Job loss depression

[mkhan1985]

Anyone else experienced severe depression after a job loss?

I have a master of science in mechanical engineering and i've worked for the same company for ten years. I worked a lot and loved my job(Good payment, flexible, good fit, etc.) and unfortunately much of my identity was tied up in it.

Because of a disagreement regarding salary with HR, i had to quit the job last december. I dont think the disagreement was because of my salary, and suspect this was only a way to kick me out because the HR manager doesnt like me.

Without bragging I was a high performing employee, maybe one of the best in the company. This because i was really engaged in my job with the downside that im honest and say what I mean if something is wrong(not everybody likes that).


I've been offered a 4-5 other jobs afterwards, but i cannot forget my old job and how nice it was. It has led me in to a severe depression and I dont know what to do. I quickly became suicidal because I cannot see a solution, and it is really frightening. I have a pregnant girlfriend and a four year old daughter which relies on me. We've had a perfect life earlier until this happened, and now I cannot see other solutions than leaving this life. Things will never be back how ther were.

 

[CursedSoul]

i get how you feel, but i think it would be a waste to die because of it, i mean, surely, it's a bad situation, but you're a hard working man, you succeeded, why would it not happen again ? try to work for the adversary of your company, try to convince your boss that HR was biased ? Maybe depending on your country, legal action could be taken again'st fraudulent/unlawful firing ? i think in my opinion there is still a chance for you and your family to have a good life, if you kill yourself, one thing for sure, things will never be back how they where, and there won't be much solutions for your girlfriend and daughter. Try to keep your head up and put your family first, ik it's hard to read that as i'm some fag that doesn't experienced something like that, but what i can tell you, is that you still got a chance for you and your family to have a good life, try therapy if not already, try everything you can, and if you truly tried everything, then you can say "ive tried everything, there's just no way, time to rest".

i don't really see the urge to die, but more of the will to escape, or to go back to a good situation, to share with you, i'm kinda fucked up, i get pleasure from torturing myself and becoming close to death, as it has always been my goal. It would be truly sad if you CBT, as it doesn't seem fucked yet. It seems you also enjoyed more you work then your family, some people do, not saying it's your case, it's just seem like it. Try to focus on your family, and forget about it. you can always start from the begining in working, start a new identity, it's alright, as long as you can do what you love, boss, companies, etc... are just a unsignificant detail, best of luck bud

 

[Didymus]

I think with your qualifications, experience and skill set you can get a shitload of job offers. At least one of them should give you a job that is equally rewarding and fulfilling.

 

[mkhan1985]

My life is derailing. Hitting new bottoms each day. Everything i knew is gone, world turned upside down. Im worried that im about to lose it completely.

 

[dandan]

I'm equally not complete on the job side , but I'm not top performer like you,.

Please keep it up for our sakes, look a job and money is awesome, perhaps you can continue searching?

 

[Rational man]

Your job became your identity as you indicated so the loss is more traumatizing. From my own experience I quit my job because of bullying and ill-health. I felt liberated after a while. Would you have been happy with a manager who didnt like you?. Maybe time will allow you to realise that your choices were right. After all w e can't change history!.

 

[mkhan1985]

Ugh, still struggling…

Applied for my dream job a month ago. 70 people applied, was choosen for the last interview round with one other person. Got the message today that i lost it by millimeters

Fuck this shit!

 

[chr74]

thats really bad luck sorry to hear that

 

[calssilva]

Job loss is less difficult to overcome than the lost of a relationship, I guess...my advice is to study and search for a stable job, for ex. government jobs

 

[RandomTuesday]

Job loss is less difficult to overcome than the lost of a relationship

I don't know if that's a fair thing to say, at least not as an absolute statement.

An easy counterpoint would be someone who worked somewhere for decades and it became their identify. They dedicated their life to their work, but never really made time to have meaningful relationships. Maybe they had a handful of meaningful relationships over the years, but nothing too long lasting. For them losing their job would likely be a lot more traumatic then losing a relationship. They've had a lot of experience losing relationships and continuing, but maybe little or none losing their job and continuing on. I would agree that for me personally I'd rather lose my job than my wife, but that's not the case for everyone, e.g. people getting divorced.

I've only ever quit jobs, I've never been fired or laid off. OP mention he "had to quit", so I'm not sure how much of that was his decision. I quit my last job about 5 years ago after being there for over 10 years. I enjoyed the people I worked with there a lot, but they had all left. I felt alone at that job and conditions quickly worsened. While I was applying for jobs and not getting them, I got quite depressed. I've never been someone to drink alone, but at that time it wasn't uncommon for me to drink a few bottles of wine, or most of a bottle of whiskey, and get black out drunk and pass out.

At my current job I still feel alone. I've never connected with anyone here. There's nothing I like about my current job, but there's nothing I strongly dislike either. I used to think it was just a boring job, but I feel similar about most of life now. Things I used to love no longer bring me any joy. It's been this way a couple years now.

I started getting more serious about CTB because I can't identify a reason for feeling this way. I have a good family, we're financially comfortable, my health is well enough. If this feeling has persisted, and I have no "reason" for it, maybe I'll just feel this overwhelmed, exhausted and numb forever?

I'm sorry to hear you didn't land your dream job. I'm a bit jealous you have a dream job actually. I just have "jobs I could do that someone would pay me to do." It's been 10 months since your first post, have you found work between then and now? I'm also assuming your girlfriend had the baby by now? Haha. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure that's enough time to grow a kid to completion.

 

[mkhan1985]

I don't know if that's a fair thing to say, at least not as an absolute statement.

An easy counterpoint would be someone who worked somewhere for decades and it became their identify. They dedicated their life to their work, but never really made time to have meaningful relationships. Maybe they had a handful of meaningful relationships over the years, but nothing too long lasting. For them losing their job would likely be a lot more traumatic then losing a relationship. They've had a lot of experience losing relationships and continuing, but maybe little or none losing their job and continuing on. I would agree that for me personally I'd rather lose my job than my wife, but that's not the case for everyone, e.g. people getting divorced.

I've only ever quit jobs, I've never been fired or laid off. OP mention he "had to quit", so I'm not sure how much of that was his decision. I quit my last job about 5 years ago after being there for over 10 years. I enjoyed the people I worked with there a lot, but they had all left. I felt alone at that job and conditions quickly worsened. While I was applying for jobs and not getting them, I got quite depressed. I've never been someone to drink alone, but at that time it wasn't uncommon for me to drink a few bottles of wine, or most of a bottle of whiskey, and get black out drunk and pass out.

At my current job I still feel alone. I've never connected with anyone here. There's nothing I like about my current job, but there's nothing I strongly dislike either. I used to think it was just a boring job, but I feel similar about most of life now. Things I used to love no longer bring me any joy. It's been this way a couple years now.

I started getting more serious about CTB because I can't identify a reason for feeling this way. I have a good family, we're financially comfortable, my health is well enough. If this feeling has persisted, and I have no "reason" for it, maybe I'll just feel this overwhelmed, exhausted and numb forever?

I'm sorry to hear you didn't land your dream job. I'm a bit jealous you have a dream job actually. I just have "jobs I could do that someone would pay me to do." It's been 10 months since your first post, have you found work between then and now? I'm also assuming your girlfriend had the baby by now? Haha. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure that's enough time to grow a kid to completion.

Hi there,

You're describing me in detail; i worked at the job i lost for 10 years, did really well and sacrificed a lot of time for it. It became a huge part of my identity. It was more of a lifestyle; i had my job with me 24/7 and i loved it beacuse i thrived and it was really flexible. In reality, I ran my own business in the business…

I had to quit because of a conflict. They more or less fired me, even though I got six months of payment from end date. Its unbelievable how cruel and jealous people can become because of other peoples success.

I've gotten a new job with actually the same payment and everything, but i cannot find happiness. I hate mondays and spend the whole week looking forward to weekends. The dream job I applied for was my hope for getting out of this and finding meaning in work again, but no.

My days are usually quite bad - suffering from self hatred, depression, regret and suicide thoughts almost every day.
I was a very energetic and happy before. Trained every day(some days several times), my health was extremely good and I was very productive in all ways - at work, always renovating or doing projects at home, etc.
Now I don't have the energy to do anything as my unhappiness drains me totally.

We got our second child June last year, a wonderful girl which I love deeply. But it has somehow only worsened my situation as I dont have the energy to take care of my family the way I used to, and im witnessing all the happy moments without having any feelings of enjoying it which completely destroys me. Im loosing my best years, (38yo) and the precious years of my children beeing small.

I wish something fell from the sky in my head so I could leave this hellish situation without anyone thinking I did it on purpose.

Life can really turn 180 degrees in a second. I went from having a successfull career and a wonderful life with my family to this living hell in a second. If I only knew back then, I would have appreciated it more….

But is this normal? Is there something wrong with me, or is it trauma with some kind of ptsd?
Little support from my parents and family, almost blaming me for the reaction and the way I feel.

 

[RandomTuesday]

It sounds like we have a lot in common. I'm about the same age as you, just a little bit older.

Now I don't have the energy to do anything as my unhappiness drains me totally.

I watch projects pile up at work and home and I never have the energy to do them. Even things I want to do, like go out with a friend or play a game, I usually can't bring myself to do. I get anxious over all the things I'm not doing, but most days I do nothing. As I fall asleep I'll pump myself up. "Tomorrow I'll get X and Y done!" It's always sincere and I always think I will, but then I wake up in the morning and just lay in bed staring for hours until my back hurts and I have to get up.

im witnessing all the happy moments without having any feelings of enjoying it which completely destroys me

My kids are a bit older, mine are in the 10-15 years old range, but I really relate to this. Over the last year or two I'm often not even around to witness the happy moments anymore. My wife has taken the kids to all of their activities while I sit at home and do nothing. When they were little I was there for everything. What has really started to crush me, is I think my kids are subtly starting to internalize my apathy too. I worry that because I'm not "into" what they're doing, that they getting less enjoyment out of it. I can tell how much they want and like my approval and support, and it fills me with shame that I don't think I give them enough of it.

i had my job with me 24/7 and i loved it because i thrived and it was really flexible

It does sound like we differ professionally though. I've had a few different jobs over the last 15 years and I've never really been invested into them. I was really into one early on. I voluntarily stayed late to work on pet projects, and I enjoyed it. I'd think about work over the weekend and at night. I felt pride in my work. Then it was made clear to me that no one cared about my effort and it kind of crushed me. I only spent 2 years at that job, but I feel like I've never invested my full self into a job again. The downside of that is I feel professionally unaccomplished, I make a lot less than I could be making, and I'm not proud of anything I've done at work in years. An upside about not caring about my work though, is I don't "hate Mondays and spend the whole week looking forward to weekends." Since I feel very detached from it, I don't really have any emotions about it. I don't care that I'm doing a bad job, I don't get worked up if people are assholes at work, etc.

Life can really turn 180 degrees in a second.

I hope life gives you another 180 so you go a full 360 and are back to where you were before. You asked if this was normal and if anything is wrong with you. I really relate to a lot of what you're saying, so I imagine it's as normal as anything is. You're certainly not the only one that feels this way. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I'm sorry your family doesn't give you support. I'm just a random middle-aged fat stranger on the internet, but I'm always happy to chat.

 

[mkhan1985]

Well, i see no future. Or, the future I see is completely dark. So I dont know what to do anymore.

One plan is just to start arrange everything in a way which doesnt leave my girlfriend and my kids in a bad situation if I leave. We're not married, so i guess i have to arrange that so she inherits all my money and doesnt get in to problems economically. I have a private life insurance for 200k dollars and some insurance at work aswell, so that will propell them a bit.

 

[Unattainable666]

I understand completely. I worked for a law firm where one of the attorneys was fucking his legal assistant. He told everyone in the office of this relationship and should have been fired immediately, but the lead attorney has no balls so they let him stay. This really caused problems because the bitch he was fucking didnt like me so she started telling lies and even told them I had hit her with a refrigerator and they believed her (didn't know I was that strong). So I was fired. Life isn't fair and it seems as if there are so many assholes in the world that the few people who are decent have depression and other shit going on. I say FUCK them. She was one of those bitches who would screw anything two legged, four legged - didn't matter to her.