I know I can say these things here without too much judgment.
I have these moments where I'm beating myself down.
I tell myself I'm not trying hard enough.
I'm not doing enough.
But then I feel I am trying really hard.
I'm doing a great job for the position I'm in.
I had to come home after a failed attempt.
Lot's of debt.
A coming eviction and immediately put that aside to job hunt.
I put in so many applications.
Housekeeping
Front Desk
Restaurants
Cashiers
The not getting call backs is ok.
But the blatant way they waste your time is so demoralizing and a reminder of why I so desperately want out.
What triggered me is about a couple weeks ago I went for a interview for a server position.
She...the GM...wasn't prepared for me.
But fast forward she asked me to come Monday for my training.
I go Monday and there was no training for me and I was sent home.
I never heard back of course.
Today they had the gall to send a email saying so sorry to see you go.
I didn't go...you wasted my time.
I sent a nice email back explaining exactly what happened and how they should be ashamed of themselves.
I know not much will happen but I plan to send a email to corporate as well.
Why would you take all my personal information just to send me home after explaining to me how high your turnover is.
I know these things happen but I think everything is so heightened when you think about death all day and have to mask as normal.
I keep going back and forth with God..I'm angry at him but begging him at the same time.
So many evil people choosing to do wrong in the world but the old woman who keeps to herself...tries her best to be kind...cries all day wishing for death but still trying to live a decent life she doesn't want gets shitted on so bad.
Then another job calls...just when I thought he was going to say unfortunately we're going with someone else he said we would like to offer you the position.
When can you start.
I said Monday which would be April 15th.
He said let me get a schedule and call you back.
Immediately I was confused because why don't you know what you want.
Now I have to work up the courage to call and ask if they changed their mind.
It's like the universe is playing games with me.
I think I'm handling it best I can. I can definitely see a person snapping and causing harm from the anger these people are unintentionally giving.
But I'm so tired and exhausted I just go oh well and go to sleep.
What else can I do and I know I'm not the only one but it always feels like I'm the only one.
So I guess Monday I'll call to see if they took the offer back.
I did schedule another interview for Tuesday.
I'm also still seeking SN sources...so if you have any send them...even though that's not the method I wanted because everything is so overwhelming.
But I guess at the moment I just feel like I'm doing really great and I'm fucking sick of not getting a break if it wasn't my time to die yet.
I'm trying to understand but I just can't right now.
I don't deserve this.
I have these moments where I'm beating myself down.
I tell myself I'm not trying hard enough.
I'm not doing enough.
But then I feel I am trying really hard.
I'm doing a great job for the position I'm in.
I had to come home after a failed attempt.
Lot's of debt.
A coming eviction and immediately put that aside to job hunt.
I put in so many applications.
Housekeeping
Front Desk
Restaurants
Cashiers
The not getting call backs is ok.
But the blatant way they waste your time is so demoralizing and a reminder of why I so desperately want out.
What triggered me is about a couple weeks ago I went for a interview for a server position.
She...the GM...wasn't prepared for me.
But fast forward she asked me to come Monday for my training.
I go Monday and there was no training for me and I was sent home.
I never heard back of course.
Today they had the gall to send a email saying so sorry to see you go.
I didn't go...you wasted my time.
I sent a nice email back explaining exactly what happened and how they should be ashamed of themselves.
I know not much will happen but I plan to send a email to corporate as well.
Why would you take all my personal information just to send me home after explaining to me how high your turnover is.
I know these things happen but I think everything is so heightened when you think about death all day and have to mask as normal.
I keep going back and forth with God..I'm angry at him but begging him at the same time.
So many evil people choosing to do wrong in the world but the old woman who keeps to herself...tries her best to be kind...cries all day wishing for death but still trying to live a decent life she doesn't want gets shitted on so bad.
Then another job calls...just when I thought he was going to say unfortunately we're going with someone else he said we would like to offer you the position.
When can you start.
I said Monday which would be April 15th.
He said let me get a schedule and call you back.
Immediately I was confused because why don't you know what you want.
Now I have to work up the courage to call and ask if they changed their mind.
It's like the universe is playing games with me.
I think I'm handling it best I can. I can definitely see a person snapping and causing harm from the anger these people are unintentionally giving.
But I'm so tired and exhausted I just go oh well and go to sleep.
What else can I do and I know I'm not the only one but it always feels like I'm the only one.
So I guess Monday I'll call to see if they took the offer back.
I did schedule another interview for Tuesday.
I'm also still seeking SN sources...so if you have any send them...even though that's not the method I wanted because everything is so overwhelming.
But I guess at the moment I just feel like I'm doing really great and I'm fucking sick of not getting a break if it wasn't my time to die yet.
I'm trying to understand but I just can't right now.
I don't deserve this.
