Jail instead of suicide?

[SodaBaconWeed]

Anyone here planning on purposefully going to jail for food and shelter because there future reveals homelessness?
Homelessness makes me want to ctb so I hold out hope that I can have a meltdown at a store to be put in jail and make it a routine. I'm 35 and live with parents. When there gone I'll have no one so homelessness will come a knocking and the panic I have goes away a little when I think that I can go to jail. I was in jail for a month and it was hell but I got fed, a bed, and showers.

I'm basically holding out hope that I'll die of natural causes in jail then ending up homeless. All ctb methods are out of my reach but I cannot be homeless.

thinking about the rest of my life being in jail gives me severe anxiety but what am I going to do about it? Nothing I can do if it's out of my control how the system works for someone like me

 

[Nymph]

Anyone here planning on purposefully going to jail for food and shelter because there future reveals homelessness?
Homelessness makes me want to ctb so I hold out hope that I can have a meltdown at a store to be put in jail and make it a routine. I'm 35 and live with parents. When there gone I'll have no one so homelessness will come a knocking and the panic I have goes away a little when I think that I can go to jail. I was in jail for a month and it was hell but I got fed, a bed, and showers.

I'm basically holding out hope that I'll die of natural causes in jail then ending up homeless. All ctb methods are out of my reach but I cannot be homeless.

thinking about the rest of my life being in jail gives me severe anxiety but what am I going to do about it? Nothing I can do if it's out of my control how the system works for someone like me

You said it yourself that jail is hell... I had thought about it in the past but for me personally I'm sure ctb is better then jail. I don't want to live where I'm controlled my entire life and just everything about it sounds horrible

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

You said it yourself that jail is hell... I had thought about it in the past but for me personally I'm sure ctb is better then jail. I don't want to live where I'm controlled my entire life and just everything about it sounds horrible

yes its hell but my SI is so strong that I feel I have no other option.

 

[Nymph]

yes its hell but my SI is so strong that I feel I have no other option.

Yeah, I can understand that

 

[InevitablePattern91]

I don't know how jail is where you live, but at least here, it is a terrible place to stay.

I'm in an opposite situation. I will probably spend my next 8 years in the jail. And that's the reason I want to ctb.

I've never been jailed, but from what I know, death is way better.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

I don't know how jail is where you live, but at least here, it is a terrible place to stay.

I'm in an opposite situation. I will probably spend my next 8 years in the jail. And that's the reason I want to ctb.

I've never been jailed, but from what I know, death is way better.

im in the USA so jail here is filled with angry/disgruntled/not so nice people and only fun is the same book over and over so I agree death is better but this seems like the hand I will be dealt in life.

as a positive think that if you do go to jail you can make it since the system is going to do the necessities like food and shelter for you until you come out. Try to occupy your time with a book but read slowly to conserve its newness. be persistent when you need something like a new blanket or meds. You may have to ask several times until you finally get it. Brush your teeth if they supply toothpaste so your dental health doesn't deteriorate.

this is not to say I am against ctb. Again it's just that all methods available to me have high SI

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Death over jail for me for sure. If going to jail was a certainty for me, I wouldn't care about the method. I'd ctb right away.

 

[Meditation guide]

thinking about the rest of my life being in jail gives me severe anxiety but what am I going to do about it?

You don't want jail! It's not the answer.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

You don't want jail! It's not the answer.

the problem is I don't want homelessness more than I don't want jail. I'm resigned to this because being homeless means agony of no healthcare, little food, horrible sleep patterns, and other things that would be taken care of in jail.

I can't even talk to people so panhandling is out of the question. And it's even illegal for the most part here in Nevada so I'd go to jail anyway sooner or later.

 

[Meditation guide]

the problem is I don't want homelessness more than I don't want jail.

I understand that. Is the place where you live with your parents in their name or do they rent it? You could make plans to have it automatically transfer to you when they die if they own it.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

I understand that. Is the place where you live with your parents in their name or do they rent it? You could make plans to have it automatically transfer to you when they die if they own it.

yes but I get disability and my mother is my payee which means when she passes I'll have to find someone but I have no family or friends. It's just one of many hurdles like being in debt for things like countless hospital bills. I am hoping I catch Covid and die. But then my dear mom could get it so it's just a fantasy.

 

[Sensei]

Jail does indeed seem to be hell in the USA. There's another problem too. You need to find a crime that entails many years in prison. That usually means harming other people. What other solutions have you tried so far? Do you perhaps have any relatives or friends that can help you? Is it possible to rent a really cheap room or a shanty? Even if it's very small and primitive, it's better than a cell.

 

[AvaAdore]

I wonder how some people are able to do drugs in jail.
Maybe your parents will leave you some money when they die.

 

[Meditation guide]

Jail does indeed seem to be hell in the USA.

Jail is being in a tiny room with a scary dangerous cell mate no room to walk around no privacy, horrible food, no fresh air, being exposed to the diseases now going around, abuse by guards, possible abuse by other prisoners. The room you will spend all your time in with your lovely cell mate is the size of a walk in closet. Bunk beds. No help from guards or doctors or dentists, none of that. You are on your own.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

Jail does indeed seem to be hell in the USA. There's another problem too. You need to find a crime that entails many years in prison. That usually means harming other people. What other solutions have you tried so far? Do you perhaps have any relatives or friends that can help you? Is it possible to rent a really cheap room or a shanty? Even if it's very small and primitive, it's better than a cell.

my situation is unique in that my disability income is paid to my mother. So when she passes ill have the hurdle of finding another payee in time. Then there's the hospital and credit card debt I have which could put my parents home at risk (my name is on it) so another daunting hurdle.

so you see, prisoners are sometimes just people who have no hope and resources to get their life back.

I have no family beyond my parents and my only friend is pushing 60 soon so that's another hurdle.

I'm to the point where ctb is appealing because I can't figure out a way out of this future of misery

 

[Sensei]

Jail is being in a tiny room with a scary dangerous cell mate no room to walk around no privacy, horrible food, no fresh air, being exposed to the diseases now going around, abuse by guards, possible abuse by other prisoners. The room you will spend all your time in with your lovely cell mate is the size of a walk in closet. Bunk beds. No help from guards or doctors or dentists, none of that. You are on your own.

That's the impression I have from documentaries. There have to be variations, though. Surely, a prison in Muskogee is different from a prison in Los Angeles?

 

[FireFox]

No NO No no!
You deserve better than prison.

So much abuse happens in prisons .

In jail drug abuse, sexual abuse etc are the norm. People in prison are not even treated like human . Look at the way prison guards abuse the immates , the use of solituary confinment etc
Regardless of the crime a prisoner is a still human being and deserve to be treated with dignity .

The prison system breaks people
The US system of jail is awful.

The fear of homeless is perfectly rational but they are better alternatives to prison. The alternatives are there you dont know of it

- Find a community( Not a cult) that helps its members . The church is a good example of community. Church is known to help its members the catholic church is a bit better than other christian groups in terms of helping
There is off grid communities
- Marriage
-charties . There lots of wonderful charties that do help the homeless or those in danger of homeless.

 

[Despondent]

Have you openly discussed this with your parents? This sounds like a concern worth talking about with them.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

No NO No no!
You deserve better than prison.

So much abuse happens in prisons .

In jail drug abuse, sexual abuse etc are the norm. People in prison are not even treated like human . Look at the way prison guards abuse the immates , the use of solituary confinment etc
Regardless of the crime a prisoner is a still human being and deserve to be treated with dignity .

The prison system breaks people
The US system of jail is awful.

The fear of homeless is perfectly rational but they are better alternatives to prison. The alternatives are there you dont know of it

- Find a community( Not a cult) that helps its members . The church is a good example of community. Church is known to help its members the catholic church is a bit better than other christian groups in terms of helping
There is off grid communities
- Marriage
-charties . There lots of wonderful charties that do help the homeless or those in danger of homeless.

to give you an idea: there's a shelter here that kicks you out in the morning and you have to be in line in the evening again for sleep again. That's hours of wait and they only feed you once per day. And there packed so you might not even get a bed that night.

I've looked for help and in my search nothing came about because Covid closed most offices.

Have you openly discussed this with your parents? This sounds like a concern worth talking about with them.

I have. They think I shouldn't worry about having a rep payee and everything will somehow be alright.

 

[Linda]

Anyone here planning on purposefully going to jail for food and shelter because there future reveals homelessness?
Homelessness makes me want to ctb so I hold out hope that I can have a meltdown at a store to be put in jail and make it a routine. I'm 35 and live with parents. When there gone I'll have no one so homelessness will come a knocking and the panic I have goes away a little when I think that I can go to jail. I was in jail for a month and it was hell but I got fed, a bed, and showers.

I'm basically holding out hope that I'll die of natural causes in jail then ending up homeless. All ctb methods are out of my reach but I cannot be homeless.

thinking about the rest of my life being in jail gives me severe anxiety but what am I going to do about it? Nothing I can do if it's out of my control how the system works for someone like me

You don't have to do anything yet, so don't do anything. (It's always possible that life will improve.) Just have a plan ready for when you need it. I find it hard to believe that all possible methods are out of your reach. Are there no tall buildings in your state? Or no tall cliffs?

 

[Morphosis]

I've looked for help and in my search nothing came about because Covid closed most offices.

What age are your parents? They could be around for a long time, so that gives you a bit of breathing space to look for help when the Covid 19 crisis ends.

Is there a reason why they can't transfer your disability payments to your own account rather than looking for someone else?
I'm not sure of the US equivalent but in the UK Citizens Advice might help with questions like that, rather than you having to consider jail
There was a man in my home town who stole a pair of shoes every year on Christmas Eve so he could get his Christmas dinner in the police station. He died years ago but he was a bit of a local legend and the police were actually kind to him

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

You don't have to do anything yet, so don't do anything. (It's always possible that life will improve.) Just have a plan ready for when you need it. I find it hard to believe that all possible methods are out of your reach. Are there no tall buildings in your state? Or no tall cliffs?

I contemplated jumping before but had a vivid dream of a very tall building and my SI kicked in in the dream. There out of my reach because of SI.

my home has no easy way to hang and I'm terrified of becoming a vegetable or locked in syndrome.

What age are your parents? They could be around for a long time, so that gives you a bit of breathing space to look for help when the Covid 19 crisis ends

mom is in her late sixties. Dads way older. I hope my mother lives longer than me but in this new world of pandemics I'm horrified my days of suffering are coming.

 

[Life_and_Death]

This might seem like a stupid question (and one that might have already been asked because I kinda skimmed the comments as I have to go to work but)
Why not find a solution so you don't have to be homeless? Like get a job or wellfare check?

Keeping in mind I didn't read any reason why you couldn't, just that these are your only 2 options. I'm trying to understand why.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

This might seem like a stupid question (and one that might have already been asked because I kinda skimmed the comments as I have to go to work but)
Why not find a solution so you don't have to be homeless? Like get a job or wellfare check?

Keeping in mind I didn't read any reason why you couldn't, just that these are your only 2 options. I'm trying to understand why.

job -> antisocial behavior means I have very little social skills (think customer service requirement)

welfare -> I have a representative payee which means that once my parents pass I need to find a payee of which is difficult because no family and barely 1 friend who is old too.

 

[Morphosis]

mom is in her late sixties. Dads way older.

That's not really old in today's world. She could potentially be around for another 20 or 30 years, my granny was 96 when she died

 

[Meditation guide]

es but I get disability and my mother is my payee which means when she passes I'll have to find someone

These problems are solvable. As I said she can make a trust so the home passes to your name if/when she dies. That is if it's owned by her/your parents.

There have to be variations, though. Surely, a prison in Muskogee is different from a prison in Los Angeles?

None are any place you want to choose to be. The reasons for wanting to go there don't seem to be ones that are logical as far as what little I've heard so far. Especially for someone handicapped as I get the impression the original poster is.

in this new world of pandemics I'm horrified my days of suffering are coming.

Suicides due to the pandemic are rising. It's not just you who feels that way.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

job -> antisocial behavior means I have very little social skills (think customer service requirement)

There are lots of jobs that don't involve social interaction, and many you can apply for online. Think data entry or similar fields. Even stocking jobs maybe. They're not exciting, but they pay.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

welfare -> I have a representative payee which means that once my parents pass I need to find a payee of which is difficult because no family and barely 1 friend who is old too.

I would suggest you talk to Social Security about how to manage this when your parents die. Explain to them your fears of becoming homeless as you will not have access to your benefits.

 

[TAW122]

I second everyone's opinion that jail is not a pleasant place. It may be just as bad as psych ward, filled with abusive authorities (in psych wards the medical staff and doctors, while jails correctional officers and staff) as well as other things that people mentioned here. As for my own opinion, I'd pick homelessness over jail because at least I won't have to be controlled by others 24/7, but would still face horrors like you described. But the best of all worlds, I (myself) would definitely CTB over being homeless or jail.

@Wisdom3_1-9 I would be leery of certain methods though, I'm not so much scared of death, but more of pain and failure, especially failure, because that would mean that I would lack the ability to try again and may end up as a vegetable, which is even worse than death.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

You don't have to do anything yet, so don't do anything. (It's always possible that life will improve.) Just have a plan ready for when you need it. I find it hard to believe that all possible methods are out of your reach. Are there no tall buildings in your state? Or no tall cliffs?

I also find it hard to believe the lack of methods. It's easy to use a method like hanging with a belt, rope or bed sheet. You're out in seconds and dead in minutes. Maybe the op is having trouble with SI or just isn't ready for death, which is quite okay.