Job hunting makes me suicidal

[Foresight]

Everything about it. Seriously.

Putting your failed life into a resume. Tapping into memories from past jobs where you struggled mentally. Trying to act like a well-adjusted and peppy person in interviews. Feeling scrutinized by employers. Overthinking rejections. Overthinking not hearing back. Your self worth and confidence sinking with each application knowing that they deserve a better applicant than this sick, withered, traumatized person.

It's kind of unbearable for me. Nothing brings out my worst emotions brewing underneath the surface more than this process.

 

[jay6913]

I'm in the same position, makes the thought of cbt that much easier

 

[Misanthrope]

Wrote this a while back. Wish you all the best amidst the mad dance.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/you-are-not-worthless-unemployment.11143/

 

[Oblivion Access]

All I can say is, I think I understand and definitely relate. If applicable to anyone reading, I reccomend looking into remote work / work from home stuff like data entry, that was basically the only job I kept longer than a month or two because of mental issues.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be very stressful having to go through that. It is a horrible world we live in where people are forced to exist and they have all these pressures and expectations placed on them. Working is just being a slave to the society. I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Foresight]

Wrote this a while back. Wish you all the best amidst the mad dance.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/you-are-not-worthless-unemployment.11143/

This is super helpful, thank you!

 

[whywere]

100% know what you are talking about and how you feel. I got laid off in June 2020, thank you Covid, and have been job hunting since.

The ghosting, the 4 interviews and then never hearing anything and having myself worth questioned. My favorite is going into an interview and right off the bat be told that I was "too old" for the position, beautiful.

I am always around if you want to talk about the job-hunting aspect or anything.

Walter

 

[Oblivion Access]

Oh yeah I forgot to mention, LIE ON YOUR RESUME PEOPLE! If you have no relevant experience but really need the job and reckon they won't figure it out, just fucking lie, embellish, make shit up (in a plausible way). That's how I scored all of my jobs. Your potential employer wouldn't think twice about bending the truth to their benefit, why should you be any different?

 

[Superdeterminist]

It definitely is one of the worst things for me as well. But in my opinion you are beating yourself up too much and viewing the employer as the good guy as if you owe something to them. I don't give a fuck about employers because they turn down thousands of perfectly competent people every day. Their hiring process is extremely flawed. It's really unavoidable because of how the system is set up with many more applicants than positions, nonetheless it's a very sad and inefficient setup which leaves many wrongly slipping through the cracks.

 

[Huntfish34]

I agree with you to a point.... But I've known a couple people who got fired for telling a lie on their job apps. I guess those are 3 fairly rare cases but just thought I'd put it out there.

And Yes, I feel the same way about job hunting. Can definitely make me feel like a Worthless piece of shit,. I hate it.

Wish you the best in whatever may happen.

 

[Foresight]

Do you guys think I could lie about when I graduated college? Like put 2021 instead of 2018?

 

[Al Cappella]

Do you guys think I could lie about when I graduated college? Like out 2021 instead of 2018?

I wouldn't. Stuff like that has a nasty way of coming back to haunt you…

 

[Foresight]

I wouldn't. Stuff like that has a nasty way of coming back to haunt you…

I've never lied before so I tend to agree. I just think my resume is abysmal. They wonder why I got a good degree and then sat on it not realizing because of my disaster life.

 

[KimKevorkian]

Do you guys think I could lie about when I graduated college? Like out 2021 instead of 2018?

The Knock 'Em Dead book of great answers to interview questions helped me, though the answers might seem a bit rote if not modified by a person and tailored to fit your personality. Forget about fudging the date of your college graduation. Way too recent and way too easy for them to verify. As for the interim years, we have had a global pandemic. Lots of family get sick and need care. Lots of people are independently doing stuff from home. Perhaps others could suggest ideas that would give you a plausible narrative without requiring confirmation from references. Jesus. Everything's a fucking competition, isn't it? And yet, often when one finally "wins out" against other applicants, there are inevitably the shirkers and malingerers and incompetents one thought would have been screened out through that process you just had to endure. Feel for ya. In same canoe. Incredibly depressing.

 

[Foresight]

Well I got a job just now! I got a callback not long after posting this. It's in a busy field and remote so I got an instant offer after a phone interview.

 

[WonderingSoul]

This is one of the reasons I'm going to ctb soon. I've been recently had a few interviews and none called me back.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Everything about it. Seriously.

Putting your failed life into a resume. Tapping into memories from past jobs where you struggled mentally. Trying to act like a well-adjusted and peppy person in interviews. Feeling scrutinized by employers. Overthinking rejections. Overthinking not hearing back. Your self worth and confidence sinking with each application knowing that they deserve a better applicant than this sick, withered, traumatized person.

It's kind of unbearable for me. Nothing brings out my worst emotions brewing underneath the surface more than this process.

I get it. If I lose my current job, I will be CTB. I will NOT put myself through that again.

 

[Huntfish34]

I Suppose my mind is That Sick.... It's terrible I believe. About to be there for 9 Fckn years. ( Not sure how exactly) but I think, daydream, dream.. about saying " FU ". To the people I feel deserve it and just walking the Fck Out the door. Still Knowing I will be in a possibly worse situation and CTB that much sooner.

Maybe that's why I haven't... My fear and insecurities .. FML. Damnt.

I wish you the Best with your new job. Thoughts and prayers to you. -

 

[whywere]

Well I got a job just now! I got a callback not long after posting this. It's in a busy field and remote so I got an instant offer after a phone interview.

AWESOME! Congrats!

Walter

 

[whatevs]

Well I got a job just now! I got a callback not long after posting this. It's in a busy field and remote so I got an instant offer after a phone interview.

I think you will perform very well in your new job, congratulations. It seems your own mind was sabotaging you earlier with the resume worries.

 

[Justsogone]

Same.
Sometimes I think I'm entitled as fuck.
But Idk if is fair to study five long years to wound up getting nowhere.
It makes me feel worthless

 

[Darkover]

by going along with your enslavement your just helping cement it further

 

[Foresight]

by going along with your enslavement your just helping cement it further

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding but poverty is enslavement too. You become a slave to the elements, to hunger, to lack.

 

[noname223]

Everything about it. Seriously.

Putting your failed life into a resume. Tapping into memories from past jobs where you struggled mentally. Trying to act like a well-adjusted and peppy person in interviews. Feeling scrutinized by employers. Overthinking rejections. Overthinking not hearing back. Your self worth and confidence sinking with each application knowing that they deserve a better applicant than this sick, withered, traumatized person.

It's kind of unbearable for me. Nothing brings out my worst emotions brewing underneath the surface more than this process.

I can relate to that a lot. It was really soul-crushing for me. It was horrible and in the end I always failed at the job. It hurts so much to be rejected. I am not a good liar. Many could see straightaway through my charade. It was really uncomfortable for me. I needed time to come to terms with it after each interview. Every single one hurt. It hurt so much. It was embarrassing for me and I hate to feel ashamed.

I hope you will have more luck than me.

Hugs. :)

 

[Foresight]

I can relate to that a lot. It was really soul-crushing for me. It was horrible and in the end I always failed at the job. It hurts so much to be rejected. I am not a good liar. Many could see straightaway through my charade. It was really uncomfortable for me. I needed time to come to terms with it after each interview. Every single one hurt. It hurt so much. It was embarrassing for me and I hate to feel ashamed.

I hope you will have more luck than me.

Hugs. :)

I relate to your struggles. I'm deeply avoidant of embarrassment. I'm hoping doing work from home will help me avoid most of the social pitfalls of the workplace environment. I don't think I'll ever be a social butterfly and charm my way through life. I do my best on knowledge and skills.

I am prone to self sabatoging. I'm going to do my best. If I'm somehow defeated by this position I'll take the hit in stride. I have so much work to do internally though. There's a lot of baggage I'm carrying and it out comes out fiercely at times.

 

[Kristicide]

Everything about it. Seriously.

Putting your failed life into a resume. Tapping into memories from past jobs where you struggled mentally. Trying to act like a well-adjusted and peppy person in interviews. Feeling scrutinized by employers. Overthinking rejections. Overthinking not hearing back. Your self worth and confidence sinking with each application knowing that they deserve a better applicant than this sick, withered, traumatized person.

It's kind of unbearable for me. Nothing brings out my worst emotions brewing underneath the surface more than this process.

I agree...instead of you getting excited it immediately goes to anxiety, hopeless, not feeling qualified, worried. They're awful and I support you as I have the same feelings. I did my last one yesterday. If I don't get it my ctb plan is my backup.

 

[Red Scare]

Wow, I can't even get to/through the interview process. Just the thought of having to go out and work at all for a living is enough to make me depressed and to freeze up with anxiety... I truly hate it. I wish we s humans did not have to spend our day doing such pointless things. I know that some work is essential for a society to function but the idea of working the way we do for a living is completely bogus.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

It hurts my soul to remember this kind of shit is what most of us are "fighting" for in university (heck even for people outside university).

There is no end to this shit.

 

[Fre_diE]

Same.
Sometimes I think I'm entitled as fuck.
But Idk if is fair to study five long years to wound up getting nowhere.
It makes me feel worthless

Exactly the same... studied 5 years only to fuck up my life barely working low paying jobs that barely provide

 

[Smart No More]

Soul destroying isn't it!?


Are you creative? Can you paint or make things? Pet portraits are easy to peddle if you can put a decent pick together. Get chatting with the dog walkers and advertise in the shelters etc.