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RW__Asher23

Student
Dec 11, 2022
153
Here is a short one. There have been many notes and poems but this is one just before my 2nd attempt. I came to the Bridge without any ID, money, just nothing except tape player and a note. No one shold even know me if they found me. Where? Golden Gate Bridge, Ca. Most who ctb were never found. some were but badly damaged. Better off not being found. Washed out of the Bay to the Sea would be better.
Caught pulled back from edge and taken away to psych. Horrible !
The note:
IT'S TRUE (Suicide Note)
------------------------

People say
"Shit happens"
And it does
To me
All the time

People say
"Things will look different
in the morning"
And they do:
Worse

People say
"Life can be great"
And it is
But not for me
Goodbye



Poem before ctb.

Never Again to Weep

Oh to never weep,
at long last sleep.
Never again to repast,
to sleep at last.

Through the icy chill,
never again to feel.
Buried deep,now to sleep,
never again to weep.

The worms now come,
I their feast.
Oh worms come repast,
feast upon this heart of mine.

Unworthy now, I come to shame,
none to know my name.
Buried deep, now I sleep.​
 
Render

Render

Member
Apr 7, 2024
26
I read a while back about the Ash forums and that Sanctioned Suicide was in part started by members of the Asher community. How long ago were you on ASH? I haven't been able to find a timeline for when the website or forums were active and I've always been curious.
 
E

Endisclose

Experienced
Oct 23, 2023
266
Here is a short one. There have been many notes and poems but this is one just before my 2nd attempt. I came to the Bridge without any ID, money, just nothing except tape player and a note. No one shold even know me if they found me. Where? Golden Gate Bridge, Ca. Most who ctb were never found. some were but badly damaged. Better off not being found. Washed out of the Bay to the Sea would be better.
Caught pulled back from edge and taken away to psych. Horrible !
The note:
IT'S TRUE (Suicide Note)
------------------------

People say
"Shit happens"
And it does
To me
All the time

People say
"Things will look different
in the morning"
And they do:
Worse

People say
"Life can be great"
And it is
But not for me
Goodbye



Poem before ctb.

Never Again to Weep

Oh to never weep,
at long last sleep.
Never again to repast,
to sleep at last.

Through the icy chill,
never again to feel.
Buried deep,now to sleep,
never again to weep.

The worms now come,
I their feast.
Oh worms come repast,
feast upon this heart of mine.

Unworthy now, I come to shame,
none to know my name.
Buried deep, now I sleep.​
I remember hearing about the Ash forum being around way back when I was in college 23 years ago. I wonder what the most popular way to ctb back then was. These days I suppose SN is the clearcut favourite.. Not sure what the landscape looked like in the pre-SN days..

I love your poem ❤️.
 
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R

RW__Asher23

Student
Dec 11, 2022
153
I read a while back about the Ash forums and that Sanctioned Suicide was in part started by members of the Asher community. How long ago were you on ASH? I haven't been able to find a timeline for when the website or forums were active and I've always been curious.
I was reading and posting in that newsgroup when it was first created. 1998. I am old so I have been in it almost to the very end. My posts and writings in the group and later IRC and other spin offs have been taken and put in news stories or stolen from the content on the news group and printed in some national newspapers when they were trying to close it down. The never did but the ruined the newsgroup so the IRC and spinoffs became ash as well. This Wikipedia is poor in providing any real informative and first hand information but I leave you the link if you want to see it. I have friend and myself that maintain at least for now an Internet Archive of alt.suicide.holiday. This will be a little long but try to keep short as can. ASH started by a person who requested a new listing for newsgroups and alt. was one of them. The groups discussion was to talk about and get replies and responses to this: Its original purpose was to discuss the relationship between suicide rates and holiday's compared to other times of the year. Holiday's being some of the highest rates but surprisingly usually right after. Not Christmas day or eve but the 26th suicides went way up. Also same with Valentines day was the day after and Halloween the day after. But the group started having people start to talk about their own attempts and some of the regular posters started getting replies to their comments and it exploded into what it became in just one year. Showing how many back then were going through the same or similar things as today. It was a needed thing a place to go discuss and tell about your experiences and what worked and didn't and to make friends. Real friends and then the codes we started using to keep the media from knowing what we were talking about in the newsgroup. CTB the media said it was a secretive thing that meant people would use it to meet someplace or time and another one said it meant really take the bus to....... No . But the media figured it out and then they came after us really hard with successful ctb's and the very first ever PPH peaceful Pill Handbook and the other one that got politicians and police and media etc etc going after us the firs book on Methods. But the group was more than that. Connections to people and some saved lives people deciding not to ctb but yes we were all there to begin with as people who are going to ctb. Anyway here are two links. The Wiki one I am only a little ok with but it does not do it justice. The other link is the Archive Page we are maintaining. For as long as possible. (Thanks Xanthia.com.)
This is the Real ASH Archive and if anyone tells you or sends you anywhere else let us know. They are fakes.
Proud of our archive. Lots of work keeping it going and up to date. Wish you Peace.


For anyone reading this thread. Info on ASH. Who and what etc. I posted in a reply but think it would be good to post here for everyone to see and link to if you want. I am Original poster to the newsgroup and later IRC and Bus.Stop.alt.suicide.holiday and others. That is why my nick name here is RW_Asher23 the 23 is the number of person who posted to the groups question what do you think about suicide rates during the holidays? with alt. being the place/list to find this group among many many thousands of group listings alphabetically. Thus the new list alt. and then alt.suicide.holiday. Anyway here is my reply to person asking about it. Also SaSu our forum and chat here was started by people who wanted to have a forum for all people thinking about suicide as a support/information/ forum/chat. The original owners here as far as I know were not members or posters to the alt.suicide.holiday usenet newsgroup but maybe had something to do with other spin offs or they just knew the need for ash to continue in some form other than the original and created one. Here Sanctioned Suicide. So Thank You to them.
Here is the reply I posted about ASH.

I was reading and posting in that newsgroup when it was first created. 1998. I am old so I have been in it almost to the very end. My posts and writings in the group and later IRC and other spin offs have been taken and put in news stories or stolen from the content on the news group and printed in some national newspapers when they were trying to close it down. The never did but the ruined the newsgroup so the IRC and spinoffs became ash as well. This Wikipedia is poor in providing any real informative and first hand information but I leave you the link if you want to see it. I have friend and myself that maintain at least for now an Internet Archive of alt.suicide.holiday. This will be a little long but try to keep short as can. ASH started by a person who requested a new listing for newsgroups and alt. was one of them. The groups discussion was to talk about and get replies and responses to this: Its original purpose was to discuss the relationship between suicide rates and holiday's compared to other times of the year. Holiday's being some of the highest rates but surprisingly usually right after. Not Christmas day or eve but the 26th suicides went way up. Also same with Valentines day was the day after and Halloween the day after. But the group started having people start to talk about their own attempts and some of the regular posters started getting replies to their comments and it exploded into what it became in just one year. Showing how many back then were going through the same or similar things as today. It was a needed thing a place to go discuss and tell about your experiences and what worked and didn't and to make friends. Real friends and then the codes we started using to keep the media from knowing what we were talking about in the newsgroup. CTB the media said it was a secretive thing that meant people would use it to meet someplace or time and another one said it meant really take the bus to....... No . But the media figured it out and then they came after us really hard with successful ctb's and the very first ever PPH peaceful Pill Handbook and the other one that got politicians and police and media etc etc going after us the firs book on Methods. But the group was more than that. Connections to people and some saved lives people deciding not to ctb but yes we were all there to begin with as people who are going to ctb. Anyway here are two links. The Wiki one I am only a little ok with but it does not do it justice. The other link is the Archive Page we are maintaining. For as long as possible. (Thanks Xanthia.com.)
This is the Real ASH Archive and if anyone tells you or sends you anywhere else let us know. They are fakes.
Proud of our archive. Lots of work keeping it going and up to date. Wish you Peace.
I read a while back about the Ash forums and that Sanctioned Suicide was in part started by members of the Asher community. How long ago were you on ASH? I haven't been able to find a timeline for when the website or forums were active and I've always been curious.
1998-2007/08. I was the 23rd poster to the newsgroup when it was formed. alt.suicide.holiday was a discussion group on Usenet News Groups. Newly formed alt. heading and then the group got formed. If you don't know what is or was a Usenet Newsgroup don't worry about it because it is only existing now as an Archive which is being maintained by a couple original ash people, myself and a couple others. There is link and info below if you like more. Peace.
 
Last edited:
Render

Render

Member
Apr 7, 2024
26
I was reading and posting in that newsgroup when it was first created. 1998. I am old so I have been in it almost to the very end. My posts and writings in the group and later IRC and other spin offs have been taken and put in news stories or stolen from the content on the news group and printed in some national newspapers when they were trying to close it down. The never did but the ruined the newsgroup so the IRC and spinoffs became ash as well. This Wikipedia is poor in providing any real informative and first hand information but I leave you the link if you want to see it. I have friend and myself that maintain at least for now an Internet Archive of alt.suicide.holiday. This will be a little long but try to keep short as can. ASH started by a person who requested a new listing for newsgroups and alt. was one of them. The groups discussion was to talk about and get replies and responses to this: Its original purpose was to discuss the relationship between suicide rates and holiday's compared to other times of the year. Holiday's being some of the highest rates but surprisingly usually right after. Not Christmas day or eve but the 26th suicides went way up. Also same with Valentines day was the day after and Halloween the day after. But the group started having people start to talk about their own attempts and some of the regular posters started getting replies to their comments and it exploded into what it became in just one year. Showing how many back then were going through the same or similar things as today. It was a needed thing a place to go discuss and tell about your experiences and what worked and didn't and to make friends. Real friends and then the codes we started using to keep the media from knowing what we were talking about in the newsgroup. CTB the media said it was a secretive thing that meant people would use it to meet someplace or time and another one said it meant really take the bus to....... No . But the media figured it out and then they came after us really hard with successful ctb's and the very first ever PPH peaceful Pill Handbook and the other one that got politicians and police and media etc etc going after us the firs book on Methods. But the group was more than that. Connections to people and some saved lives people deciding not to ctb but yes we were all there to begin with as people who are going to ctb. Anyway here are two links. The Wiki one I am only a little ok with but it does not do it justice. The other link is the Archive Page we are maintaining. For as long as possible. (Thanks Xanthia.com.)
This is the Real ASH Archive and if anyone tells you or sends you anywhere else let us know. They are fakes.
Proud of our archive. Lots of work keeping it going and up to date. Wish you Peace.


For anyone reading this thread. Info on ASH. Who and what etc. I posted in a reply but think it would be good to post here for everyone to see and link to if you want. I am Original poster to the newsgroup and later IRC and Bus.Stop.alt.suicide.holiday and others. That is why my nick name here is RW_Asher23 the 23 is the number of person who posted to the groups question what do you think about suicide rates during the holidays? with alt. being the place/list to find this group among many many thousands of group listings alphabetically. Thus the new list alt. and then alt.suicide.holiday. Anyway here is my reply to person asking about it. Also SaSu our forum and chat here was started by people who wanted to have a forum for all people thinking about suicide as a support/information/ forum/chat. The original owners here as far as I know were not members or posters to the alt.suicide.holiday usenet newsgroup but maybe had something to do with other spin offs or they just knew the need for ash to continue in some form other than the original and created one. Here Sanctioned Suicide. So Thank You to them.
Here is the reply I posted about ASH.

I was reading and posting in that newsgroup when it was first created. 1998. I am old so I have been in it almost to the very end. My posts and writings in the group and later IRC and other spin offs have been taken and put in news stories or stolen from the content on the news group and printed in some national newspapers when they were trying to close it down. The never did but the ruined the newsgroup so the IRC and spinoffs became ash as well. This Wikipedia is poor in providing any real informative and first hand information but I leave you the link if you want to see it. I have friend and myself that maintain at least for now an Internet Archive of alt.suicide.holiday. This will be a little long but try to keep short as can. ASH started by a person who requested a new listing for newsgroups and alt. was one of them. The groups discussion was to talk about and get replies and responses to this: Its original purpose was to discuss the relationship between suicide rates and holiday's compared to other times of the year. Holiday's being some of the highest rates but surprisingly usually right after. Not Christmas day or eve but the 26th suicides went way up. Also same with Valentines day was the day after and Halloween the day after. But the group started having people start to talk about their own attempts and some of the regular posters started getting replies to their comments and it exploded into what it became in just one year. Showing how many back then were going through the same or similar things as today. It was a needed thing a place to go discuss and tell about your experiences and what worked and didn't and to make friends. Real friends and then the codes we started using to keep the media from knowing what we were talking about in the newsgroup. CTB the media said it was a secretive thing that meant people would use it to meet someplace or time and another one said it meant really take the bus to....... No . But the media figured it out and then they came after us really hard with successful ctb's and the very first ever PPH peaceful Pill Handbook and the other one that got politicians and police and media etc etc going after us the firs book on Methods. But the group was more than that. Connections to people and some saved lives people deciding not to ctb but yes we were all there to begin with as people who are going to ctb. Anyway here are two links. The Wiki one I am only a little ok with but it does not do it justice. The other link is the Archive Page we are maintaining. For as long as possible. (Thanks Xanthia.com.)
This is the Real ASH Archive and if anyone tells you or sends you anywhere else let us know. They are fakes.
Proud of our archive. Lots of work keeping it going and up to date. Wish you Peace.

1998-2007/08. I was the 23rd poster to the newsgroup when it was formed. alt.suicide.holiday was a discussion group on Usenet News Groups. Newly formed alt. heading and then the group got formed. If you don't know what is or was a Usenet Newsgroup don't worry about it because it is only existing now as an Archive which is being maintained by a couple original ash people, myself and a couple others. There is link and info below if you like more. Peace.
That was extremely informative. Thank you for taking the time to provide such a detailed overview.
 
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