T
timetodie24
Elementalist
- Apr 14, 2023
- 824
** Just venting. Don't need advice or anything **
I am terrified. I hate to sound so weak and cowardly. But i'm really scared and lonely.
I'm not afraid of death or what comes after. I am excited to ctb. But I am so powerless right now and it's all been taken out of my control. I'm scared of what those in control say to me, of not knowing what's me and what's them, what's real and what's not. I'm worried they deceive me yet can't risk going against them.
I hate the method they've chosen and I don't want to go out that way but we share the same end goal and I have to. I hate they're being cryptic and i'm so confused about numbers, dates, places, how it all relates. There's details I haven't worked out yet and worried I'm running out of time. I've worked out main bit and they've confirmed it though. They taunt me with rhymes and sing-song voice. It's cruel but I deserve to suffer. Yet it's others' lives they threaten and it is so wrong. It is very real and urgent, this isn't in my mind. It is logical and rational, i have evidence and it all connects. So it doesnt make sense to me that no one else can see how much danger others are in and that only i can save them
I can never relax as they're always in my head and time is running out to save everyone. I feel like it's all building up in my head and is going to explode. I'm frightened for others. So confused and stressed. It gets hard to breathe, to think, to talk, to sleep. They're taking it all and my mind isn't mine anymore.
Sorry just nowhere else safe to get this out. Don't expect or need any response. I'm already aware of others' opinions of my situation on here. Just venting.
I am terrified. I hate to sound so weak and cowardly. But i'm really scared and lonely.
I'm not afraid of death or what comes after. I am excited to ctb. But I am so powerless right now and it's all been taken out of my control. I'm scared of what those in control say to me, of not knowing what's me and what's them, what's real and what's not. I'm worried they deceive me yet can't risk going against them.
I hate the method they've chosen and I don't want to go out that way but we share the same end goal and I have to. I hate they're being cryptic and i'm so confused about numbers, dates, places, how it all relates. There's details I haven't worked out yet and worried I'm running out of time. I've worked out main bit and they've confirmed it though. They taunt me with rhymes and sing-song voice. It's cruel but I deserve to suffer. Yet it's others' lives they threaten and it is so wrong. It is very real and urgent, this isn't in my mind. It is logical and rational, i have evidence and it all connects. So it doesnt make sense to me that no one else can see how much danger others are in and that only i can save them
I can never relax as they're always in my head and time is running out to save everyone. I feel like it's all building up in my head and is going to explode. I'm frightened for others. So confused and stressed. It gets hard to breathe, to think, to talk, to sleep. They're taking it all and my mind isn't mine anymore.
Sorry just nowhere else safe to get this out. Don't expect or need any response. I'm already aware of others' opinions of my situation on here. Just venting.
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