will have episodes and eventually need a medication change. There IS NOT CURE. So why isn't mental illness a reason for assisted suicide? Just because I have one doesn't mean I'm never lucid for fucks sake. In fact, I'm mostly "stable" aka not hypomanic or depressed and have been for the last 20 years. Yet when I CTB it's because I wasn't "thinking straight". Bitch I've planned this for years and bought N in 2016.

Too add, the real reason I want to CTB isn't even because of bipolar disorder it's because of chronic pain which is what actually stole my life and happiness. Again there is NO CURE and I have exhausted every treatment to the point all I have left is pain psychologists trying to teach me meditation and to "live with the pain."

But when I die I'm just going to be another sad victim of mental illness who wasn't in their right mind. And society's views on sanctioned suicide will remain forever unchanged.

Hey there. I'd love to talk to you because physical pain is my main reason for wanting to die. Do you mind if I ask what you have? I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Of course I've become depressed due to the fact that I can't live my life anymore and because I'm so isoated. Even if we are depressed we should still be able to die with dignity but unfortunately people with cancer who have six months or less to live are the ones that are able to do that. No one understands how chronic pain makes you feel like you're dying every day. CRPS is known as the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and is known as the Suicide disorder. My friend who had it killed herself three years ago. I wish I could have gone with her. PM me whenever you want. I'd like to talk.

I know all about how shitty doctors treat people like us. They want me to have cognitive behavioral therapy for my pain. That isn't going to do anything. A cure would certainly help! But no one is doing research on this. Doctors don't even know what it is! So they want me to go to therapy because they don't want the insurance companies to see they're just giving me pain meds. Are your doctors lowering your meds too? They say they are under extreme pressure from the FDA and CDC and the insurance companies. They all make me sick. I knew this day was going to come so I've been saving up for some time now. Not taking my meds when I needed them so I have enough to overdose. If there is no cure for both of our diseases why don't they treat us as cancer patients and keep us as comfortable as possible right?

, meditation won't help with physical pain. I can see the benefits with mental issues, but not with physical issues. To ease physical pain, only medical or operational treatment can help. Once you are on meds, you will get used to it, then you need to increase the dose. And that is all the docs do for you. Sorry for your condition, buddy. I wish I could have more comforting words, but there are none.

Its so nice to hear someone who makes sense. I agree with everything you've said. The dcotrs just do this to us so they look good to the insurance companies.

 

[toxicfox]

Crazy how many true bipolars I've talked to on here. Everything is relatable. I have BP1. Crazy how you have to get this far in life that you're fondling information on carbon monoxide and everyone that's similar to you after 28 years pops out of the woodwork and it's just... "hey, yeah I know how that feels and I KNOW you can relate"
Doesn't change my mind on catching the bus, but sure feels damn good to know I ain't alone on this nearly as much as I thought I did

 

[LastFlowers]

Yea I am already anticipating the worst to be said on my behalf when I'm gone and some of those things you outlined, I cannot stand as well. It makes me extremely angry.
They are going to make me sound awfully pathetic, that's all I know for certain. It's already happened when I'm still alive to protest!
Which is why I am requesting no funeral or wake or announcement or obituary, to at least minimize the congregation of people who I would like to posthumously smack across the face.

In society's mind, the topic of suicide is the topic of mental illness, because to them, if you are suicidal, you are mentally ill by default, and therefore cannot make any sane decisions for yourself.
In many cases, this is absolute nonsense. As it is, most of psychiatry is a crack science.
Throw a bunch of adjectives together, put a label on it, and toss it unto the forehead of the next sucker who enters the office.
Pathologize EVERYTHING.
That's the goal.
As well as to control people with the reason being that they are not mentally well enough to have the right to autonomy.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I do not think it is hopeless for assisted death for mental illness as it is available in Belgium and the Netherlands, it will probably take a long time to get to other countries though. My hope is Canada will consider it sooner than later. And then acceptance for those who just do not enjoy being alive not due to mental illness might be accepted after that. I understand what you mean OP it can be infuriating. Hope you can come to peace with it - remember, these feelings and thoughts will not matter.....

So sad that we have to suffer like this. I too, hope that Canada offers AS for those who are hopeless in their mental suffering.

 

[GreenDagny]

I have watched some videos on euthenasia in Belgium and they go so peacefully. Within 2 minutes. And the thing is I know if I lived in Belgium I would qualify (diagnosable disorders, tried therapy and meds for years, psychological suffering for over a decade). Makes me want to cry that cannot be me. I wish people could realize ending ones life is not bad when the person is suffering. But they believe all suicides are impulsive or all people have just given up and not tried to get well or they are not lucid enough to understand which are not true for a lot of people. I think any human should be able to choose in all honesty whether physical illness, mental illness or just because they hate living for some reason that is not able to be fixed.