I had a friend who passed away after battling cancer for a few years. We had a very enlightening conversation about life and death before he passed. My emotions were all over the place after he passed, and as I struggled to identify what I was feeling, I finally realized what it was and posted about it.
A friend of mine passed away on Sunday. It wasn't completely unexpected, he had been battling cancer for about three years now, in fact, just a few short weeks ago, we had an honest discussion about life and death. The weight of his loss has been a mix of emotions and feelings for me, perhaps the oddest of which is envy. Envy often colors our lives with hues of longing for what others have, a bittersweet tint that fades with familiarity. But when a friend passes, the envy we might feel takes on a new shade, a complex amalgam of grief and an unexpected yearning. It is not the possessions or accolades they held in life that we covet, but rather their newfound peace, the quiet they have found at the end of life's tumultuous path. As we stand at the precipice of their departure, grappling with the chaos they have left behind, we envy not for what they had, but for what they no longer have to endure: no more pain, no more fear, no more weight of days. In our sorrow, we find ourselves longing for the same release, even as we mourn the loss of their light in our lives. This envy is not petty; it is profoundly human, a reflection of our own fears and our hope for tranquility beyond the relentless demands of existence. With a heavy yet hopeful heart, I wish for his soul a gentle passage and a radiant journey into whatever peace lies ahead.
and very jealous
