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R

ranaway

i am a horrible person.
Mar 2, 2023
56
I'm not suicidal, I just got introduced to this site by my suicidal friend.

Honestly, I have mixed feeling about this place. Maybe this won't help a thing for you guys- but I keep all of you in my mind now.
I just hope life will treat you guys better and better days by days, tomorrow, the day after or any days ahead, just for you guys can stay here, with this life a little bit longer. Someday, the pain, trauma, emptiness, sorrow... that haunting you won't be around anymore. You guys can finally get the help that you guys always wanted, therapy, medication or meditation... hope that light up again.

Or even it won't happen, and you guys decide to take this life away, I respect it, hope that you guys can have a peaceful and painless experience.

I know my words and thoughts are immature and probably pretty ignorant, and won't help you guys a thing, but in the end, this is just what I wanna say to you guys. And tbh, I feel so powerless and sad reading all of you guys' posts on this site that knowing that there will be people that are leaving and joining the eternal peace, but I will still respect the choice.

Hope the best for you folks here,
Have a great day today, another great day tomorrow and more.
 
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Huntfish34

Huntfish34

Enlightened
Mar 13, 2020
1,619
I love that, Very well said indeed. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words.
 
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Next-to-Nil

Next-to-Nil

Begrudgingly Everlasting
Mar 2, 2023
237
Thanks, the words are appreciated and it's nice to hear from someone who actually respects the alternative. If I can give constructive feedback; maybe don't point out how many days are yet to come because; well, I don't know about others, but just thinking more than a week ahead fills me with horror. It's like "Oh right, there's so much more of *points at everything* THIS to worry about!" You know what I mean? But again, thank you.
 
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R

ranaway

i am a horrible person.
Mar 2, 2023
56
I love that, Very well said indeed. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words.
Thank you, hope you have a great day ahead or a great night with promising tomorrow.
Thanks, the words are appreciated and it's nice to hear from someone who actually respects the alternative. If I can give constructive feedback; maybe don't point out how many days are yet to come because; well, I don't know about others, but just thinking more than a week ahead fills me with horror. It's like "Oh right, there's so much more of *points at everything* THIS to worry about!" You know what I mean? But again, thank you.
Oh! yeah I get what you mean, I will note that down, thank you for your feedback TT Nice to hear it from you!
 
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Huntfish34

Huntfish34

Enlightened
Mar 13, 2020
1,619
Amen and Amen. I'll Try to have a good day, God willing.

Will comment more but at fckn work right now. =/
 
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Viranamari

Viranamari

A Future Corpse
Feb 22, 2023
294
Thank you for your kind words. You don't have to be suicidal to use this site. It can also be used for venting or comforting other users. Thanks for respecting people's opinion to CTB. It might not seem much but it actually helps.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,152
Thank you for respecting people's decision to die at least, but maybe the rest of your post is better suited for the "recovery" section. The reality is that there is no real relief from suffering in this hellish world and that is just the way that things are. I'm just being realistic and this rational way of viewing existence isn't something to be "helped". I simply hate life and it's not an illness seeing things this way. Therapy is a scam anyway.
 
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R

ranaway

i am a horrible person.
Mar 2, 2023
56
Thank you for your kind words. You don't have to be suicidal to use this site. It can also be used for venting or comforting other users. Thanks for respecting people's opinion to CTB. It might not seem much but it actually helps.
thank you for saying this, I'm happy if I can make you guys' day a little bit better!
 
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TheBihCalledWillow

TheBihCalledWillow

look at the lil worm-on-a-string on my head
Mar 1, 2023
8
just thinking more than a week ahead fills me with horror. It's like "Oh right, there's so much more of *points at everything* THIS to worry about!" You know what I mean? But again, thank you.

Something about the way you said this randomly hit me in the gut outta nowhere,

just this instant feeling of "oh fuk- that's me wth"
sorry you're also going through this typeof feeling- it fukn sucks to not be able to just quite your mind and think rationally about the future without having a fear-of-the-unknown-induced panic attack,

(Also hi,- first post, how're yall doin?)
 
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Next-to-Nil

Next-to-Nil

Begrudgingly Everlasting
Mar 2, 2023
237
Something about the way you said this randomly hit me in the gut outta nowhere,

just this instant feeling of "oh fuk- that's me wth"
sorry you're also going through this typeof feeling- it fukn sucks to not be able to just quite your mind and think rationally about the future without having a fear-of-the-unknown-induced panic attack,

(Also hi,- first post, how're yall doin?)
THAT'S THE MAIN REASON I JOINED THIS FORUM! OH MY GOD! A LIKE-MINDED SOUL! HI! Or, I guess; "Thanks for getting it, sorry you're feeling it." is maybe what I should say... it definitely sucks, yeah...

Nice to meet you, I'm doing... well... well enough, I guess? I'm actually doing something so that's something? Definitely could be worse but the benchmark is kind of low.
Oh, by the way, since you're new; I found the introduction thread to this place if you wanna do that! It's right here; Introduce Yourself! I don't know about you, but just... saying why I'm here and going over my shit made me feel a bit better, so maybe it'll help? (Also not gonna lie; it felt good seeing other's intros and knowing I'm not alone, you know?)
 
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R

ranaway

i am a horrible person.
Mar 2, 2023
56
Thank you for respecting people's decision to die at least, but maybe the rest of your post is better suited for the "recovery" section. The reality is that there is no real relief from suffering in this hellish world and that is just the way that things are. I'm just being realistic and this rational way of viewing existence isn't something to be "helped". I simply hate life and it's not an illness seeing things this way. Therapy is a scam anyway.
To be honest, as a person that usually get surrounded by suicidal people/friends and used to listen to their vents almost everyday ("used" because most of them are in better place or with better people now) I actually believe you can be better but you will never actually escape suffering or at least when you eventually "escape" it, you will still remember the pain it brought you, but I can get what you mean. therapy isn't the only way ofc, but most of the time, it's the fastest way, or an effective/right way to some people.
You didn't get to choose to feel this way or live this life, but you can choose to make it better or no, or if, even "help" can't really help you at all and you choose to go for eternal peace, I can understand that, I just hope and glad if any of you can actually find a way to feel better to decide if you will come to an end or before you come to an end, well it's just my view on this. Thank you for your reply!
 
TheBihCalledWillow

TheBihCalledWillow

look at the lil worm-on-a-string on my head
Mar 1, 2023
8
THAT'S THE MAIN REASON I JOINED THIS FORUM! OH MY GOD! A LIKE-MINDED SOUL! HI! Or, I guess; "Thanks for getting it, sorry you're feeling it." is maybe what I should say... it definitely sucks, yeah...

Nice to meet you, I'm doing... well... well enough, I guess? I'm actually doing something so that's something? Definitely could be worse but the benchmark is kind of low.
Oh, by the way, since you're new; I found the introduction thread to this place if you wanna do that! It's right here; Introduce Yourself! I don't know about you, but just... saying why I'm here and going over my shit made me feel a bit better, so maybe it'll help? (Also not gonna lie; it felt good seeing other's intros and knowing I'm not alone, you know?)
bunches of random personal connection; I like it-

imma keep talking, just to keep the convo rolling ig-
im glad you're doin alright atm, and i tend to feel the same way, that sorta "I guess i feel 'alright' right now. Might as well stick it out to see how things go" kinda feeling -- if you know what i mean -- while also being paired with a weird undertone of desperately wanting to avoid thinking about the future, ctb, and other things that cause my heart to go all speedy. its a weird and kinda horrible feeling, but im pretty glad im actually in a good enough space to formulate these feelings, and im glad i was able to get on here and just fukn talk abt it.

also, tbh, i probably wont look over the introduction thread too soon (not atleast until i find my bearings here), igot horrible adhd, and i tend to ramble a ton whenever i try to form my feelings into words (you probly noticed as much)

also-also, since you seem kinda cool, and are almost equally as new here, i was wondering if i could send you a quick pm just to shoot the shit ig, but i dont seem to have a button for that, which's weird, i'll probly figure it out as i go along-

anywho- sry for the rambly nature of what im saying atm, its just that kinda day for me right now.
everything aside, you seem pretty cool, im glad youre in an alright place right now, and in case I dont catch you again I wish you the best
 
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Next-to-Nil

Next-to-Nil

Begrudgingly Everlasting
Mar 2, 2023
237
I wish I knew how to multiquote because I feel the need to respond to this bit by bit. My workaround might be shitty so sorry for that but I'm just gonna put what you said down and then respond to it.
bunches of random personal connection; I like it-
It's so much easier to do online than IRL, and the premise of the site makes the CTB subject a lot easier to breach in conversation.

imma keep talking, just to keep the convo rolling ig-
See? Conversation already! I'm having huge success!

im glad you're doin alright atm, and i tend to feel the same way, that sorta "I guess i feel 'alright' right now. Might as well stick it out to see how things go" kinda feeling -- if you know what i mean -- while also being paired with a weird undertone of desperately wanting to avoid thinking about the future, ctb, and other things that cause my heart to go all speedy. its a weird and kinda horrible feeling, but im pretty glad im actually in a good enough space to formulate these feelings, and im glad i was able to get on here and just fukn talk abt it.
I'm glad you're in the "alright-ish" or "alright enough" space too. I'm mostly sticking it out because after a few fuck-ups trying to go through with it again terrifies me but I feel you and get it. YEAH, LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE, THAT SOUNDS GOOD! :) I'm just in denial of the fact that time moves forward and letting the days blend in together makes me feel better about the fact that time moves on. Talking is definitely a thing that's good to do.


also, tbh, i probably wont look over the introduction thread too soon (not atleast until i find my bearings here), igot horrible adhd, and i tend to ramble a ton whenever i try to form my feelings into words (you probly noticed as much)
Oh sure, you do you. Sorry if I came off as pushy there. I get the adhd thing. I'm not diagnosed but, well, when/if you get around to looking at the thread and see my post you'll totally get it. Sometimes rambling can be therapeutic but I get feeling self-conscious about it 1000%.

also-also, since you seem kinda cool, and are almost equally as new here, i was wondering if i could send you a quick pm just to shoot the shit ig, but i dont seem to have a button for that, which's weird, i'll probly figure it out as i go along-
I mean, yeah, go nuts if you feel like it. I'm down to talk with a like-minded newbie for sure ^^ Let me know when you figure it out because I don't have a clue either. It would probably be a good idea just so we're not spamming peacefulmind's thread though (sorry about that...)

anywho- sry for the rambly nature of what im saying atm, its just that kinda day for me right now.everything aside, you seem pretty cool, im glad youre in an alright place right now, and in case I dont catch you again I wish you the best
Best to you as well! You seem pretty cool too and I'm glad you're in an okay space at the moment as well.
bunches of random personal connection; I like it-

imma keep talking, just to keep the convo rolling ig-
im glad you're doin alright atm, and i tend to feel the same way, that sorta "I guess i feel 'alright' right now. Might as well stick it out to see how things go" kinda feeling -- if you know what i mean -- while also being paired with a weird undertone of desperately wanting to avoid thinking about the future, ctb, and other things that cause my heart to go all speedy. its a weird and kinda horrible feeling, but im pretty glad im actually in a good enough space to formulate these feelings, and im glad i was able to get on here and just fukn talk abt it.

also, tbh, i probably wont look over the introduction thread too soon (not atleast until i find my bearings here), igot horrible adhd, and i tend to ramble a ton whenever i try to form my feelings into words (you probly noticed as much)

also-also, since you seem kinda cool, and are almost equally as new here, i was wondering if i could send you a quick pm just to shoot the shit ig, but i dont seem to have a button for that, which's weird, i'll probly figure it out as i go along-

anywho- sry for the rambly nature of what im saying atm, its just that kinda day for me right now.
everything aside, you seem pretty cool, im glad youre in an alright place right now, and in case I dont catch you again I wish you the best
What I said above, but also, you made me remember why we can't PM yet; it's because our accounts are less than 24 hours old and we haven't posted enough. You can see info about that in the rules and FAQ which I imagine you read before joining too but hey; I forgot and that was less than 4 hours ago, so I totally get it if you did as well.
 
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TheBihCalledWillow

TheBihCalledWillow

look at the lil worm-on-a-string on my head
Mar 1, 2023
8
What I said above, but also, you made me remember why we can't PM yet; it's because our accounts are less than 24 hours old and we haven't posted enough. You can see info about that in the rules and FAQ which I imagine you read before joining too but hey; I forgot and that was less than 4 hours ago, so I totally get it if you did as well.
yea, i read that a while back when i was doing the customary lurk-before-you-join think i ted to do in forums/servers/communities/ect, and that bit completely left my mind considering the amount on there
Let me know when you figure it out because I don't have a clue either. It would probably be a good idea just so we're not spamming peacefulmind's thread though (sorry about that...)
yea, sorry about that peacefulmind; didnt wanna make it seem like i was goin offtherail hogging the convo on unrelated stuff /genuine
ifyousee this, pls go easy on me mate, im just tryin to figure stuff out here atm and keep up a kinda fun convo
 
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R

ranaway

i am a horrible person.
Mar 2, 2023
56
yea, i read that a while back when i was doing the customary lurk-before-you-join think i ted to do in forums/servers/communities/ect, and that bit completely left my mind considering the amount on there

yea, sorry about that peacefulmind; didnt wanna make it seem like i was goin offtherail hogging the convo on unrelated stuff /genuine
ifyousee this, pls go easy on me mate, im just tryin to figure stuff out here atm and keep up a kinda fun convo
nah it's okay bro, I'm happy to see you can be comfortable and interact with other users and had a fun convo, idc if it unrelated/offtherail, this is a comfy zone and you can talk about whatever topics you want!
If you're happy then I'm happy too :D
 
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TheBihCalledWillow

TheBihCalledWillow

look at the lil worm-on-a-string on my head
Mar 1, 2023
8
nah it's okay bro, I'm happy to see you can be comfortable and interact with other users and had a fun convo, idc if it unrelated/offtherail, this is a comfy zone and you can talk about whatever topics you want!
If you're happy then I'm happy too :D
hell yea mate, glad to see we're both something close to cool
 
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