Help I've tried to jump 8 times now. How the hell do I push through?

[Cryptonite]

I feel like I'm getting better and better. I always learn from my last attempt and improve the weak spots. I feel immense relief and peacefulness when looking down on the road. However, I still cannot find the right "catalyzator" to push past the fear and get it done.

Tried alcohol and benzos, also their combination.

Do you have some tips?
Thank you.

 

[RainLover]

Wear something comfy, like a hoodie, try to be not too drunk but not too sober either, there's a golden spot between those where you can make decisions without SI (at least for me), stand with your eyes closed for as long as you need, then let yourself go, release whatever you're grabbing and if you can try to go headfirst (you can't control yourself once in the air)

 

[ApathyToLife]

I'd say alcohol or drugs will do the work here. I can't say this for all people, but personally when I get wasted all my fears go away and create this feeling of being immune to all damage that may come my way, physical or mental (obviously it's not true). The trick here is to sedate your SI to the point where it doesn't work anymore / doesn't work in the same capacity so you can make that final push. Can't really name any drugs that have the same sedative effect since I'm not experienced in that field of study but alcohol should be perfect.

 

[bluebus]

Maybe jumping isn't the right method for you. Obviously you know yourself better than anyone else, so my opinion is really just that- my opinion. It may or may not pertain to you at all. I just know that for myself, I could never get the courage to jump. It took me a few days of researching methods to find one that I was comfortable with. I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you are able to find peace. Best wishes, bb

 

[ApathyToLife]

Maybe jumping isn't the right method for you. Obviously you know yourself better than anyone else, so my opinion is really just that- my opinion. It may or may not pertain to you at all. I just know that for myself, I could never get the courage to jump. It took me a few days of researching methods to find one that I was comfortable with. I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you are able to find peace. Best wishes, bb

What method did you end up choosing for CTB?

 

[Cryptonite]

Wear something comfy, like a hoodie, try to be not too drunk but not too sober either, there's a golden spot between those where you can make decisions without SI (at least for me), stand with your eyes closed for as long as you need, then let yourself go, release whatever you're grabbing and if you can try to go headfirst (you can't control yourself once in the air)

That's a great piece of advice. Yeah, I definitely feel there is some golden spot when it comes to drinking. If I drink too much, I feel too exhausted and cannot proceed. Internet says the minimum amount for suicidal behavior is 1.5%% alcohol content in the body, up to 3%% however, I start getting exhausted already around 1.2%%. But even in this golden spot, it is not a magical fix, it just takes some edge off.

Standing with eyes closed is also a great piece of advice. Will use it next time. I'm afraid I don't have enough balls to go headfirst, but the height is good, so it shouldn't be a problem anyway.

I'd say alcohol or drugs will do the work here. I can't say this for all people, but personally when I get wasted all my fears go away and create this feeling of being immune to all damage that may come my way, physical or mental (obviously it's not true). The trick here is to sedate your SI to the point where it doesn't work anymore / doesn't work in the same capacity so you can make that final push. Can't really name any drugs that have the same sedative effect since I'm not experienced in that field of study but alcohol should be perfect.

The problem is, when I try to drink a really substantial amount of alcohol, I just get so exhausted that I fall asleep. I would like to get to at least 2%% alcohol content in my body, but usually I can get only to much less.

Maybe jumping isn't the right method for you. Obviously you know yourself better than anyone else, so my opinion is really just that- my opinion. It may or may not pertain to you at all. I just know that for myself, I could never get the courage to jump. It took me a few days of researching methods to find one that I was comfortable with. I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you are able to find peace. Best wishes, bb

I truly love jumping. I have SN + all additional meds too, but jumping is still my n. 1 choice.

 

[RainLover]

That's a great piece of advice. Yeah, I definitely feel there is some golden spot when it comes to drinking. If I drink too much, I feel too exhausted and cannot proceed. Internet says the minimum amount for suicidal behavior is 1.5%% alcohol content in the body, up to 3%% however, I start getting exhausted already around 1.2%%. But even in this golden spot, it is not a magical fix, it just takes some edge off.

Standing with eyes closed is also a great piece of advice. Will use it next time. I'm afraid I don't have enough balls to go headfirst, but the height is good, so it shouldn't be a problem anyway.

The problem is, when I try to drink a really substantial amount of alcohol, I just get so exhausted that I fall asleep. I would like to get to at least 2%% alcohol content in my body, but usually I can get only to much less.

Look, the internet just tells you average, the best thing you can do is know yourself, if you know that with x amount of alcohol you're KO, then drink what you know is the right amount for you, also, reminder that if you are planning on having a last meal or something like that, having consumed water or food will reduce the effect the alcohol has on the body, in other words, the emptier your stomach is the less alcohol you will need to get drunk

 

[Cryptonite]

Look, the internet just tells you average, the best thing you can do is know yourself, if you know that with x amount of alcohol you're KO, then drink what you know is the right amount for you, also, reminder that if you are planning on having a last meal or something like that, having consumed water or food will reduce the effect the alcohol has on the body, in other words, the emptier your stomach is the less alcohol you will need to get drunk

I had a meal beforehand last time. That's a good piece of advice too.

 

[bluebus]

What method did you end up choosing for CTB?

I'm going with inert gas asphyxiation. I'll be honest, there is a bit of set up involved, but it's worth it to me for a quick, painless death.

 

[Cryptonite]

Some other suggestions?

 

[Cryptonite]

All I need is overcoming the very last step, some thought or action to push me forward. I've researched everything & improved a lot in the last year, however... this final boss is bugging me.

 

[CW36]

If you're used to a drug you soon get dinishing returns. Have you tried ashwandgha? There's one brand in particular that I can vouch for (many are not great), that's definitely noticeable, especially at high levels, for feeling a serious detachment from yourself. If you mix it with alcohol, it excentuates the effects of both too. If you're in the UK then you'll be able to buy this brand. PM me if interested.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Some other suggestions?

Use a blindfold and let yourself fall backwards

 

[Cryptonite]

Use a blindfold and let yourself fall backwards

I'm at a place where I need to look unapparent. Like, at one moment just seemingly enjoying the view, and another moment suddenly crossing the handrails and jumping.

 

[Cryptonite]

10 attempts now. Still cannot push myself over the handrails. What do I do?

 

[dialogos]

10 attempts now. Still cannot push myself over the handrails. What do I do

You've attempted this enough times to know that this method doesn't work for you.
No shame admitting that.
Time to try something else

 

[venin]

I feel like I'm getting better and better. I always learn from my last attempt and improve the weak spots. I feel immense relief and peacefulness when looking down on the road. However, I still cannot find the right "catalyzator" to push past the fear and get it done.

Tried alcohol and benzos, also their combination.

Do you have some tips?
Thank you.

You felt releif and peacefullness?

 

[Cryptonite]

You've attempted this enough times to know that this method doesn't work for you.
No shame admitting that.
Time to try something else

I wouldn't think so. Some girl on here who managed to jump from 25m attempted 50 times. I would say it's about practice and desensitization.

You felt releif and peacefullness?

Yes, very relieved looking down from that height. Feels very friendly to me.

 

[venin]

I wouldn't think so. Some girl on here who managed to jump from 25m attempted 50 times. I would say it's about practice and desensitization.

Yes, very relieved looking down from that height. Feels very friendly to me.

That's awesome. How tall is the spot? Is it a building?

 

[Davey36000]

This is one of the worst methods. If you survive, all fucked up (and in a lot of pain), you might not even be able to try again.
And you will feel very regretful.

Please try something else because this is one of those methods nobody wants to survive from.

 

[Cryptonite]

That's awesome. How tall is the spot? Is it a building?

Yeah, it's more than the recommended 10 floor minimum, hard surface. Technicalities are all OK.

This is one of the worst methods. If you survive, all fucked up (and in a lot of pain), you might not even be able to try again.
And you will feel very regretful.

Please try something else because this is one of those methods nobody wants to survive from.

I like this method so much now that I don't think I can do any other at this point. I even have SN but still prefer jumping.

 

[venin]

Yeah, it's more than the recommended 10 floor minimum, hard surface. Technicalities are all OK.

I like this method so much now that I don't think I can do any other at this point. I even have SN but still prefer jumping.

I also prefer jumping. Idk exactly why. What's the floor number?

 

[Davey36000]

Yeah, it's more than the recommended 10 floor minimum, hard surface. Technicalities are all OK.

I like this method so much now that I don't think I can do any other at this point. I even have SN but still prefer jumping.

People survive really high jumps. You probably know this. Why risk it?

For example, if you become paralyzed (not even in a wheelchair, but in a bed), how will you attempt again?

 

[DeadHead]

Yeah, it's more than the recommended 10 floor minimum, hard surface. Technicalities are all OK.

I like this method so much now that I don't think I can do any other at this point. I even have SN but still prefer jumping.

It's unfortunate there are people around, otherwise I'd suggest drinking the sn then jumping when you start feeling ill. I admire your intentions, don't believe I could do either.

 

[Cryptonite]

I also prefer jumping. Idk exactly why. What's the floor number?

13. It's quick, painless, just nice.

People survive really high jumps. You probably know this. Why risk it?

For example, if you become paralyzed (not even in a wheelchair, but in a bed), how will you attempt again?

I guess I just have to believe.... statistics say 98% in my case

 

[venin]

13. It's quick, painless, just nice.

I guess I just have to believe.... statistics say 98% in my case

I wish you good luck with it. Hope it goes exactly as you've planned.

 

[Cryptonite]

I wish you good luck with it. Hope it goes exactly as you've planned.

I hope so. I'm just still looking for something that can give me the courage to overcome that very last final step :-(

 

[locked*n*loaded]

After 10 attempts, there's no desire to change your method? I mean the method you've chosen is one of the more difficult ones, at least it would be for me. I think the only way I could ever do it is if all other options were exhausted. I hope you figure things out in the way that's best for you.

 

[Cryptonite]

After 10 attempts, there's no desire to change your method? I mean the method you've chosen is one of the more difficult ones, at least it would be for me. I think the only way I could ever do it is if all other options were exhausted. I hope you figure things out in the way that's best for you.

One girl from here managed to jump after 50 attempts. I really love jumping as a method. I even have SN and still prefer jumping. But I need that one last push...

 

[barbie]

I'm going with inert gas asphyxiation. I'll be honest, there is a bit of set up involved, but it's worth it to me for a quick, painless death.

That was my attempt too. I chickened out last minute after months of preparation. I think cause it wasn't as quick as I wanted it to be and I was sober at the time and could feel my body reacting to it, like tingling toes and all that and the bag wasn't too tight over my head so I had a lot of irrational thoughts like what if I fail, what if I cause permanent brain damage and then have to live being a vegatable. Hated myself for a long time.

I'm on my way to secure another method, (apply to work in a vets clinic and steal the N) but I've never stolen anything in my life and I'm scared.